The Downers
by NotYourBestFriend
Summary: Bella Swan is a rebel. Edward Masen is a loser. Charlie Swan is a mailman and Elizabeth Masen is a socialite. When you mix them all together, you get one not so happy family. But Edward and Bella aren't just step siblings. Lifes too hard to be that easy.
1. Ignorance

_You treat me just like another stranger  
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir  
I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out_

_Ignorance is your new best friend  
Ignorance is your new best friend_

He did not just say that.

No.

No.

No.

A million and twelve times no.

That's right. Not just a million. A million and _twelve_.

I've always liked the number twelve and I'm sad to have to associate it with this mind fucking rejection. It's an outrage, I tell you. No one should go through this. No one should have to do this. No one should have to be this.

No one should have to be that pansy's stepsister.

Again, I dare say, that's right. You heard me. This chicks about to be a sis. Or, a step sissy better yet. Yep. Good old dumb fuck Dad is tying the knot. Most would let out a bewildered 'Finally!' and throw him a God damn party. But not I. No. Because unlike those folks, who sit and plan the ceremony as I share this, do not have to be in a house with the shitheads he's tainted our family with. Hell, I'm pretty sure none of Dad's buddies have ever even met his new ho. I dare say Daddio is embarrassed of his new uptown bride. Figures. Dad's just the kind of guy that would be embarrassed of money. Considering we had none, that is. Don't go assuming Padre is a very nice man, and he is not marrying this Lolita for her bucks. He's marrying her because he's an idiot.

Let's start from the beginning, shall we? My Mom and Dad we sixteen when they shacked it on up and produced moi. My Mom is a hardcore Hippie, weed and all. Her and Dad split up when I was three and I haven't seen her since. All we know is that she's alive, because for some weirdo reason, she sends me a rubber band every year for my birthday and Christmas. And not just any rubber band. Nope. Rainbow ones, sparkly ones, hell, I even got a Spiderman one when I was seven. But, yes, she has been none to send me just a dirty old rubber band, that I'm sure she found on the street. But still. I hold nothing against her. She doesn't want to be here, that's her fucking problem. I don't give a shit.

Dad, however, is another story. Old Man Swan, as the youngsters call him is a true blue player. I know what everyone is thinking, and might I say, ew. He's been known to bring his dates home here and there, but hey, thats the magic of _climbing out the window_. I never stick around long enough to hear anything. And yes, all you little pervs out there. His dates are his age. Most of the time. He's on thirty two, and he usually goes after the younger members of the heard, but nothing creepy. There all in their twenty's and perfectly legal. And usually, very, very, blond. That's why a major case of intrigue caught up to me, when he started dating this thirty four year old red head. I mean, I don't tend to ask my Dad about his preferences, I just can tell. My Mom was brunette, this chick is a red head, but he goes for the blonds. Claims there easier. Of course, he means no offense to thos blondies out there. His Mother's a blond, for God's sake!

Dad's my best bud, you see. That sounds pathetic, but he is. I have friends, yes, but none quite like my Dad. I mostly hang around guys. I'm a tomboy. I skateboard. I goof off. I can burp Michael Jackson songs. I'm not a fan of clothes, or shoes. Hell, if it wasn't illegal and pretty pervtastic, I'd go everywhere naked as the day I was born. So would Dad. He's a low maintenance guy. He trusts me, I trust him, we trust each other. That's it. Were a team though. Dad didn't go to College, he was too busy chasing little munchkin me around. So he bounces from job to job. So, we bounce from apartment to apartment. Or should I say shit hole to shit hole? Because our places have been pretty bad.

A second ago, Dad told me he was engaged. And I've been entertaining you with this monologue since then. I'm taking a wile guess, and saying her probably wants my reaction. Well. Cover your eyes kiddies, because there's about to be some bloodshed.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Fuck. No." I growled, standing up from where I was seated in our dirty old red la-Z-boy

"Hey, watch the mouth, Turrettastic. And fuck yes, I am marrying Lizzie." He replied, calmly, pushing me lightly back down in the chair. I felt like calmly smashing his head into out makeshift dinner/card table in the corner.

"Lizzie? You have a pet name for the home wrecker?" I hissed, my eyes widening in disbelief.

"Hey there, she's not a homewrecker. She's a lovely lady, and I'm sure you'll love her." He told me, gently.

"Lovely lady? Gee, Mr. Rogers, you wanna sing a tune about this so called lovely lady Lizzie?" I asked sarcastically, glaring up at him.

"Bells, do me a favor and shut your trap. I don't need the sarcasm, kid." He sighed.

"Oh, but you do need a wife. And would you look at that- you already have a sixteen year old! Sarcasm and this situation are a package deal, Pops." I snorted, scowling at him as I removed myself from the chair. I walked over to the door and grabbed me board and me shoes. I slipped on my nearly dead as door nails black Chucks and my neon green helmet with the scuff marks, before I turned the knob to exit this hell.

"Bella Marie, where do you think your going?" He demanded, walking over to me.

"Out." I hissed, already out the door and down the hall of our crappy apartment building. I jogged down the stairs, holding my old black board under my arm as I went. When I got down to our 'lobby' I stopped by the front desk. The landlord, Billy Black, was sitting there on the grimy blue couch, tinkering with his plastic watch, angrily.

"Your blocking my watch fixing light, Thing Two." He said, quietly. I snorted. He referred to Charlie and I as Thing One and Thing Two. Right, Because we sure acted like Dr. Suess characters.

"Didja know that loser up in 3B is getting married?" I asked, setting my board on the ground, and placing my foot on it so it wouldn't roll off somewhere.

"3B?" He asked, wistfully. "Isn't that your place?"

"No shit, Sherlock." I snorted.

"Just because I'm majorly pimp, does not mean you can talk to me that way, little girl." He said, warningly. Well, fuck me running. Did he even know what pimp was?

"Billy, where'd you learn that?" I sighed.

"Jake, taught it to me. See, I can keep up with you kids." He said, seriously, turning back down to his watch. Jacob was Billy's obnoxious fourteen year old son. He thought he was a golden booger on a silver platter because he knew 'Older Woman' aka me. To be perfectly honest, he was just hot snot on a paper plate.

"Whatever, Billy. Tell Dad I'll be home around two-ish." I told him, turning away, hopping on my board.

"In the morning?" He asked, bored.

"Whatever floats his boat." I shrugged, skating out of there. I was weaving down the sidewalk, passing a few people here and there. This wasn't a bad part of town, and Billy's apartments weren't that bad. It was just a cheap place. And I had doubted we were staying here for long. Dad's new job at the post office wasn't exactly paying that well. But what the hell did I know? The minute I turn my back, he runs off and gets engaged.

I headed to the the trashed kiddie park on Peach Street, skating by all the disghusted Mother's with strollers and diaper bags. We didn't trash the park, it was Jacob and his dumb ass friends. He was friends with a bunch of older guys. Sam, Paul and Jared were all nineteen and still living at home. Sam was there ringleader, but I knew that he was going to community college on the side and had plans to ditch their sorry asses pretty soon. I went on a few dates with him last summer. Now he's going out with Emily He's a nice guy, he's just had a tough life. He's getting back on track though. But as much as Jacob hated to admit, a few of the guys in their little group were only like twelve. Collin and Brady . Jacob had two best friends though, Quil and Embry. Embry was going out with Leah Clearwater, so her little brother, Seth, was in their group too. Some people called them a gang behind their backs. They weren't a gang. They were just some moron kids who had nothing better to do than trash a little kids park.

All the slides and swings were fine, it was just spray painted and there were beer cans everywhere. As I rolled down the path, I snorted as I saw one of my best friends, Max, sliding down the slide with his hands in the air. He got stuck half way down, trying to scout himself all the way out. My other two best friends, Ricky and Win were sitting on the swings. Ricky had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, ignoring Win who was telling him to please, God, take a tic tac afterwards.

"Hey, Bee!" Max exclaimed, his wild curly blond hair flying everywhere as he not so gracefully flung himself out of slide too big for his ass. Ricky rolled his eyes and nodded his head at me. Win was a little warmer and grinned at me as I went and sat in Ricky's lap. Ricky and I weren't a thing, we were just close. He had a pretty scary past, and he had trusted me with it pretty early on. We didn't flaunt our friendsip, he wasn't loud like Max or a puppy dog like Win. He was just Ricky that kid who smokes in the park.

"Hiya, Bee Bug." Win grinned getting up to give me his swing. Win was a real nice guy. He had shaggy black hair and he was tan from all the sun he soaked up. Not sure how he did that in Forks. Ricky had reddish brown hair that stuck up like a cartoon characters. It was like Pops. Or was it Crackle...

"You're lookin' pretty wemo. Care to share?" Max asked, a little out of breathe as he came over and took the other swing before I could. Win, who had taken to sitting on the ground with his Coke, rolled his eyes. Win didn't drink or smoke like Ricky. Ricky knew it was bad for him, but he liked to do it. He claimed it beat cutting himself, which he has tried before.

"The Faternal unit is getting fitted for a tux." I huffed.

"Sweet. Mr. S is gonna be a penguin." Win laughed.

"Whys he getting fitted for a tux?" Ricky asked, quietly, in my ear.

"He's met a 'lovely lady' as he puts it. Can you gather what comes out of that?" I raised an eyebrow at Max, who was scratching his head, dumbly.

Win's eyes widened. "He's getting married?"

"You're damn right, Winnie." I nodded, taking a drag from Ricky's cigarette. It was gross, but it was good right now.

"Didn't think Mr. S had it in him." Max chuckled. "So, who's the lucky lady?"

"You don't know her. All I know is, she's a red head with a one son. Charlie showed me a picture, and let me just say now that this kid is a giant school shooting waiting to happen." I sighed.

"He's handy?" Max asked, laughing.

"One, even I think that's mean. Two, no he's not handicapped!" I said, reaching over to shove him. "He's just an Urkel."

"Ugh." Win grunted. "Have fun with him."

"Oh, I have some plans." I laughed, taking another drag. Ricky let me without complaint, hugging my waist with his free arm. He liked close contact from me. He told me once that I was the only person he knew he felt safe with.

"I can't believe Mr. S is tying himself to that woman. It's like a forced, sick bond that can only be broken with mean lawyers and judgmental judges." Max shivered.

"Well, Maxi Pad, there called judges for a reason." I shrugged, leaning into Ricky.

"I'm never getting married." He announced.

"What about Cora?" Win demanded, sipping his drink.

"We don't need to be married to be together." He argued.

"Don't you love her?" Ricky demanded, a little angrily.

"Yeah." Max shrugged.

"Then worship her ass." He growled, taking back his cigarette. He sucked breathed it in and then breathed it all out his mouth in a circle. It was a cool trick, that I honestly wish I could do. I might be a loud mouth, but I wasn't a talented loud mouth. I glanced back at Ricky. His dark brown eyes were hard, and a little cold. I stuck my tongue out at him and he softened a little, crossing his eyes at me, quickly. I smiled and turned back around.

But that smile turned into a frown when I realized what I was going home to.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I love you, you know that Eddie?" My mother smiled, smoothing my unruly bronze hair out.

"I love you too, Mama." I smiled, lifting my fork into my mouth.

"You remember the nice man I told you I was seeing?" She questioned, gently.

"Yes, I recall you mentioning him." I nodded.

"Hmm." She hummed, quietly. She lifted her head up, quickly.

"Eddie, honey, do you miss your Father?" She asked, changing the subject.

"Sometimes, yes, I do." I nodded, warily.

"Do you ever want someone to do guy stuff with?" She asked, trying to sound not really lame.

"You're enough for me, Mama." I chuckled, setting my fork down. She looked at me, fondly.

"Sweetie, how would you feel about me getting re-married?" She asked, taking in a deep breath.

My mouth fell open. "Excuse me?"

"Charlie asked me to marry him today, Eddie, and I accepted." She explained, biting her lip.

My eyes widened, further as I pushed my glasses up my nose. Mama was getting married? I'd never even met this man! What if he drank? Or worse, didn't have a recycle bin?

"When?" I asked, quietly.

"We haven't set an exact date yet. He's waiting to talk to his daughter. Apparently, when he told her she threw an absolute hissy fit." She said, impatiently. "Thank you, Eddie, for reacting so well to the news. You're so mature for your age."

"Thank you, Mama." I smiled, gently. "I'm going to go study."

"Alright. Goodnight, Pumpkin." She said, kissing me on the cheek as she went to go put the dishes in the washer.

As I climbed the stairs up to my bedroom, I let it all sink in. Married? A Step Father? A Step Sister? What if she was rude? Or made fun of me and my room, like every other kid in High School. She didn't go to my school. Mom told me when they first started dating that she went to the public school in the bad part of town. I went to a Catholic school in the higher class side of town. It was very expensive to live here, but my Mother had her inheritance and the child support my Father, Edward Sr, sends us every month. He cheated on Mama when I was six and it's been virtually just me and her since. Dad comes around on Holidays and pops in randomly sometimes, but that's about it. Though, he does call every week. So, I do have some contact with hm. He lived in California now, he was a plastic surgeon. I wanted to be a Doctor too, but I had plans to be a pediatrician.

I was rather nerdy, you could say. I have think black framed glasses and terrible acne. I'm blind as a bat without my glasses and my acne won't go away, no matter what I try. I don't have the best sense of style, but I thought I dressed just fine. And Mama would have a heart attack if I dressed with my trousers sagging like the other boys. I didn't have very many friends. I didn't have any friends, really. There were a few who pitied me, but that was it. I was skinny, but not quite boney. I wasn't muscular but I got by in Gym class. Though, I was tormented relentlessly by Emmett McCarty and his friends. They loved picking on me. Oh, the names he called me....

So what if I was in AP everything? It's an honor.

I wasn't sure about this so called 'Sister'. If she was so rude as to walk out on her own Father while he spoke with her, how mean could she really be? I mean, home is my sanctuary. No one laughs at me here. I'm free to study and play my piano as I wish. I didn't want that to go away. I laid down on my bed, gingerly. Emmett had punched my shoulder rather ruffly today and it still was tender. I lay my head down on the silk pillowcase and I drifted off to sleep, forgetting all about my studying.....

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You look like a hobo." Dad hissed, as we waited for someone to answer the door. We were standing on the steps of the big ass house this 'Lizzie' owned. Dad had rung the doorbell and we were waiting in the zero below for this bitch to answer.

"You look like a drug dealer." I hissed back. He was wearing a long sleeved black sweater, with his old black leather jacket. He had on dark black sunglasses and a pair of dark wash jeans. He had on his only nice shoes, which were ironically black. "Got any Meth? My stash ran out."

"Shut your mouth." He whispered as the door opened, pinching my arm. I slapped his hand away. There, standing in front of us was Lizzie Masen, in high heels and pearls. I had on my gray skinny jeans that had paint all over them from when I played paint ball with Max and his brothers and my Kings of Leon tee shirt. I had on a loose black striped vest and the new red Chucks my Dad finally sprang for. I had on my old gray coat and one of Dad's winter hats pulled over my head. My hair was dark brown like his, but the ends of my hair were died a striking red that most people didn't expect and didn't like.

She smiled, sweetly and waved us in. "Oh, welcome! It's so wonderful to meet you, Isabella." She hugged me, tightly, cutting off all circulation in my chest.

"It's Bella." I replied, a little bitingly.

"Bella." Dad hissed, nudging me, roughly.

"Come in, come in. Eddie and I were waiting for you in the sitting room." She said, her heels clicking as she walked tall into the living room. There were crystal vases and chandeliers everywhere. It looked like someone had a guilty pleasure, I sang in my head.

"This is a fat house." I whistled, as we stopped to stand in the 'Sitting Room'.

"Well, um, thank you." Elizabeth thanked me, a little flustered with my phrasing. "This is my son, Eddie."

I didn't notice the kid until he waved a hand at us, shyly. I gave him a good once over. Hmm.

Acne- Verging on disease like.

Clothes- Pretty saddening.

Glasses- Wasn't even gonna go there.

Body- Who knows what was hiding under that mess?

Hair- The only not greasy horrible thing on his body. Kind of impressive, actually.

"Hi, I'm Charlie and this is my daughter, Bella." Dad smiled. It seemed kind of hard for him. "So, Eddie?"

"I actually prefer Edward." He mumbled, quietly.

"Well, enough standing around. Let's eat." Elizabeth announced, cheerily.

"Good idea, Lizzie." Dad agreed, putting a hand around her waist and leading her into the dining room, leaving Edwierd and I to chat. I made a gagging sound, turning to him.

"Ugh." I grunted, shaking my head.

"I thought it was kind of sweet, actually." He muttered, turning a light red.

"Of course you did." I smiled, sickly sweet. I then stomped into the dining room, sitting down in the seat next to my Dad before Elizabeth Masen could even blink. I smiled innocently as my Dad raised an eyebrow. Eddie Boy came in a minute later, pulling Elizabeth's chair out for her and then seating himself next to her. They both placed napkins on their laps, politely. I turned to Dad, raising my own brow. He shrugged, and tossed his white cloth napkin into his own lap. I, rebelling against the Masen ordeal, tucked my napkin into my shirt, trucker style.

"Please, take as much as you wish." Elizabeth smiled, gesturing towards to the assortment of food in front of us on platters. I followed Dad's lead, taking whatever he took. When we were done loading up, I studied my plate. Some vegetable dish, some kind of elaborate rice recipe and......a bird. A tiny bird.

"What the hell," I asked, stabbing my fork into it and holding it up. "is this?"

"It's a Quail, Bella." Elizabeth told me, nervously.

I turned to Dad for a word I'd understand. "It's like a squirrel."

"Gotcha." I nodded, dropping it back on my plate. I started on my fancy pants carrots and spinach, a terribly wrong combination.

"So, Bella? You go to the public school?" Elizabeth checked, politely.

"Sometimes." I answered my mouth full of carrots. Dad hit me on the back, making me swallow them, swiftly. I glared at him.

"How do you feel about the switch?" She asked, motherly.

"Switch?" I asked, flatly. I turned to Dad, expectantly. He looked up from his squirrel and set his fork down, slowly.

"I haven't exactly told her about that yet, Lizzie." Dad sighed.

"Well, now is good a time as any." I said, bitingly.

"Bells," Dad started. "When we move in here-"

"Move in here?" I demanded, angrily.

"I haven't told you about that either." He grumbled to himself.

"You mighta left it out." I hissed, crossing my arms and scowling at him.

"We're moving in here in a few weeks. And you'll be going to the Catholic school." He announced, quietly.

"Well, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Dad! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" I demanded, standing up.

"I didn't want you to be upset." He argued, standing up with me. "Now, sit your ass down, you little delinquint."

I fell back into the cushioned fancy chairs, begrudgingly. He followed my lead, slowly. I then turned to Elizabeth, angrily.

"That answer your question, Liz?" I growled, shoving a fork full of peas into my big mouth.

She gulped, and changed the subject, quickly. "Eddie, why don't you tell Bella a little about you and the school?"

He shifted, nervously. I couldn't blame him, really. She put him in a corner.

"There's not much to tell." He mumbled, almost inaudibly.

"Sure there is." She insisted.

"Well, um, I'm in all AP classes." He stuttered, shyly.

"So are you Bells. When you actually show up." Dad snorted.

"You're in AP?" He gasped. He quickly looked down when he saw my scowl.

"Oh, you two will have classes together!" Elizabeth sang, happily. I rolled my eyes.

"Do I have to wear that dumb ass uniform?" I questioned, meanly.

"Yes." Elizabeth nodded, ignoring my language.

"I'll look I'm in a porno." I whined.

"You're never being in a porno." Dad hissed.

"Who says I haven't already been in one?" I demanded, cheekily.

"Me and the state of Washington." He growled, tugging at my hair, playfully.

"I would pull your hair, but you have none, Old Man." I laughed, letting go for a second.

"I have hair." He snorted. "It's just getting thinner."

"Whatever you say, Houdini." I snickered, shoving some rice in my mouth.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

She was rude. She was nasty. She was judgmental. She was just plain _mean_.

But she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Her clothes didn't match, and I could tell it upset my Mother greatly. And her hair was making her crazy. I kind of liked it. She dared to be different. It was admirable.

She was close to her Father; I could see that as soon as they walked in. When he led Mama into the dining room, she looked like she would strangle her. Mama told me that her and her Dad were alone together a lot during her childhood, so it was natural they'd be more like friends than parent and child. I was curious as to where her Mother was. I knew Mama was too. Charlie hadn't really talked about his ex.

"What activities do you do, Bella?" She smiled.

"Does fucking count?" Bella chuckled. Mama froze. So did I. Charlie turned to Bella, surprised.

"I thought I told you no sex until you're thirty." He accused.

"Just because I'm having sex, does not mean I am not being safe." She shrugged, nonchalantly.

"Well, you need to stop that nonsense." Charlie shivered. Bella scowled at him, rudely.

"Your Mom needs to stop that nonsense." Bella shot back.

"Sex? You know what, we're not talking about this right now." Charlie decided.

"Oh my." Mama gasped. That pretty much ended the conversation for the night. Bella and Charlie left after dessert. Bella picked at the elaborate dessert dish, disdainfully. As they walked out the door, I saw Charlie smack Bella in the back of the head. I then saw Bella slyly pull a small piece of his arm hair. He winced. It was faintly humorous, actually. I went back to help Mama with the supper dishes.

"I cannot believe Charlie lets her speak in that fashion." She murmured.

"I thought she was interesting." I offered, quietly. Mama turned to me, angrily.

"Edward Anthony Masen. That girl is not 'cool' or 'hip' or 'radical'. Do not think the things she does are okay. Don't change." She warned me.

"I have no plans to, Mama." I replied, calmly.

"I know you'll be tempted when she moves in here, but you have to resist. And Eddie, sweetheart, do we have to have _the talk_? I know having a young girl living her might give you ideas-"

"That's alright, Mama." I cut in, quickly. "I think I'll just go to bed."

She sighed. "As long as you remember what I told you. Remember, Mama knows best." She said, playfully. She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and sent me off. I climbed the stairs, thinking about that strange, strange girl. She might be strange.

But she had given me a serious hard on.

**First chapter is a go! Please, tell me what you think. I love reviews! There so uplifting. Well, most of the time. If you're reviewing just to be a bitch, then don't even bother. The song at the top is Ignorance by Paramore. Love them. Best band ever. And ignorance really is my new best friend :) **

**Review!**


	2. Trouble

_No attorneys, to plead my case  
No orbits, to send me into outer space  
And my fingers are bejeweled  
With diamonds and gold but that ain't  
Gonna help me now_

I'm trouble, yeah trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I disturb my own town  
I'm trouble, yeah, trouble now  
I'm trouble y'all, I got trouble in my town

It had been a quiet ride home last night.

Not.

Dad was super pissed that I told Mother Teresa that I smoked and that Mom was a drug addict. Its not like she wouldn't findout eventually. I mean, even when I don't smoke, I still smell like it because of Ricky and even sometimes, Max. And so what if Mom did drugs? It wasn't hurting anyone, but herself. Why should Liz Masen care? He was also pissy because I wasn't nice enough to Senor Nerdward. What did he want me to do? Give him a lap dance?

He wasn't the only one that was mad though. I was still steeming from the Catholic school thing. Not to mention the move. Its always been just Dad and I. I wasn't read for this. I can't even guess how long we argued, before I pulled out my weapon.

"Daddy," I whimpered, eyes pleading. "I don't want to change schools."

He stared at me for a moment, unsure. He then pulled me in for a hug, unexpectedly. I grinned into his shoulder. It worked.

"Nice try, kid." He chuckled, pulled away.

"This is bullshit, Dad, and you know it." I argued, pointlessly.

"Bella," He sighed. "I love Lizzie. And I love you. Please, don't make me choose. Because I'm a softie mother fucker right now and I just might choose you."

I rolled my eyes as he grinned, evily. "When would we move?" I demanded.

"A few weeks before the wedding, I guess." He answered, a little dodgily. I knew that look...

"And when exactly is this wedding, Dad?" I questioned, suspiciously.

He shot me a dark look. "Soon."

"How soon is soon?" I demanded, warily.

He glanced around. "Lizzie's parents are both dead and she doesn't have any other family. A big wedding would make her sad, so.....were eloping."

My mouth fell open. "Eloping? As in Vegas, Elvis, getaway car eloping?"

"No, Bonnie, we don't need a getaway car." He said, sarcastically.

"But what about all our friends? Dad, we have friends everywhere! Are they allowed to come if you elope?" I asked, angrily. "And what about Grandma? Can she come?"

"Bella, I hate my Mother. And I'm sure our friends will live if there not invited to my wedding." He told me, rolling his eyes.

"This whole marriage is ape shit!" I exclaimed, storming to small closet sized room and slamming the door. I fell on my dark red sheets, and screamed into my mismatched yellow and green pillows. My blanket was black and my walls were a depressing gray. We never painted when we moved. Why paint when you were gonna be gone the next week? I did have a few things though. I had my nightstand that fit in our truck bed nicely and a couple boxes of my junk. We've learned not to get attached to things. We can't always fit them in the truck when we leave, and a moving truck is expensive. All we have are two queen sized beds, my night table, Dad's night table, a fold up card table and our recliner. Not many worldly possessions here.

Its funny. I've learned not to get attatched to things, because eventually, you have to give them up.

I didn't know my Dad was included in that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, Cullen!" I heard a booming voice a few feet behind me. I turned around, reluctantly. Standing there was Emmett McCarty, the football team's secret weapon. He was treated like royalty around here. Standing next to him were his followers, Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley.

"What, Emmett?" I sighed.

"Word is you're Mommy's got herself a new john." He said in a baby voice.

"Shut up." I mumbled, pathetically.

"Aww, little Eddie is all sad." Emmett laughed. "Boys, why don't we cheer him up."

"No, really, that's okay-"

Before I could finish my sentence, a fist flew right into my eye. Another one followed it, hitting me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. The last blow was a hard kick in my groin, leaving me to fall to the floor in pain.

"I think Eddie's had enough, boys. Let's go." Emmett chuckled. I looked up into his eyes. They were a cold hazel color. No feelings at all, I swear. I groaned after they walked away, ignoring the kids snickering as I hoisted myself up. Good thing it was last period, or I might not have made it through the day. I staggered to Calculus, painfully. Calculus was one of my favorite classes. No one was really in that class that beat the shit out of me like Emmett. Pardon my French.

I sat up front with a particularly quiet girl, Angela. She smiled at me often, pitifully. It made me blush every time. I wasn't used to girls being nice to me. It just didn't happen. Class started, and I took out my notes, making sure to write down most everything the teacher said. I didn't want to miss a thing.

And I didn't just mean in school.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's not fair!" I wailed, through the phone. I had called Ricky for comfort, for the third time today. Dad and I have been fighting non stop. Its like World War Three up here!

"You want him to be happy, don't you?" His calm voice asked.

"Of course!" I exclaimed.

"Then suck it up. Ms. S is a great guy, Bella. Let him be happy." He told me, quietly.

I sighed. "You might be right."

"I'm always right. Now, go make up with him. Now." He ordered, playfully.

"Aye, Aye Captain." I muttered, hanging up. It was pouring outside, the skateboarding to the park was kinda out. I emerged into the living room, where Dad was watching our tiny TV in the recliner.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Sassy McSassPants." He murmured, sarcastically.

"Shut up, I came out to say sorry." I growled.

"You're doing an excellent job." He nodded, seriously.

"Dad," I groaned. "I don't want to move. I don't want to go to a Nun school. I don't want a Step Mom or or Step Brother. But I will. For you."

He seemed a little surprised. "What the fuck did you do with my daughter?"

"I ate her." I answered, smiling.

"Well, I'll be damned. My little fatty fit in you?" He asked, pretending to be surprised. I slapped his arm and grinned, climbing onto the arm of the chair, curling up next to him to watch fuzzy minor league baseball.

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"Eddie, please! Hurry up!" Mama called, impatiently as her heels clicked through the shop. We were in a small grocery store on the far side of town. Mama wanted to find horrors in where Charlie and Bella were living. I had left Mama when she traveled into the tampon aisle.

"Coming, Mama!" I called back, grabbing my cereal off the shelf and walking back over to her. We had everything in a neat green cart. Mama went to the only empty check out counter. There was a shaggy haired guy about my age behind the belt, talking to someone that wasn't even there. He was just chattering away, to no one.

"Then she yelled at me for disrupting class!" The boy exclaimed, his whipping around as he spoke. Mama cleared her throat, politely, signaling we needed his help. Before he could say anything, a brown and red head popped up from under the belt, holding up a tic tac, triumphantly.

"Aha! I found this sucker!" She cried, happily.

It was Bella.

"Bella?" Mama asked, pleasantly. "What a nice surprise! Do you work here?"

Bella looked a little annoyed. "Well, considering I don't have a snazzy smock on like this Bozo, I'm going to go with a no."

Mama ignored that comment, still acting happy. "So, where's your Father? You know were meeting for dinner tonight."

"Work. And woopdee fucking do for you." She answered, bored. Mama huffed at her crude language.

"Well, since Charlie and I are going out tonight, I thought it might be nice for you and Eddie to get acquainted." Mama told her, brightly.

She popped her purple gum, obnoxiously. "Can't. I have a life."

"He can hang with us, Bee." The boy shrugged, bagging my Mother's womanly products with a grimace.

"Um. No. He can't." She argued.

"It'll be fun. Max and Ricky won't mind." He told her, waving her last comment off.

"Yes, they will. I mind." She hissed. I blushed, a deep red. I felt rejection hit me like a ton of bricks. My Mother was trying to set up play dates for me, with my Step Sister who had made me pitch a tent the other night. I felt like a huge loser.

"Shut up. He's coming." The guy laughed, shoving her backwards. Mama gasped and I scowled. What was he doing, pushing her like that?

"Fuck you." She growled, stomping off.

"Crazy bitch," He muttered. "That'll be 45.72, ma'am. Oh, and dude, meet us at Rogerson Park on Peach Street. Its hard to miss."

"Alright." I nodded, trying to seem confident. He smiled, comfortingly.

"I'm Win, by the way." He added.

"Edward." I responded, shyly. He was a very nice guy. I only hoped Bella's other friends were the same.

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"You ass hat!" I exclaimed, pushing him backwards. I had gone home after Win had agreed to Fancy Pants hanging with us. Ricky came by and we rode to the park together on his Harley. Dad was gossiping with Billy about his new bitch, so he didn't even notice I left. Win and Max were already sitting on the jungle gym. When Ricky and I got there, they jumped down and I pushed Win back into the bars.

"Bella, give the kid a break." Win moaned, rubbing the back of his head.

"I don't want to get all buddy-buddy with this guy." I hissed. "Dad shouldn't even be getting married in the first place."

"Uh, Bee?" Max said, hesitantly. "Does the red headed step child drive a Volvo?"

"I don't know!" I growled, spinning around. As I said this, a car door opened and Edward stepped out, looking stylish as usual. He looked like a white Steve Urkel. Clumsy and all. His voice was surprisingly not whiny though.

"Hey, man!" Win grinned, going over to greet him. Ricky had already positioned himself on his usual swing, lighting up a cigarette with the Elmo lighter I got him for Christmas. He rolled his eyes as Win smiled widely, being all to friendly to the outsider.

"Hello, Win." He said, nervously. "Hello, Bella."

"Dip shit." I nodded back. He blushed a deep red and Winnie shot me a look.

"Shut your fuck, Shirley Temple." He retorted, sticking up for Eddie Boy.

"I'm shaking in my Mary Janes." I said, sarcastically, pulling myself up to sit on one of the low to the ground monkey bars.

"Can you even shut a fuck?" Max asked, seriously.

"Eddie, my man, this is Max, Ricky and well, you know, Kitty." Winnie smiled, gesturing towards me. Har har. One time, I get a little buzzed and suddenly I'm on That 70's Show!

"Kitty? I thought her name was Bella." Edward said, confused. Max laughed. I whistled, waving my hand over my head. That had gone right over Urkel's surpisingly not greasy head.

"Forget it, man." Win told him, good natured.

"So, um, what do you all, partake in out here?" He asked, very formally. We didn't really have something we _did, _we just kinda went with the flow.

"We talk." Win shrugged.

"Piss our pants." Max added, struggling to pull himself up on the bars with me. Edward looked a little scared. I snickered at his frightened face, enjoying his torment.

"Wanna smoke?" Ricky asked, out of nowhere. I was shocked. I was the only one Ricky ever offered them to.

"No, thank you, though." Edward said, a little apalled. Ricky shrugged, turning his head away and inhaling. "But that is terribly bad for you."

Ricky smiled, grimly. "That's the beauty."

"Pardon?" Edward asked, a little taken back.

Ricky put a finher to his lips, the world wide sign he wanted silence. Edward nodded, a little dazed.

"So, Eddie, you go to the uptown school, right?" Max grinned lazily, from his spot next to me.

"Yes, I go to Saint Jude's Catholic School." He answered, formally. I rolled my eyes. He needed to lighten up.

"I hear Bee Bear is joinin' ya up there!" Max laughed, thoroughly enjoying that.

"I beleive Bella is going with me, yes." Edward nodded.

"Hey, Ricky!" I cut in. "Toss me your pack."

He complied, tossing me up the nearly full pack of cigarette's. I pulled my red devil lighter out of my sweatshirt pocket, and lit up. I didn't usually smoke my own, I usually took a few drags of Ricky's, but I was seriously stressed with this kid.

"What do you do, Edward?" Win asked nicely.

"You do any hot chicks?" Max asked, dumbly. I pushed him, making him lose balance. He spun around anf fell to the ground with a thud. He glared up at me. "Funny stuff, Bee."

"I study." Edward answered, timidly.

"Fuck that, man. Everyone has a guilty pleasure." Max argued, climbing to the far side of the bars now. I couldn't reach him unless I climbed over and risked my ass hitting the ground.

"I, um, play a little piano." Edward muttered, embarassed. I had to admit. That was impressive. I couldn't play music for shit. I was, however, an excellent hokey pokeyer.

"That's cool shit, Eddie! Ma made me play for a little while, but then I was all like 'Waaa! This is boring,let my quit!' So she did." Max said, completely unaware of how much of fuckwad he was.

"Really You went 'Waaa!' and everything?" I asked, laughing.

"I was just demonstrating my whinier qualities for this nice young man." Max argued, daintily.

"Bull!" I exclaimed, letting another peal of laughter leak out.

Edward looked extremely uncomfortable just standing there, so I decided it might be nice to mess with him a little.

"Eddie, my main man, front and center." I ordered. He walked over to me, awkawardly.

"Yes, Bella?" He asked, quietly.

"Inspection!" I called in an Army General voice. "Ricky, I hit him high, you hit him low!"

"Whatever you say, Bella." He said, soflty. I couldn't help but smile at Ricky. People always misjudged him.

"What are you doing?" Edward demanded, hid voice getting higher, as I peeled his sweater off. It was an ugly pattern. I was doing him a favor. "It's 30 degrees!"

"Inspecting the muscle." I told him. "We've all done it."

He looked apalled. "But your a lady."

"Thank you for recognizing that fine fact." I answered, checking out his back. He got goosebumps when I touched his skin.

"But you have......you have..... womanly parts. And you took your shirt off?" He asked, a little shocked.

"Righto, my boy." I nodded. "The wonders a bra does."

He blushed, lightly.

"And besides," I looked in his face out the corner of my eye. "They know what they can and can't paw at. My lady lumps being in the can't category."

Ricky snorted from below me. I almost blushed as I heard that. I wasn't a whore, not at all. I was actually very particular. I was looked for the right....flavor, you might say. I've been with a few men in my day, and Ricky was looking for some comfort. I provided it. Two, maybe three times tops. No biggie. I mean, I've known Ricky for awhile now. I met him in Boston when I was seven. He was traveling with his Father at that time. A few letters, an email here and there, some long ass phone calls. We've always been buds.

"Stop the presses!" I called, as I looked over his abs. Yes, I did say abs. They weren't all that yummy, but they'd make a quick snack. "What's with the bruises, red headed step child?"

Edward looked anywhere but my face. "I tripped at school."

"And landed on a fist?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm findin' that hard to beleive. Ricky, do you agree?"

"In the fullest." He nodded, standing up from where he checked Edward's pockets. "He's got some big one's down there too. And I'm not just talking about those bruises."

Curiosity overtook me, and I glanced down. It was probably the same curiousity that killed that cat, because I just about died when I saw what was sticking around in his pants. I let out a little snicker, at the thought of where that came from.

"Whoa, Eddie has a boner!" Max howled with laughter. I swear, Edward's whole body turned red and he grabbed his sweater off the ground. He then proceeded to trip and run all the way to his car. I chased afeter him, half heartedly, but the truth was, I was a little satisfied. I had definately given the torment I wanted.

"Go make him feel better, Ricardo." I laughed. Ricky shot me a look from his position against the swing. He was looked after Edward's car, a little worried.

"I'm not the one that laughed at him. You just punctured his self esteem, Bella." Ricky stated, stiffly.

"Aw, Ricky," I sighed. "Don't go all Dr. Phil on me now."

"I'm not going Dr. Phil on you." He aruged, standing up.

"He's going Oprah on your ass!" Max added, pointing a finger at us.

"Shut up, dude." Win hissed, sensing a duel about to happen.

"I think Bells is like Ellen though. Except she's not, you know, a lesbian." Max shrugged. Win hissed something at him and slapped his arm. Max made a hurt face and rubbed his shoulder.

"Look, do what you want, Bella. But he's in the same position your in. He's just strong enough to suck it up." Ricky told me, seriously. I stared at him the whole way he walked back to his bike. I had gotten a ride with him, but he was on one of his moods. I'd catch a ride with Winnie or Max.

If they weren't going to get all sensitive on my ass too.

**Hola! Everyone like the chapter? There's a little taste of Bella's inner insecurities. She makes fun of everyone else to hide the fact that her self image is less then shining. Oh wow. I should be in the Dove commercials. Reviews are like shimmering hiakus and bring big smiles to my face. I might not be your best friend, but I will be your friend for a review. Does that strangely remind you of kindergarten? The song at the top is Trouble by Pink. I love her hair. It matches her name:)**

**Review!**


	3. Uptown Girl

_And when she's walking  
She's looking so fine  
And when she's talking  
She'll say that she's mine_

She'll say I'm not so tough  
Just because  
I'm in love  
With and uptown girl  
She's been living in her white bread world  
As long as anyone with hot blood can  
And now she's looking for a downtown man  
That's what I am

"Edward, darling, come here and let me fix your tie." Mama said, softly. Charlie and Hella were coming over tonight. I know it wasn't right to reference Bella with the devil, but I was mortified about the other night. Wasn't all this considered incest or something?

"My tie is fine, Mama." I answered, warily. I had re-done it at least six times. It looked perfect. But then again, I was an incompetent loser, so what did I know?

"Ding Dong, the wicked witch is dead!" I heard a voice sing from the doorway. Mama and I both turned to see Bella, dressed very colorfully. She was in a blue schemed tye dye dress with her red high tops and orange leggings. The only thing normal was the nearly dull gray sweater she had on. Except for the fact that she had a squirrel charm hanging from it.

"Sorry, she has no manners." Charlie huffed as he walked in, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, hush," Bella shushed him. "Eddie, Little Eddie- Medium Bella needs a word."

I blanched. "That's alright; I'd rather just stay here." But of course, Mama had to but in.

"Eddie, if Bella wants to bond with her brother, she should be given the chance." Mama grinned, loving that Bella wanted to actually speak with me.

"Yeah, Eddie. Bond with me." Bella smiled, smugly. She grabbed the collar of my shirt and practically dragged me into one of the rather large bathrooms on the first floor. She locked the door with a click and I gulped. She turned to me, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, please," She snorted. "If I were going to murder you, I'd get a better accomplice than dear old Dad out there."

"I believe that." I muttered, looking away.

"Hey, Child of Opression," She hissed, snapping her fingers near my face. "Cut the shit. I don't care what about what happened the other night."

My jaw fell a slack. She pushed it back up with her index finger. "I didn't embarrass you?"

"Embarrass me? We had a good laugh, but naw. I'm good." She chuckled.

"Well, you certainly embarrassed me." I pointed out, sullenly.

"Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it." She sighed. "And it's cool."

"What's cool?" I asked, finally looking up.

"It's cool that you're gay." She shrugged. If I had been drinking, I would have spit it out all over her.

"I'm not gay!" I gasped.

"Then why did you shoot up for Ricky Ricardo the other day?" She demanded, raising an eyebrow.

I blushed ten different shades of red. "That, uh, wasn't for, um, Ricky."

She took a minute to process this. Then after a moment of awkward silence, she snickered. "I gave you a hard on? Dude, isn't that, like, illegal?"

I was burning up as I rushed out of the powder room and into the kitchen where Mama and Charlie were having a glass of wine.

"Oh, darling," Mama cooed, a little liquored up already. "What did Bella have to say?"

"Nothing, Mama." I murmured, going to pour myself some milk. We were having Mexican tonight, as per Charlie's request and I needed something to stop the burning in my mouth. Not to mention the burning in my cheeks. Bella strolled in a moment later, looking incredibly satisfied.

"Well, well, well," She chuckled, picking up Charlie's glass and taking a sip before Mama could object. "If it isn't the Dream Team. Are you guys even allowed to drink?"

"I am not drunk, Bee Marie." Charlie sighed. "I'm buzzed. Hardly. You've seen me drunk. In fact, I've seen you drunk!"

"Ah, yes, my Coyote Ugly days." Bella sighed, happily, taking another sip. "Got any beer?"

"Yeah, its waiting for you at your twenty first birthday." Charlie told her, taking his glass back.

"Where's the easy button when you need it?" Bella muttered, trudging off into the dining room. Everyone followed. All the food was laid out perfectly on the table, Mama had spent hours on it. We had cleaning ladies that came in every week, but Mama liked to do everything else by herself. Well, with my help of course. Not that I _was_ much help.

"This looks delicious." Mama smiled, even though she grimaced. "Very exotic."

"Way to compliment yourself." Bella muttered. Charlie elbowed her. Bella made a face at him.

"Chipotle is way better." Bella mumbled, taking a big bite of her burrito. Before long, Charlie and Bella had thee helpings of all the rice and taco's, and whatever else was in their reach. Mama brought out churro's after they scarfed down all the food.

"That was great, Lizard." Charlie grinned, leaning back.

"Yeah, it was okay, slimy reptile." Bella agreed, slapping Charlie's stomach. He winced, and tugged at a lock of her hair, playfully. She hissed and then proceeded to stick her finger in her mouth and stick it in her Father's ear. Before they could do anything else to one another, Mama cut it.

"Well, this has been a lovely dinner." She smiled, fakely. She glanced at Charlie and smiled more genuinely. We escorted them to the door, politely. Mama kissed Charlie, deeply as she could with us in the room and then tried to give Bella an awkward hug. Bella, jumping back, threw her hand in the air, searching for a high five. Mama complied, clumsily. Bella made a 'Cha-Ching' noise and then proceeded to dance out the front door, like a spaz. She was so incredibly random, and energetic. It was like the energizer bunny, the Easter bunny, and a fucking bunny all wrapped up into one. Pardon my crude language.

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"No!" I moaned, plopping down on a box. Today was the day. Charlie and Elizabeth decided it would just be fabulous if we had a little family bonding time before the wedding. Fuck me on a fucking monkey. That was bull, and Charlie knew it. He just wanted a little more cuddly time with his slimy reptile, before she could make him sleep on the couch.

"Pick up the pace. The tortoise may have won that one race, but it was only because the hare was a cocky little bitch." Max ranted.

"And we ain't cocky bitches, so move it!" Winnie huffed. Him and Max were carrying our la-Z-boy out to the moving van Elizabeth insisted we needed. I was moving my boxes of clothes. We'd moved so many times, that clothes were really the only thing I held on to. Mix and match was my motto.

"Bee, a little help here?" Ricky sighed. I turned around. He was carrying my night table and couldn't open the door. I flung it open and lifted up my second box of clothes, carrying that out to the moving van. I was actually kind of glad we had the van. It was pouring and I didn't want my clothes getting all wet in the bed of our truck.

We carried the rest of the stuff out there. Well, Win and Max both fell down after carrying the la-Z-boy down like big pansy assed bitches. Dad was standing on the stoop of the building, sipping a cup of coffee from the Tiny Tim gas station down the street. Billy was standing there with him, patting him on the back. Dad and Billy were friends, they hung out whenever I wasn't home. Dad didn't have very many friends in the area, so me and him always hung out. Billy's wife died about five years ago, and Jake and Billy haven't really talked to each other since then. Jacob just comes and goes as he pleases, and Billy just....waits for him.

"Bye, Billy! I'll miss you so much!" I wailed, pretending to sob.

"Save it, Bella. I'll miss you too." He smiled, rolling his aged eyes. He hugged me, gently. I wasn't a touchy feely person, so hugs were rare for me.

"Take care of yourself. And that gang banger you call a son!" I ordered, pulling away kind of quickly.

"Alright, alright. If you promise to look after this joker," He grinned, pointing at Charlie. "And not kill anyone for at least a week."

"You got it. Oh, I'll miss my days in limbo." I sighed, looking around dramatically.

"Let's get out of this pity party." Max mumbled, climbing in the moving van. Winnie was driving and Max and Ricky were hanging out in the back with our crap.

"See yeah, old man!" I called, running out into the rain. Charlie waved goodbye and followed me, climbing in the driver's side, quickly.

"Remember us little people!" He yelled back, waving as we pulled out of the lot and followed the guys uptown to our new place of residence. I've been practicing saying stuffy things like that so Normal Sized Eddie will know what I'm talking about sometimes.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, until Dad started being an annoying fuck and singing along to the staticy radio.

"She wears tee shirts, I wear short skirts-"

"One, that doesn't surprise me and two, those aren't the words, dumbass." I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"I'm cheer captain and she's on the bleachers!" He belted out. I put my hood up and used the stringy things to tie it up so I looked like a bowling pin.

When Dad finally stopped stabbing my eardrums with a pitchfork, I started in on the questioning.

"Do they have a pool?" I asked.

"Yep." He answered.

"Do they have a swing set?" I asked.

"No." He answered.

"Can we get a swing set?" I asked.

"Why exactly?" Dad asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because Rogerson Park is over the hills and through the woods, and I'm not riding my skateboard all the way across town to watch Ricky smoke on a swing, when I could do it at the house." I huffed.

"I don't think Lizzie wants you guys lighting up around the house." Dad told me, uneasily.

"Oh, she doesn't have to do it," I whined. "She shouldn't even care, it's not like I'm her daughter."

"Not biologically, no. But Lizzie would love to think of you as her daughter." Dad answered, seriously.

"Oh, fuck it, I already have a Mom." I muttered.

"Really?" Dad snorted.

"Well, unless _you_ squeezed me out of your mangina, I'm gonna have to guess I have a female parent." I laughed.

"I wouldn't call her a parent." Dad sighed.

"Fine. A female that pushed me out of her vagina, screaming and bloody, and then proceeded to name me and leave." I tried, hoping for a smile.

"You got the leaving part right. And she did give you your middle name. It was her sister's name. And yes, she did push you out of her vagina, but it took two to get you there." He told me, smugly.

"Okay, is this some twisted version of the birds and the bees?" I demanded, huffing.

"No, but it took your mind off moving. Oh, and look at that, we're here." He said, cheerfully. He pulled up into the perfectly paved driveway, where Elizabeth was waiting there, happy as a clam. But, I never got that saying. Are clams happy creatures? Are they any happier than any other thing under the sea? I mean, they just sit there. But, I guess I'd like to sit on my ass all day too.

"Hello, hello!" She sang, skipping over to us.

"Howdy, Lizzie." Dad grinned, pecking her on the cheek.

"Oh, darling, I've been missing you so much!" She told him, sing song like. Ugh. Like, gag me with a spoon. Valley Girl has come out to play.

"Oh, Bella, I missed you too!" Elizabeth added, coming over to hug me. "Isn't this just so much fun? Oh, another girl in the house! I could just die!"

"Go ahead." I snapped, pulling away from her, roughly. I stormed over to Maxi and Winnie, who were unloading the truck. Ricky was getting my boxes out of the pickup.

"That was cold, Bee Bear." Winnie said, sadly.

"Cold as ice." Maxi agreed, pretending to shiver, running his hands up his arms.

"Christ on a cracker, you jerk offs! I wasn't that mean." I groaned.

"Bella, you basically told her to suck your left nut!" Max exclaimed. I stared at him, raising an eyebrow. "Well, it's not like you have nuts or anything. Fine, okay, you practically told her to suck your left tit!"

"Is my left bigger than my right?" I asked, innocently, grabbing it.

"Yeah, you lopsided ho." Max answered, pulling an end of the La-Z-boy out of the truck.

"I don't think your lopsided, Bee." Winnie said, sweetly. He then squinted. "Well...."

"Shut your hole!" I said, outraged.

"Which one?" Max asked.

I gave him the finger as I walked back over to Elizabeth and Dad. Elizabeth was eyeing Ricky as he made his way into the house. Oh, sure. Make shady eyes at my pal. She doesn't know anything.

"So, where's the red headed step child?" I asked, cheerfully as I could.

"Oh, he's at the library studying. He should be home any minute." Elizabeth smiled, always in the mood to talk about her wuss. Almost like clockwork, Red Headed Step Child pulled up in his geek squad Volvo and ducked his head. Aha. Red didn't know we'd be here so soon.

"Well, I guess he picked this minute." I heard Ricky murmur, scaring Elizabeth. She didn't know he was behind her. Ricky smiled, softly and Elizabeth shakily returned it.

"Eddie, darling! Welcome home, sugar bear." Elizabeth cooed. Whoa. Baby, much? Was he wearing a diaper?

"Hello, Mama." Edward mumbled, embarrassed she was cooing him around us.

"Eddie, sweetie, why don't you go show Bella her room? I'm sure she'd love a tour." Elizabeth suggested, happily. I rolled my eyes.

"Lead the way, Red." I sighed, making my way into the massive house. The guys shrugged and followed, Winnie pulling Edweirdo along with him. Max whistled as soon as we walked in.

"Cribs, here we come." He chuckled, looking around. "What's this place worth?"

"More than you'll ever make." I snorted.

"Hey, you never know. I might just up my brother a few and inherit the family farm." Max said, proudly.

"Dude, I could sell my jeans and buy your farm." I scoffed. Max muttered something, and stomped up the bad ass marble staircase. The outside of the house was incredibly pretty....in the sun. It was rainy and gross right now. They had a large garden out front and I'm guessing its pretty great in the summer. But right now, not so much. The house had a more simple exterior, but the inside was massive.

"Alright, well, um, this way, I suppose." Edward told me, stuttering. He lead me up the stairs, while the guys went off and checked things out themselves. Last I heard, Max was in a bathtub, calling for Winnie and Ricky to come see that 'totally awesome piece of fuck'.

"This is the bathroom," Edward announced, opening a door. "Here's my Mother's sitting room."

"Your Ma has a sitting room?" I demanded. "How many rooms are there?"

"Fourteen, I believe, if you count the bathrooms." He answered shyly.

"So they headed up the truck and they moved to Beverly." I sang, quietly.

"Hills, that is." I heard, in a small voice next to me. Edward was looking at the floor.

"I didn't know that The Trump family watched The Beverly Hillbillies." I snickered.

"We're not quite as rich as the Trumps, but yes, I used to watch re-runs when I was younger." He responded, running a hand through his un greased hair.

"Same here. Dad and I used to stay up late and watch them." I told him, heading up the other stairs. "How many floors?"

"Four." He told me, softly. Ugh. I was going to go insane trying to understand his mumbles.

"Speak up there, Red. I ain't no mind reader." I ordered, glancing in a few rooms.

"Sorry." He apologized, blushing. "You're room is on the fourth floor, if you'd like to see it."

"That would be my intention." I nodded, dancing up the stairs. He followed me, slowly. "Whoa, don't go so fast there, Ricky Bobby."

"Sorry." He blushed harder this time, speeding up. We were at the fourth floor in no time at all, and Eddie Boy lead me to a door at the end of the hall.

"Am I being out casted?" I demanded, stopping in front of the door.

"No, o-o-of course not. Mama just thought you'd be more comfortable on a more...private floor." He answered, nervously.

"I have been voted off the island." I sighed. "What else is up here in the Trump Tower?"

"A bathroom, an extra bedroom, my study....my bedroom." He told me, almost inaudibly.

"Hmm." I pondered, out loud. "That could be a problem."

"Oh. Why?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Are you a rat?" I demanded. "Or, better yet, a tattletale?"

"No, not really." He stammered.

"Will you tell when I sneak out?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not if you don't want me to." He answered, after a moment.

"Will you cover for me?" I tried again.

"To the best of my abilities." He responded, nodding his head, slightly.

"Let's say I'm feeling a little bit, oh, I don't know.....saucy. Will you go down on me?" I smiled, teasing him. He turned bright red and stammered under his breath.

"I, well, erm, I don't know, um, maybe, if, well-" He stuttered, clearly searching for a rescue.

"Relax, Red. Messing with you. Better get used to it." I warned him.

"A-alright." He mumbled, turning his head. Impulsively, I grabbed his chin, and pulled him to look at me.

"Quit mumbling. I can't understand a word your saying." I said, gently. "Besides. I'll want to be able to hear you when your sexing me up."

He looked trapped. I winked, and then snickered at his wide eyes.

"Rule number one- Learn to take a joke. I make a lot of them." I sighed, smiling slightly.

"I'll try." He nodded, letting out a small sigh of relief.

"If at first you don't succeed." I murmured, opening my bedroom door.

"Try, try again." I heard behind me. I grinned. Red might not be as bad as I thought.

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**I always love reviews! Reviews make me smile. Reviews make me happy. Please review. It'll make me happy. And smiley. And better yet, it'll make me want to update sooner.****That was a bit creepy, wasn't it? Anyway, the song at the top was Uptown Girl by Bily Joel. Just giving you a little snippet of Charlie and Elizabeth. I thought that song fit them well.**

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	4. That's Not My Name

_They call me 'quiet girl'  
But I'm a riot  
Mary-Jo-Lisa  
Always the same  
That's not my name  
That's not my name  
That's not my name  
That's not my name  
_

"Hot. Damn." I heard Bella gasp in front of me. She had just finished her daily poke Edward's self esteem session and was standing in her new room. I didn't see why she felt the need to curse so much. It was a horrible habit.

"Is something the matter?" I asked, politely. I made sure to keep my voice at a reasonable volume. She didn't like it when I spoke too softly.

"Hot. Fucking. Damn." She repeated, adding in a new crude word. "I think I might die."

"Why?" I asked, slightly alarmed.

"This is....hot damn." She breathed. Her voice cracked a little. She cleared her throat and shook her head. "It's fucking awesome."

"That's great." I smiled. I had actually been the one to pick her room out. I thought she might like it.

The walls were white, so she had a blank canvas. The floors were hardwood, which meant no stains. That was mainly Mama's worry. The room was rather large. Enough room for all her stuff, plus the things Mama planned on buying her. There was a large bay window with a seat made of white fabric. The seat lifted up too. I thought it was neat.

She walked in, slowly. She went over to the window. She stroked the glass, gently. She then proceeded to lower herself onto the bench. She was in awe.

"I've never had a real room before." She whispered. "Shit."

"We thought you might like it." I admitted. "And Mama says you can do whatever you want with it."

"Well, Mary Mother of Jesus. This room is pretty beast, Red." She laughed, a little hysterically. "Say...where's the parental's lair?"

"On the second floor." I answered, quickly. I admit, it was odd thinking someone would be sleeping in my Mama's bed tonight. With her.

"Cool, cool. Can't hear them, they can't hear us." She said, almost to herself.

"I'm glad you like the room." I offered, weakly.

"I'm fucking glad I finally have a real room." She laughed. "You care if I take a look around? I've got it from here."

"Be my guest." I answered, smiling. She was actually being nice to me. Girls were never nice to me.

She danced out of the room, her hips swaying as she went. I blushed to myself. I shouldn't think like that. She was my sister now. Granted, we weren't actually related, but still. That just wasn't right.

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I skipped down the stairs of the fourth floor, leading me to the mysterious third floor. Red hadn't said anything about this one. I randomly opened a door. Hmm. A bathroom. Again. The Masen's must have extremely small bladders. I walked to another door and took my chances. A bedroom. Really? Who stayed here? Door number three. No way.

It was a library.

I would never admit it, but I was an avid reader. In text, I didn't mind words like avid. I loved the older books, like Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. But I also was a fan of the trashy modern novels. Nothing too smutty, I'm not that kind of girl. If there's something in my vagina, I prefer it not be attached to my body. Just more modern books. Sarah Dessen was actually a favorite of mine.

I looked around, expecting to find old encyclopedias and family history books. But Elizabeth Masen surprised me. There were all kinds of books in here. Classic, trashy, angst, mysterious, smutty, suspenseful. You name it, it was in this room. There was even a collection of DVD's and videos. Magazine's too. This room was huge. Picture the library in Beauty and the Beast, but shrink it a little. There was big soft red couch in the middle of it, near the fireplace, that I honestly couldn't wait to curl up on. I heard wheezing and guessed it was Max and Winnie moving things around.

I reluctantly tore myself away from the magical room, to explore the rest of the house. There was a sitting room on this floor too. That was it for the third floor. The second floor held my Daddio's new lovin' room, another God damn bathroom and an extra bedroom. Jesus Christ. Really, who the hell was staying here that took up like six extra rooms?

I was back to the first floor a minute later. In the foyer, Max and Winnie were panting. Max glared at me.

"Don't help or anything." He hissed. "I mean, it's not like it's your crap were hauling."

"Its fine, Bells. We're done anyway." Winnie shrugging, catching his breath. Geez, how long was I gone? Before I could ask, Dad was in the front door.

"Everything accounted for?" He checked.

"Everything's fine and dandy." Max said, sarcastically. What a fucking pussy.

"The card table is in the game room, the side tables are in there designated rooms, same with the beds and the boxes." Win told him.

"Wow. I almost feel like I should pay you." Dad whistled. Max held his hand out, excitedly.

"I said almost." Dad pointed out. Max sighed and put his hand down. He then turned to me, tiredly.

"Bee, I love you to death, but I'm getting the fuck out of here. I'm going home and sleeping for a year." He yawned. Winnie nodded, agreeing with him.

"Fine, you big bunch of pansies. Go curl up in your race car beds and have a nice nap. I'll be here, awaiting my doom." I said, dramatically.

"Glad you understand." Winnie grinned, kissing my cheek, before leaping out the front door after Max. Dad shifted so he could put his arm around me. He then sighed and looked around.

"Well, Bellsy," He grinned. "Welcome home."

I looked at the big marble staircase and the glittering chandelier in disdain. I thought it was tacky. And compared to some of my stuff....

"Don't you like it?" He asked, rubbing my shoulder.

"It's....gaudy. But hey, my room is pretty bad ass, you need to see it." I told him, elbowing him slightly in the stomach.

"Well, its five o'clock, we haven't eaten, your room has nothing in it, Liz and Edward are probably waiting for us, so...." He trailed off, looking at his watch.

"Let's get in the pool!" I finished.

"Bells, it's the middle of March. It's cold." He told me, blankly.

"I betcha a million dollars that they have a heated pool." I grinned.

"You have a million dollars just lying around?" He demanded, following me out to the large back doors.

"No, but I'm sure I can find it in the couch cushions." I answered, swinging open the back door. Before we could get any farther, we were stopped.

"Where are you two going?" Elizabeth demanded, hands on her hips.

"Swimming." Charlie supplied, a little uneasy.

"I don't think so, its forty five degrees. Charlie, what are you thinking? You don't even have bathing suits on!" She said, aghast.

"We were planning on going in our clothes." He said, feebly.

"Like barbarians." She sniffed. "You can swim when the weather is nicer. Come inside and help me with dinner, Bella. Honestly, you two."

Dad and I trudged back in, angrily. We wanted to swim! We were both pouting. Pouting was cuter on me though, considering Dad was like thirty something. I dragged my feet into the Cinderella kitchen and glared at Elizabeth, who was cutting vegetables, neatly. She smiled back at me, warmly.

"There you are, Bella! I was just about to come out and get you again. Come here, and chop this celery." She ordered, sweetly. I wanted to do other things with that knife.

"So, Bella, are you excited about school starting in a few days?" She asked, gleefully.

"Tickled pink." I said, sarcastically.

"I have the uniform already hanging up in your closet. I got you five of them, one for everyday of the week. That way we can just wash them on the weekends. And we can go get you things for your room, bright and early, tomorrow. Tonight you can sleep in one of our guest bedrooms. We'll get you a new bed too, considering yours is so tiny." She prattled on and on, while I chopped the celery, forcefully.

"And tonight we'll go through your stuff, and see what we can get rid of." She announced.

Oh. Yeah. That's not happening.

"Pass." I said.

"Pass?" She repeated, confused.

"Pass, stop, do not collect three hundred dollars." I told her, irritated.

"You don't want to donate?" She asked, with a hurt expression.

"Donate? Dad and I are piss poor, what is there to donate?" I snorted.

"You're not poor, Bella! We'll always take care of you." Elizabeth said, shocked.

"Yeah. That's not happening. I can take care of myself, thank you." I told her, dismissively.

"You're sixteen Bella and we're your parents-"

That was all I needed to hear. I dropped the knife on the ground and stormed away from that horrid kitchen. I couldn't fucking believe she was already playing the 'We're your parents card'. She was my Step Mom. Not my Mom. Did she give birth to me? I think not. I grabbed my skateboard off the porch and threw it on the ground to skate to the park.

But then it hit me.

Ricky never went home.

I threw my skateboard near the door and rushed back in the house. Elizabeth was standing there, looking a little pissed. I ran by her and up the stairs, seriously wondering why these people didn't have a God damn elevator. I ran by Red in the hallway and flung open my door. My room was dark, but there was a shadowy figure sitting on my bench. He was looking out the window, with sorrow. I took a deep breath and approached him, slowly. I touched his shoulder, gently.

"You cool?" I asked, softly.

"As a cucumber." He responded, in a whisper.

That was our code. I removed my hand and ran it through his auburn hair. It was a darker color than Edward and Elizabeth's. There's was a lot brighter, like fire. Ricky's was almost like blood. I sat down next to him, looking out the window. We made this promise years ago.

And now I was going to sit here, on this fucking bench, till my best friend was alright.

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"Hey, boy, where's my offspring?" Charlie asked, jogging up the fourth floor stairs.

"In her room, I believe." I answered, quietly. She had gone rushing in there about half an hour ago, and never came out. Her door was slightly ajar, but I didn't want to pry. Charlie obviously didn't feel the same, for he flung her door open and peered inside. He glanced around and sighed. He proceeded to shake his head and close the door. He muttered something under his breath as he leaned against the wall.

"Whats the matter, if you don't mind me asking?" I questioned, politely. He glanced at me, briefly.

"That girl spends too much time on him. He dumps his problems on her and she loses sleep. It's not right." He murmured.

"Who?" I asked, confused. There was a male in there with her? But, who would sneak in? They just got here but a few hours ago!

"Ricky." Charlie said, scathingly.

"Ah." I murmured.

"They're asleep on the bench. They'll be out for hours." He sighed. "Oh, well. Come on, kid, your Mom made dinner."

"I'm be down in just a moment." I muttered. I sighed. I trudged back in my room, to ponder my feelings in the dark.

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I woke up, when I heard mumblings in the hallway. My door had just closed, and I got up to see who was out there. I got on the floor and tried to see under the door. I could make out my Dad's boots and Red's....loafers? Really? He's sixteen. Shouldn't he have on, I don't know, those loser basketball shoes guys seem to be obsessed with? I shook that thought away, and concentrated to listen to what Dad was saying.

"...spends too much time with him. He dumps his problems on her and she loses sleep. It's not right." He mumbled. Mr. Jesus Christ, not this again!

"Who?" Red Headed Step Child asked, confused.

"Ricky." Dad said, bitingly. Fuck. That was his, 'Imma bout to mess you up, son. You on a bench with my baby!' voice.

"Ah." Red murmured. Talk louder!

"They're asleep on that bench. They'll be out for hours." Dad sighed. "Oh, well. Come on, kid, your Mom made dinner."

"I'll be down in just a moment." Red told him. I heard his door shut and I huffed. It's not like people never talked about that weirdo Swan girl before. But I felt a little betrayed that my own Dad was gossiping about his big whore of a daughter. He would never say it, but that's what he's worried about. He's worried I'll end up barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. I knew he was worried, but he didn't need to go complaining to Red about it! I was right there. He might've thought I was asleep, and I could still be if he hadn't slammed the door like that! He needed to learn how to talk about his daughter behind her back more softly. But I was a little bit sad too.

I was hungry.

And I was supposed to be asleep with my miscreant best friend!

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Chinese. My completely not Asian Mother attempted to make Chinese food. Mama, you're British! Dad is British! Heck, I even have an accent! I wanted to tell her these things, but that would have been rude. Mama raised me to a gentleman. And a gentleman I would always be. Not that many girls would ever give me the time of day. We sat down for dinner, with Mama's lips pursed. I nearly rolled my eyes. Weren't teenage girls known for being emotional and temperamental? Wasn't Mama prepared for this? Charlie was keeping his eyes on the deformed dumpling in front of him.

"Charlie," Mama started. "Where is Bella?"

"She's, uh, upstairs." He muttered.

"She needs to be down here with us. Its family time." Mama insisted, not so cheerful anymore.

"Look, Lizzie, Bella isn't used to this. She'll be down tomorrow. She's just...tired." He said, hesitantly.

Mama sighed, in a small tone. "Alright. I suppose her and I will get some bonding time tomorrow when we go shopping."

Charlie's eyes widened. "Um, what are you guys shopping for?"

"Bedrooms things. I might get her a few outfits, too. Something that matches." Mama said, playfully.

"Lizzie, I'm not trying to order you around or anything, but let Bella pick her own stuff. She's picky. Got that from her Mother." Charlie told her. Ah, the mystery woman.

Mama gave him a hard look. "I'll try."

"That's all I ask of you." Charlie answered, smiling with a mouth full of white rice. A few pieces fell out of his mouth. Mama reached over next to her and wiped his mouth off. I actually wish Bella was down here to see this. She would have had the guts to comment. And the brain to actually think of a comment.

"This rice is pretty jammin'." Charlie stated.

"Jamming'?" Mama asked, amused. "Where on Earth have you heard that?"

"Bella." Charlie shrugged. "She uses a lot of different phrases. Some nerdy ones, like jammin, for example."

"That's the funk!" We heard screamed from upstairs. Charlie looked a little surprised. He rolled his brown eyes though, the exact same eyes his daughter had. Mama looked alarmed, until Charlie placed a hand on hers. She calmed instantly. I peered around the dining room wall, still seated. There was Bella, almost half way over our large pristine banister. She was grinning, happily. She winked at me. I blushed.

I won't mind that beauty living here. Especially on the same floor....

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For the love of Tina Turner. What the fuck was this woman trying to do?

Not only had she woke me up at seven o'clock on the dot, on a Saturday morning, but she had also insisted I wear my new school uniform. Test it out, you know? No, Martha God Damn Stewart, I don't know! I look like I should be in The Facts Of Life. Maybe later, Tootie, Natalie and Blair will help Mrs. G and I in the shop! We've been losing money, you know, because Mrs. G gives shit away for free. If Jo was as bad ass as she claimed, how was it that she never once felt the need to tell Tootie to get a new fucking name? Or for Natalie to shut her God damn mouth? And if she hated Blair so much, why didn't she ever verbally tell her exactly how she felt? I mean, I'm sure even Obama has some choice words for Blair Warner.

"Oh, I adore this shop!" Elizabeth chirped, taking me by the hand. She then proceeded to lead me into Christopher & Banks. What the ever living shit was that?

"Oh, Bella, you would look adorable in this!" She told me, a spark in her eyes. It was a skirt. A pencil skirt. A black pencil skirt. A boring, black pencil skirt. Was she a blind woman? That'd explain her closet.

"Yeah. I'd look snappy." I agreed. Elizabeth grinned so widely, I thought her lips might split. When she turned around, I took that as an opportunity to make my escape. I weaved through racks of clothing and business woman on cell phones. I finally made my way out of the store. I sighed and looked around. We had gone to Portland to shop today. Elizabeth took us in her new Mercedes Benz. Said she had a sister who's owed her a favor. When I questioned the no family thing, she explained the term sister. Sister, as in sorority sister. They were in a sorority together some odd years ago, and they still kept in touch. Apparently her and her husband were Red's godparents.

Whoopee. Elizabeth Masen lets hear your life story!

I found a Hot Topic a little while away. I usually didn't have enough money to buy anything, so I skimmed the sales racks. I was looking at pair of jeans when Elizabeth came charging in. She looked horrified.

"Bella, you cannot wear this stuff! This is the Devils store. It makes you look trashy." She whispered, fiercely.

"Jeans are very trashy." I agreed, rolling my eyes.

"Bella, I'm trying to help you. The kids at your school have money-"

"Money? That's it? Money don't intimidate me. Bring it on." I laughed, using bad grammar to bug Elizabeth.

"Money makes the world go round, Bella. Please, remember that." Elizabeth said, pleadingly.

"La la la, I can't hear you!" I sang, covering my ears. "Whats that, Liz? You want me to go buy these jeans?"

Elizabeth sighed as I smiled triumphantly and nearly skipped with glee over to the cashier. It was a college kid, that much was obvious. Or, better yet, a drop out. He stank like weed.

"Your Mom's hot." He told me in a rough voice.

"Your Mom's fuck." I parroted.

He glanced up at me from the register. "That made no sense."

"Your Mom makes no sense." I told him.

"All I said was that your Mom had a bod, little girl. No need to shit that brick." He told me, grinning. "Whats the matter? Jealous?"

"Jealous? Of my Dad's hooker?" I demanded.

"She's really a prostitute?" He asked, pondering. "How much?"

"Your soul." I said, bleakly. I grabbed my bag and stormed back over to Elizabeth. "We gots to go."

"Why?" She asked, a little surprised. She was just about to tell me the same thing.

"Because you're about to get a lot of customers." I told her, leading her out of the store. She looked confused. I thought about telling her, but decided against it. Even Dad wouldn't laugh with me about this one.

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Never in my life, have I ever been so uncomfortable.

Charlie and I had been sitting at the kitchen table for an hour. We had eaten breakfast, chatted a little, I did some studying. What does one do with their Step Dad? I'm sure Bella was having a horrible time right now too. I loved Mama, but she was so difficult. Besides, Bella and Mama were opposites. And in this case, opposites are not attracting.

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Whoever said opposites attract was taking some serious smack, because I'd rather suck a truck before attracting to Elizabeth Masen.

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"So, Edward....kiddo....how's life?" Charlie asked, drawing out kiddo.

"It's alright. How about you?" I asked, politely.

"Pretty good. I just moved in here, so....you know." He shrugged. I knew. But I wish I didn't.

"That's good, I suppose." I muttered, pushing my glasses back up the bridge of my nose.

"Alright, alright. Let's cut the shit." Like daughter, like father.

"What do you mean?" I asked; happily back in my mumbling state.

"I know that you're not the....toughest....kid at your school, and I know Bella is more than capable of taking care of herself. But, all I'm asking is that you try and keep her out of trouble. This is a good opportunity for her. I don't want her screwing her life up like me." Charlie told me, seriously.

"I'll do the best I can." I told him, surprised. "But I don't think you screwed your life up."

"Kid, you have no idea." He told me, softly. "But that's a story for a different awkward afternoon. And trust me, little man, there's going to be many, many more."

"Tell me about it." I mumbled.

Charlie grinned. "Now that the ice has cracked, tell me Edward. Why?"

"Why...?" I trailed off, confused.

"You're a good looking kid. Contacts are cool. Clothes are available. Weights can be lifted. Hell, man, you're even British! Don't women think that's sexy? Why?" He demanded.

"I....I don't know." I stuttered.

Charlie chuckled, heartily. "It's cool, little man. Just think about it."

With that little tid bit of advice, Charlie got up and walked out. I sat there in the wooden kitchen chair, dumbfounded. Did Charlie just tell me I didn't have to be a loser? I shook my head, clearing it. I've always been uncool. I've never really fit in anywhere. I love my piano, but there's no piano club at school. If there was, I'd be the only one in it. And no one wants Nerdward Masen in their study groups. I almost hated admit it, but I was look forward to Bella coming to school with me. She was rough, but people generally liked her. She was humorous, she was gorgeous, she was athletic. She was a good person. She would never admit it, but she was a nice girl. If you gave her the chance. I'd only known Bella for a few days, but let me tell you something.

I was going to like her here.

As I sat there in my chair, smiling like a complete idiot, something hit me. No, not a fist, like I was used to. Charlie....

Charlie had called me little man.

What the heck?

**I am somewhat ashamed to say the last time I said what the heck, I was only watching my words because there were small children in the room. I need to work on that. Enjoyable? Or did you feel the intense need to rip your eyes out and throw them away from the screen for protection? Hopefully the first one. Haha. I used the little man thing from my Dad. He always calls my brother little man. And he is most definately not a little man. The song at the top is Thats Not My Name by The Ting Tings. I chose that song because I thought it was good representation for how Bella feels out of place in Liz's world. Because that is most definately not her place and she feels like she's not even in her own world with Liz. Freaky.**

**Review!**


	5. Homewrecker

_Oh, girl  
I'm feeling dumb  
Oh, oh, girl  
You're the one_

That makes it hard to  
Lock my doors at night  
Even my fire alarms won't work right  
And as I try to sleep I  
Glance next doors  
And all I see is his lips touchings yours  
Oh girl

"Hey, you asscrack!" I yelled, from across the yard. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be!" He yelled back.

We were circling the pool. I cranked up the heat and threw on my only bathing suit. It was plain ol' black. Dad was on the other side of the pool, taking deep breaths.

"Lizzie is gonna strangle us." He warned me.

"Live and let die." I shrugged.

"Guns N' Roses. Original." Dad snorted.

"Just jump, old man." I said, impatiently.

"Well, when your being so nice." He muttered, taking one long freaking breath. I heard heels clicking in the kitchen. Shit. Elizabeth wasn't supposed to be home for another two hours. I saw the French Door handle turn and I dashed behind a freshly cut bush. I was shivering a little, but it was managable. I heard a big splash and a shriek. I snickered into my hand.

"Charles! You get out of that water right now!" Elizabeth screamed. I heard a sigh. There was some sloshing and then I heard teeth chattering. Elizabeth tsked and Dad was still trying to apoligize in shudders.

"What could have posessed you to do that?" Elizabeth demanded. I peeked out of the bush, my eyes pleading. He glanced back at me, sullenly.

"Well, it wasn't entirely my fault...."

Fuck. That lousy motherfucker was going to sell me out. Jesus, please, do not let that lazy bastard sell me out.

"I was a little tipsy, actually, when I jumped in. The screaming sobered me right up though, no worries." He told her, quick and clean.

Fuck, yes. If Heaven has a dodgeball league, Jesus is on my team. Dad's ass is on the bench.

"Drinking and swimming, Charles, honestly. You could have gotten yourself killed. You have a family now, you need to be more careful." She scolded. I froze. There was silence. Calm before the storm, they say.

"Family? Now? I've had a family for the past sixteen years." Dad growled. "We might be a small one, but we're still a family."

"Charlie, I didn't mean that-"

"Then what did you mean?" He hissed. "Bella already hates it here. Slip up like that around her and I'm not holding her back when she pounces."

Sorry, Jesus. Dad just earned the only free position on the team. Maybe God will let you ref.

"I-I'm sorry, darling." She stuttered. She seemed shocked. Well, I doubted Elizabeth Money Bags Masen has ever had anyone put her in her place.

Dad grunted and I heard the doors slam. It was kind of out of character...

....but I felt bad for Elizabeth.

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5:00. It was only 5:00. Why on Earth would she scream like that. I had slept in. I thought she would want me to inform her she had slept in too. I must have surprised her. I mean, why else would she curse like that? I swear, that girl has the worst potty mouth I've ever heard. Perhaps she has turretts. Mama would have to look into that. I didn't think she meant to, but she pinched my arm on her way into the bathroom. She must have been holding herself up. I mean, she did look a little dizzy. When I had heard the shower start, I left the room. I needed a shower too, but I had learned to be quick about it. I had a feeling Bella would be in there for quite some time. If anything, she seemed to take pride in being clean.

I had a specific morning ritual. Mama and I both. I took a fifteen minute shower. Washed me hair and my body. Shaved. Washed my face with cleanser. Used my acne medication. Got dressed. Ate breakfast with Mama. Drove my Vovlo to school. And was ridiculed.

But that was at school. And it was just part of the routine. And we had to stick to the routine.

Mama had laid my clothes out on my bed. I nearly blushed. I had spoken to Mama about this before. I could pull out my own clothes. But I always let her do it anyway. She didn't have many people in her life. She liked taking care of me. And when she was elderly, I'd care for her. I didn't really mind, I mean, I wore the same thing everyday. Its not like she actually picked out my clothes. I would definately have to talk to her if she did that. But I shook that thought off. I heard the clicking of heels down the hall. Mama must be laying Bella's clothes out. Strange. It felt odd having my Mama lay someone else's clothes out. But it must feel weird for Bella to have someone else hanging around her Father also.

Oh well. It was for Mama.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Mama chirped, setting a plate of pancakes before me. I dug in, greedily. I slowed down when Mama gave me a hard look. Politeness was valued in this house. I was just starving. Mama had her hands full with Charlie last night and we hadn't had much of a dinner. It was a caaserole, actually. Not very tasteful, but it filled Bella up, who had mysteriosuly been in the backyard. In her bathing suit. I knew Charlie had covered for her. It made me smile. It was panfully obvious she was his pride and jou. He'd do anything for that girl.

"Good morning, Mama. These are fabulous." I told her, happily.

"Good morning, Mama. These are fabulous." A nasty voice rang out through the kitchen. Bella was there in a robe with wet hair. Her robe had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on it. Michael Angelo, I beleive. "Jesus, Nerdward, grow a pair."

"Good morning, Bella." Mama smiled, not even bothering to ask what 'grow a pair' meant. "Pancakes?"

"Pass. Gotta stick with my man Apple Jacks." She grinned.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry, Bella. I haven't gotten to the store yet. We don't have any Apple Jacks." Mama told her, sadly. She neglected to tell Bella that she had no plans to buy them either. She said sugared cereal was the source of all obesity in young children.

"That's cool." Bella said, fishing something out of the pocket of her robe. She pulled out a mini box of Apple Jacks. "All I need is a glass of milk and I'm good to go."

Mother of Pearl. She carried cereal in her Ninja Turtle robe.

Mama looked horrified. She was about to protect, when a few sleepy grumbles rang through the kitchen. Charlie stumbled in wearing, you guessed it- Hello Kitty boxers. Bella wolf whistled. Charlie shot her a sarcastic look.

"You got me these." He pointed out.

"When I was seven." She snorted.

"Age is but a number." He murmured, pouring himself some coffee.

"Ah, yes, a wise man once said, only fools rush in-"

"But I can't help falling in love with you." I finished. All heads turned to me. I darkened. I honestly didn't like attention.

"Well, enough of this love fest. I'm gonna get dressed. Try not to miss me." Bella announced kissing her Dad's stubly cheek. "And tuck your junk in."

Charlie glared at her. She laughed, throwing her head back. She then proceeded to skip up the stairs. She had managed to sneak by Mama with her cereal and a glass of milk. If she hadn't made that comment about Charlie's, erm, private parts, I'm positive Mama would have made her sit down and eat with us. But I don't think she could focus on eating. Her Step Daughter just commented on her fiance's penis.

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Must. Kill. Red. Child. Step. Head.

Can't. Think. Right.

Woke. Up. Five. Clock. No. Kill. Destroy.

Can't even think in sentences, I'm so fucking tired. Want to crawl in hole and die. I knew if I didn't get up, I wouldn't be able to do my morning shower ritual though. I pinched Red as hard as I could on his stupid arm. Stupid Red with his stupid alarm and his stupid chipper attitude. I turned the shower on, letting the steam fill up the shower. I stripped down, naked as a jaybird and jumped. I jumped again. And again. Again. Again. I flailed my arms around. I kicked my legs around. I shook my hair. I did the conga by myself. I did the running man and the robot. I even did a small cartwheel. When the mirror was completely fogged up, I wrote my name in the glass and drew and monkey under it. I then kissed both sides of the monkey and both L's in my name. I threw open the shower door and took a long, over exaggerated bow.

I've done that every time I take a shower for the past 12 years. You see, when I was little, Dad used to have a real hard time getting me to take a bath. So, he made up a little dance we did every night at bath time. We started doing it while I had clothes on when I was six and I started doing it by myself when I was ten. Occasionally though, when I announce I'm going to take a shower, Dad will break out in dance and I'll go along with him. Its a patheticly unique ritual, that I have never failed to repeat. The only person that knows about it is Ricky and Dad. Max would blackmail me, no doubt, if he found this out and even sweetie pie Winnie would be hysterical. But, Ricky thinks its expressive. He thinks it has deeper meaning. Everything with Ricky has deeper meaning. You just have to know how to define it.

0000///////0000000///////////

After that fun little party downstairs, I slipped my Ninja Turtle robe off and shook some Apple Jacks into my mouth. I took a swig of the milk and gulped it all down. The total adult program waiting to happen uniform was laying on my bed, taunting me. I couldn't go to school in that. Even if it was a Catholic school, I still had rights. Check the declaration. It says nowhere I have to keep this uniform like this. I had put everything away lat night. After the little mall incident, we had quickly picked out my furniture and Elizabeth insisted on getting that secretary skirt. Again, another possible explicit material ensemble. Was I sensing a pattern here? I dud through the top drawer of my dresser. Everything was just kind of thrown in randomly. I pulled out a few odds and ends, mixing them in with my uniform. I ditchedn the white knee socks and the vest. The colonial bitch shoes were chucked out the window too. Landed in the pool, that Dad had been officially banned from.

I slipped it all on and mussed my now dry hair. Perfect. I threw on my Chucks and ran out my door. It was six forty. My, how the time flies. When your having so much fun, that is. Fun. Yeah. Thats what I was having. I felt like I was suffocating in a pool of Elizabeth Masen. It was a pool full of Nuns and Rainbows. The Nuns ahd rulers. The Rainbows had pots of gold. And midgets. Millions of midgets. Oodles of Poodles. Millions of Midgets.

Hehe.

I crack myself up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sister Lydia?" I asked, softly. The Nun looked up, expectantly. "This is Bella Swan. She's new here."

"Ah, yes. The Swan girl. We've been expecting you." Sister Lydia smiled. She sized Bella up.

"Are you sure I haven't been expecting you?" Bella asked, bluntly. I frantically grabbed her hand. She shot me a look. She didn't understand. You had to get on Sister Lydia's good side. She was the principal. She was a nightmare if she didn't care for you.

"Well, well, well. God frowns upon back talk, young lady." She said, warningly.

"God can frown?" Bella asked, scrunching up her nose. Sister Lydia gasped.

"We'd just like her schedule, Sister. Then we'll be out of your hair." I said, quickly. Sister Lydia pursed her lips.

"Very well." She handed Bella a smooth white paper. "Watch her, Edward. You're a bright young boy. Keep her out of trouble.

Charlie's words floated back to me.

_....try and keep her out of trouble....._

Little did I know, she was the one keeping me out of trouble.

"Was she wearing a turban?" Bella asked, when we weare barely out of earshot.

"No, Bella. I beleive Indians wear turbans. Not Nuns." I answere, calmly.

"Huh. Hey, what was up with you getting all handsy back there? Decided you might as well feel me up? I mean, as long as there's a Nun around, its not a sin, right?" Bella joked. I almost smiled. I would have loved to feel her up...

No! Bad Edward! Keep your mouth shut.

"You're first class is Calculus with Sister Mary Jane. We have nearly all our classes together. They split up boys and girls gym." I informed her.

"That's shit. What good are locker rooms if you can't shack up in them?" She muttered, almost like she's had sex before. But I knew she hadn't. She couldn't have.....

........right?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Painful. Classes were painful. Back at FuckMeOnTheBleackers High School, we barely had classes. The teachers were flakes, the lesson plans were garbage and the food sucked my white girl butt. But no. At God Is My Pimp Academy for Virgins, classes were painful, the teachers were meanies and the food, was, well, nonexistent.

Actually, I hadn't eaten yet.

I was walking to lunch right now. Red was nowhere to be seen. He was down the hall at his locker a few minutes ago, but then he just left. Bathroom probably. Red probably had to piss like a hamster in heat. I know for a fact he hasn't been to a bathroom since five o'clock this morning. I had, however, peed three times since I woke up. Just a little fun fact.

I looked around the cafeteria. Nuns were standing near a podium, discussing something or other, and I saw a few kids pointing at me. There was a group of Class B sluts, who couldn't make into Class A sitting there giggling about my zebra scarf. The Class A sluts obviously had better things to do. They were all eating, not paying the slightest bit of attention to me. Score. I looked around. Hmm. Options were limited. There were a few tables that look promising. But the empty one in the back was sure fire. I made my way towards it, praying to Jesus (who was currently my star player again) that no one would sit there before me. I needed to make my statement. Don't talk to me. I'm a loner. And I'm in a dodge ball league with Jesus.

That should mean something to the pricks around here, right?

It was then that I noticed a small head already bent over the table. There was small sandwich in the girl's hands. Her hair was dull and choppy. It looked like it had been cute with hedge clippers. She was unnaturally skinny and pale. She looked horrified of everything around her. The only thing that told me she was alive was the way her huge hazel eyes sparkled with anger

I tossed my paper bag in front of her. She glanced up, angrily. I sat down, loudly.

"Ello, Tinkerbelle," I greeted her. "the name is Bella Swan."

"Why are you sitting here?" She demanded, harshly.

"Okay, I was searching for a name, but that works to." I nodded, keeping the smile plastered on my face.

"Leave me alone." She hissed.

"I'm not leaving you until I get name." I shrugged.

"Bite me." She snapped.

"Unfortunate name." I snickered.

"M." She hissed.

"M?" I repeated.

"Stands for Mary. But I'm not Mary. I'm M." She explained, through her teeth. They were little. Like little pieces of corn. Except they were perfectly white.

"I'm not calling you 'M'." I snorted. "Pick something else."

"Pick another name for myself?" She demanded, her anger flaring again. "My name is Mary!"

"I thought you were M?" I asked, innocently.

"Fine. You know what? If you won't call me M, I'm not calling you Bee." She told me, satisfied.

I sighed. "M. It's blank. Bee is a little bouncier. Has a little life. Do you have a little life?"

"No. I have no life." She growled.

"Well, that's pathetic. We're getting you a life. Let's call you....Shmelia." I decided.

She stopped in her tracks. "Shmelia?"

"Yeah. It's unique. Guarantee you none of these yahoo birds has the name Shmelia." I nodded matter of factly.

She stared at me for a good, hard time. Finally she let out a small sigh that fit her small body perfectly. "Alice."

"Pardon moi?" I asked, cupping a hand around my ear. I was thoroughly enjoying this.

"My middle name. It's Alice. Call me Alice." She told me, blankly.

I nodded. "Alice. Now we're getting somewhere. Though, I'm sad to say I'll miss Shmelia."

"Repeat that to anyone and I'll have your ass on a wall." She hissed.

"Hey, hey, no need to get vicious. Just playing around. So, M Who's Really Alice- what's your story?" I asked, nonchalantly, taking my box of pop tarts out of the brown paper bag. I lifted a silver package out and slid it to Alice. Her bread and mayo didn't look like it was cutting it. Besides, I'd rather have a strawberry pop tart then wheat bread and mayo.

Ew.

Hey.

Where was Red?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Who's the chick, Eddie?" Emmett's cold, sick voice asked.

"Who?" I asked, playing dumb. They had cornered me while I was releiving myself in the urinal. They were holding my against the wall.

"The weird chick. She's hot. Who is she?" Mike demanded, his deep, stupid voice ringing through the stalls.

"She's my sister." I said, feebly.

"Sister?" Tyler asked, scratching his head.

"You don't have a sister, Eddie Boy. Don't lie to us." Emmett chuckled, coldly. He shoved my shoulders harder into the tile walls.

"Her Dad is marrying my Mother." I told them, shakily.

"Aha, so she does have a new customer." Emmett laughed, a large, booming laugh. I'm pretty sure kids in Bangledorf heard it.

"My Mother is not a prostitute." I told them, softly.

Emmett stared me down. His eyes glimmered with something, but then he stepped back and let me go. "I'll be by tonight to finish this, Eddie Boy. I know where you live. Better be ready."

With that, he pushed me out into the hall. I fell, nearly hitting a small row of lockers. Sister Nadia helped me up. "Be more careful, Edward. We don't want another accident happening, do we?"

Ah, yes. That accident. The one two years ago when Emmett shoved me from behind into the flag pole and broke my nose. I had a bandage and two black eyes for a month. After Sister Nadia was off down the hall, I sighed and headed for lunch. Mike had grabbed my lunch while we were in there. As if we wasn't fat enough...

Well, that was surprisingly rude.

It felt very good.

I shook my head and entered the cafeteria. I looked around, praying Bella wasn't sitting with those blond girls. Those were Emmett's girlfriends. I really didn't want to live in fear at home too.

But no. I finally spotted her. Next to Mary Brandon. She sat in the back of all my classes. I'd spoken to her on occasion, but she wasn't very friendly. But there was Bella, smiling at her, prodding her. Was she insane?

"Hey, Red!" Bella yelled across the room. She waved me over. I hurried over, avoiding eye contact with anyone I passed. I sat down next to her, scared to sit next to Mary.

"Hello, Edward." Mary said, quietly.

"Ah, don't get all quiet now, Alice. It's cool that Red's here. It's not like we were talking about tampons or anything." Bella snorted.

"Bella seems to think I'm her friend." Mary huffed.

"Ouch. That hurt, right here." Bella said, placing a hand on her heart.

"I'd like to hurt something else." Mary hissed. I shrank back. Mary was small, but she was frightening.

"Touchy." Bella grinned.

"Doesn't your mouth have othr things to do?" Mary demanded, angrily, tearing the crust off her bread.

"Ooo, dirty." Bella giggled. "Red, does my mouth have other things to do?"

I blushed. "I think she meant eating, Bella."

"Eating what?" Bella laughed.

"Shut up." Mary growled.

"Again, I say, touchy." Bella told her, calmly.

"Bella, if you don't shut your fucking mouth-"

"Alright, alright. Rephrase and redirect. That was hurtful. Say it nicely." Bella ordered.

"Fine," Mary smiled, humorlessly. "Bella, kindly shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you. Permanantly."

Bella smiled, satisfied. "Thank you, Alice. That was very kind."

Alice grinned, sarcastically, taking a small bite of her...was that mayoniase? Isn't there at least ham on it?

"So, whats the shiz?" Bella asked, her mouth full of poptart. A few crumbs flew into Mary's hair. Mary shook her head and the crumbs hit the table. Bella shrugged and shoved another big peice of pop tart into her mouth.

It was going to take awhile to learn Bella Swan's rules.

But I had all the time in the world.

**Sup, lazies and gentlemen? No, ladies you are not lazy. Well, I am. Maybe ya'll are too. Anyway, if any of you are appalled of just wondering why Bella talks to her own father (gasp) the way she does, its because he's her friend. They've been so one on one for so long, the father/daughter barrior has faded. Bella basically feels like she can say anything she wants to him, because thats just how comfortable they are around each other. And Charlie and Bella are both so fiercly protective of each other because there all each other had for so long. Which brings us to the song at the top, Homewrecker by Hellogoodbye. I thought it went well with how Bella views Liz. You like?**

**Review!**


	6. The Way I Am

_And all of this controversy circles me  
And it seems like the media immediately  
Points a finger at me (finger at me)..  
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie  
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up  
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up  
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too  
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school  
And they blame it on Marilyn (on Marilyn).. and the heroin  
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at  
Middle America, now it's a tragedy  
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city  
Havin this happenin (this happenin)..  
_

"Hola, Senorita!" I cheered as I walked into Spanish class. Everyone turned to stare at me. The old Nun pursed her lips.

"Ah, Miss Swan. We've been expecting you." She told me, grimly.

"Are you sure I haven't-"

"Oomph!"

An elbow knocked into my side. I snapped my neck around to glare at Red. He looked horrified. He grabbed my hand and led me to a seat in the back. As soon as the Nun turned around, he turned to me, looking terrified.

"Bella, I am so sorry, I never meant to harm you in anyway, please forgive me!" He babbled, in a hushed tone. Alice was sitting in the seat next to him. I heard her snort, delicately.

"Shut the fuck up, Red. No bruises. Grow some balls." I whispered back, feircly. He stared at me, surprised. He then turned his head back slowly to the board. I shook my head. I had to admit, he was kind of cute babbling like that. But come on, I'm fine. I jumped off the roof when I was nine and broke both legs. I've been hurt worse.

The rest of the day went something like this.

'We've been expecting you, child.'

'Are you sure I-'

'Oomph!'

'I'm sorry!'

Pretty average. Red was incredibly careful not to upset the Sisters. But there were some bright spots in this cloudy, lifeless day.

1. I met Shmelia, who has admitted that we just might be semi aqaunitances.

2. I got six guys numbers. There safe in my bra. You never know when you might need them.

3. I was not in any sort of trouble.

Dad was going to eat his words. He thought I would be expelled first thing. You know what I say to that? Fuck that. I was not expelled. I am perfectly...spelled. Red had been jumpy though. Dunno why. He's been really antsy, looking around corners. I didn't see what his problem was. No one really tormented him or anything. But, hell, what do I know? Nothing, thats what I know.

"Dude, that smart car just passed us!" I exclaimed, falling back in my seat.

"Bella, I am just obeying the rules of the road." Red told me, gently.

"Rules of the road, my ass. We're going forty. It's a sixty five limit!" I shouted, over the moon frustrated.

"Bella, please. You have been messing with heads all day, so for once, just give me some peace!" He exclaimed, angrily. I nearly shrank back. Red has never yelled before. It was refreshing. He took my silence as fear, most likely, because he immediately dove into his apology ocean, leaving me to my thoughts.

It was March. Probably my least favorite time of year. March twenty third was Mom's birthday. It's not like I had an adress to send her anything to. Mom didn't deserve anything from me. I would never say it out loud, but I always got so excited when my birthday came around. Thrilled when Christmas was in the air. It was the only two times of the year I felt like I had a Mother. Even if she just sent me a dirty rubber band off the street, I knew she was thinking of me. I hated getting all sentimental, but I wore those rubber bands every day. I had a box under my bed with all of them in it. What really made me wonder, was where she found the little designed ones. Those really made me smiled. I never thought much on it though. I didn't miss Mom. You can't miss something you never had. I always shrugged it off. Dad tells me stories sometimes. There nothing special. Just about how she was named after Renee Russo, her father's favorite model at the time. Dad didn't share many fond memories of Mom. He hated her. And he wanted me to hate her too. When I was seven, he told me she was addicted to heroin. Imagine a little seven year old girl, sitting up in bed, thinking she was going to hear a fairytale, but instead, gets the fun tale of who her Mom really was.

"Bella? Bella? Did you hear me? I'm sorry for snapping." Red's voice popped my pity bubble. I almost laughed when I thought about the other things he could pop. He wasn't a bad looking guy. I wouldn't mind hooking up with him. He was just a Mama's boy.

"It's cool, Red. Let's just get home." I told him, softly. He looked nervous. I smiled.

I liked making him nervous.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How was school today, kids?" Mama asked, excitedly. She was thrilled to hear Bella hadn't gotten into any trouble. I knew it had actually taken a lot of effort on Bella's side to remain quiet today. Or at least, quiet as possible for her. But Bella had been incredibly eager to change as soon as walked in the door.

"Fine, Mama." I answered, fidgeting. It was six o'clock. I had no idea when Emmett would be showing up. I'd have to keep my window open just in case. I can't have Mama finding out I was being, awkward as it sounds, bullied. She'd throw a fit. She'd take it up with the school board. My Mother would be the new face of the anti bullying campaign in schools. She would have rallies and walks. She would go ballistic.

"Bella?" Charlie asked, his mouth full of spagetti.

She glanced up at him, breifly. "I made a friend."

Mama threw her hands up. "Oh, thats wonderful!"

"Thanks, I guess." Bella mumbled. She scooted back her chair. "I'm going to Max's house, Dad."

"Don't be too late." He told her, nodding. He stood up and took his plate out of the dining room into the kitchen.

"I think we'll turn in for the night. Right, dear?" Mama asked. Hey, did she just wink at him?

Charlie widened his eyes. "But, I thought you didn't want to go to sleep until we were....more comfortable."

"I'm plenty comfortable. C'mon, dear, I'm tired." Mama told him, impatiently. I gagged, thinking what she was impatient for. "Eddie, darling, won't you clear the table?"

"Of course, Mama." I told her, my throat cracking. I cleared it as Bella smirked at me. She grabbed her jacket off of the sitting room couch that was connected to the dining room.

"Daddy, I'm borrowing the car!" Bella called up the stairs. How did they get up there so fast.

There was a pause. "Don't crash!"

Bella took that as permission. She grabbed rhe keys off the kitchen table and jingled them. "Night, Red! Don't be scared, the moans aren't ghosts!" She called on her way out the door.

I gulped. I really didn't want to be alone. Bella was gone, and as wimpy as it sounds, I was kind of counting on her to be down the hall if they killed me. And with Mama and Charlie engaged in...other activities, I had no one to call if I needed to go to the hospital. I walked into our cheery light blue living room and sat on our couch. It was white leather. We've had it for some time now. Mama thought plastic slip covers were tacky, but she couldn't stand the thought of stains on her furniture. So, she settled for leather. I flipped the television. Oh no. Not this bloody channel again! Bella has had it on Comedy Central for the last three days. Where was the news?

The news. It made me think of my Father. I wonder how dear old Dad was doing? He hadn't called this week. He knew Mama had made it family weekend. Somewhere along the line, he was booted out of the family. Dad had never been married after Mama. Though, as I grew older, the more I hear about his dates. Dad lives in London , actually. Has for quite some time. Thats where we lived when Dad cheated on Mama. We moved to America to be with Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme. Uncle Carlisle is from England as well. Aunt Esme, is a true blue American. We go to London occasionally to visit him. Nowadays, Mama doesn't join me. I usually go alone in the summer sometimes. I was born there, and I only still have me accent because I speak to Dad so often. He claims my accent will never die. It's been with me too long.

On a complete whim, I picked up the phone. "Ello, little mate. What can I do for you?"

I grinned. Dad always called me his little mate. His little friend.

"I'm very well, Dad. All right?" I asked.

"All right. How's your Mum? And the new prat she's gone and married?" He demanded.

"They're not married quite yet, Dad. And he's a nice man. Mama's fine. Happy." I answered.

"Well, thats jolly good, little mate. Your Mum deserves to be happy. I don't mean to slag your new family, little mate. It's a poor habit." He sighed. "And this new sister you've gotten?"

"She's...nice." I allowed. Dad sensed my unease and chuckled.

"She's got a nice pair of knockers, son?" He guessed.

"Dad!" I gasped. "She's my sister!"

"Not by blood. Keep that in mind. I see nothing wrong with a little hanky panky. Go ahead, have a hump with her." He laughed.

"I-I don't like her that way, Dad." I argued.

"Sure you don't. Give me a call when you bonk her." He told me, eagerly.

"I'll be sure to." I told her, nervously. "She's a little bit...out there."

"She's a tad queer, my little mate?" He asked.

"She's strange. She's not what I'm used to." I confessed. "It frightens me."

"Don't let the totty frighten you. Don't throw a wobbler about it either! Ask her for tea." He advised me. "Maybe then she'll let you snog her."

"Well, this has been pleasent, Dad. But I think I'll have to go now. Speak with you later?" I questioned.

"Alright, son. I know your brilliant, but let your goolies do a little talking. But I don't want you going after her if she's bloody duff." He warned me.

"I'll remember that, Dad. Goodnight, ol' boy." I smiled.

"Goodnight, little mate." I heard the dial tone.

Dad was never really a Dad. He was a friend. Kind of like Bella and Charlie. Though Charlie was feircly protective of Bella, I'd imagine. I doubt he'd give her any tips for sex.

But I'm positive he'd give me some.

Talking to Dad had nearly made me forgot my Emmett troubles.

Nearly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey, bitch!" Max cheered, as he opened the door. It was chaos the minute I stepped in. I was tackled by at least four different little boys, all yelling my name.

"Boys, boys! Get off of Bella!" Ann Marie exclaimed.

Ann Marie was Max's mother. She was a sweet middle aged woman with graying hair and soft blue eyes. She was the picture of beauty in her younger days. Max's father was at work all the time, but he was a nice man. A little overworked, but nice. Love his boys more than anything. Ann Marie and Bill fought like cats and dogs, but loved each other. It was disghusting.

"Bee, will you play Kurby with me?" Max's little brother, Nate, asked me as he tugged on my sleeve. Max had five younger brothers and one older brother.

There was Willy. He was three. Cute as can be. Looked just like Max.

Nate was the next one. He was six. Missing his front teeth. Completely oblivious to everything around him.

Then there was Dylan. He was eight. A real troublemaker. Not one innocent thing about him.

Next was Owen. He was eleven. A cute kid, really. He was shy, though. Had a bit of a crush on me.

Then we had Gabe. He was fourteen. Hated life. Wanted to die in the fiery pits of hell. You know, adolescant stuff.

Max was after that. He was seventeen, being a year older than me.

The oldest was Lenny. He was twenty two. To pay his way through college, he was a mailman. As sad as it sounds, he got Dad his job.

"Not now, loser. Gotta talk to Maxi." I told him, ruffling his hair, playfully.

He pouted. "Later?"

"We'll see!" I called, as I made my way into the kitchen. Ann Marie was cleaning up from dinner. All the boys were in the living room playing video games. Besides Gabe, you know.

"Oh, Bella, we haven't seen you in forever!" Ann Marie gushed. "How are you? How's Charlie? Maxi tells us he's getting married!"

"Oh, he is." I sighed.

"You don't sound very happy, sweetie." She noticed.

"Oh, I'm just peachy." I sighed.

"Whats the matter?" She asked, in her motherly voice.

"She's just not my style, you know? She's not Charlie's style either, so I don't have a clue why he's with her!" I ranted.

"She can't be all bad, darling." Ann Marie assured me, patting my hand.

"She's not bad, she's just....rich." I said, disdainfully. "And thats not a bad thing, I know Money makes the world go round, but still. She's just _loaded_. It makes me feel small. Like a little teeny tiny piss poor bug."

"Oh, Bella, you are anything but small. You're full of life. If she does something to make you feel small, give it to her good." Ann Marie told me, feircly.

Ann Marie was how I learned to stick up for myself. Well, with girls. With girls, words hurt more than punches. You couldn't very well just punch a girl when she calls you a slut. You have to think of something bitchy to say back. You had to be verbally mean. Not physically.

"I'll be sure to." I grinned. "Well, I gotta talk to Max. I'm neglecting him."

She chuckled. "That boy. You call me if anything happens, baby."

"Thanks, Ann!" I told her. I kissed her cheek and jogged up the stairs to Max's room. Since there were so many kids in the family, all of them shared rooms. Willy, Nate and Dylan shared a room while Owen, Gabe and Max shared a room. Ann Marie and Bill had a room, and Lenny still lived there, so he had a closet sized room at the end of the hall.

When I flung open the door, Gabe was laying on his bed, listening to music. Max was making faces at him. He was such a douche.

"This kid is such a pansy. He writes poetry, for fucks sake!" Max crowed.

"Thats deep." I purred. I knew Gabe had paused his music. You couldn't hear the faint buzzing from the screaming anymore. His eyes widened, slightly. "I think its sexy."

"Like an old, hairy wart." Max nodded. Gabe rolled his eyes and cranked the music up again. I laughed. "Keep that shit up and a cold shower will be very near in that little boys future."

"He's not going to pitch a tent just because I told him he was sexy." I argued, tossing a pillow at him. I leaned back on his bed. Gabe had gotten used to me being there all the time. There was nothing we could do about it.

"He's fourteen, Bella. Anything will get him hot." Max told me, rolling his eyes. "He doesn't think I know, but he's got Playboys in a box labeled baby clothes in the closet."

"You're in the closet!" I exclaimed.

"Fuck, Bee! You're loud." Max whimpered.

"Kinky." I laughed. Max shot me a sarcastic look.

"Fuck this. I got to be heading home. Red's probably scared shitless of all the screaming going on upstairs." I sighed, standing up.

"Be that way. See you tomorrow?" He asked, raising a furry blond eyebrow.

"If you're at Win's tomorrow." I shrugged, going down the stairs. "Gotta make the rounds."

"Catcha later." He told me.

"Bye. Bye guys!" I called over my shoulder.

"Bye, Bee!" They chorused. Willy waddled over to me.

"Stay pretty." He whispered, loudly in his little slurred speach.

"You got it, dude." I told him, having a classic Michelle Tanner moment. I even stuck my thumbs up for good measure.

I was out the door after that. I bumped into Bill, coming up the driveway. He looked exhausted. He gave me a high five anyway. As I got in my car, I heard him open the front door. There was a chorus of 'Dad!' I laughed when I heard Bill fall down. Haha. I guess that tackled him too.

It was a quick drive home. I hated driving in the dark. It gave me the creeps. It wasn't that late. Ten o'clock. I'd driven around a little before going to Maxi's. Needed to think about some stuff. I was home in twenty minutes. Billy's apartments were in Forks. So were Max and Winnie's houses. Ricky lived with his adopted mother, Leslie, in Seattle. Elizabeth's house was in Seattle too, but not as close to Forks as Ricky. It took a little while to go there and back.

It was relitavly quiet in the house. I listened for any movements upstairs, but the walls were pretty thick. There was the hum of the nightly news in the living room. I walked in to turn it off and almost smiled. Red was asleep on the couch. His glasses were on the coffee table, leaving his face clear of any objects. His hair was in his eyes and he was sleeping soundly. I switched off the TV, and did something utterly domestic.

I put a blanket over him.

Can you stand it?

I shook my head and jogged up the stairs. It was only ten thirty now, but I was beat. I couldn't wait to crawl in my bed and snore it up until Red made me want to kill him again. And thats just what I did. I crawled into bed after taking my pants off and went straight to sleep. I was dreaming before I knew what hit me.

Or what would hit me.

00000/////0000//////0000

"He's over here!"

"Little fucker went to sleep!"

"You're shitting me!"

I heard these vague whispers in the dark. Out of nowhere, there was an incredible weight on my back. It knocked the breath out of me. I hand was put over my mouth.

"Shut the fuck up, you little pussy bitch. We told you to be ready. It don't look like your ready." A menacing voice whispered in my ear. I shivered. His breath was hot.

"Get him the fuck up."

Why the hell were they calling me a he? I was a girl. With a vagina to prove it! And what did they mean,'be ready'? Who the fuck were these jokers?

I was flipped over, hastily. Someone was sitting on my vagina. Holy fuck. I'm getting raped, aren't I? I'm gonna get raped! I thrashed around. Someone told me stop my fighting. Ew. What the hell was going on. I but whoever was holding my mouth and they slapped me.

"Turn the light on, Tyler."

Brightness filled the room and I got a good look at who was holding me. There was chubby blond guy sitting on my vajj, and a massive burly dude standing next to my bed. A scrawny black boy was standing near my light switch. Their eyes widened as they saw my face. What the fuck? Was I too ugly to get raped or something? Really?

"Get the hell off of her!" The burly one whisper-yelled.

The guy scrambled off me and let go of my face. I scowled up at him. I jumped out of bed and huffed.

"Listen, girl-"

"Girl? Girl? You just fucking sat on my pelvis and your going to call me a girl? I'm a woman, dammit! Thats why you were about to rape me, you little motherfuckers! Who the hell are you? What the fuck are you doing here?" I demanded, hissing my way through the whole rant. The blond guy and the black boy looked like they were going to shit a brick. Good. I was ready to bust some balls.

The burly guy stepped in front of me. He looked horrified. "Listen, my friends and myself are deeply ashamed to have treated you this way. We were completely mistaken. You have our sincerest apologies."

"Why the fuck were you in my room?" I repeated. "And who are you?"

"My name is Emmett. Thats Mike, and thats Tyler. We thought this was someone else's room. We're terribly sorry." He told me, his hazel eyes filled with a thousand apologies. He looked completely terrified at the thought of hitting a girl. Or better yet, me.

"Who were you even looking for?" I growled. "Is Dad in trouble again?"

"We're not here for your Father. We're here for Edward Masen." Emmett told me, calmly.

"You were trying to rape Red?" I choked. "If you were, you were going the wrong way. Boys have penises, girls have vagina's. You learn that in Kindergarten Cop."

"I know, I know. I love that movie. We weren't trying to rape him. We were just....a little angry with him." Emmett allowed.

"That gives you no right to hit him!" I exclaimed, softly as I could. "The only person in this house, allowed to beat Red up, is me!"

"So, you're his new step sister." Emmett said, wistfully. "Interesting."

"Interesting? Is your head up your ass? Get the fuck out of my house." I ordered.

"No can do. We're not leaving unless Edward Masen has been successfully brutalized." I had a feeling they were still here, just so they didn't look like pansies.

"Well, you've got the wrong room. What if I had been his Mother?" I hissed.

"We would have apoligized to her too." Mike said, like a complete moron.

"Fuck off." I told Tyler and Mike. Like good little assholes, they scurried back out the window. Emmett, however, stood his ground. He wasn't moving. He had some serious cornbeef with Red.

"Dude, your not The Hulk, stop staring at me like that." I growled.

"I'm just trying to figure out how a girl like you would have ended up like this." He told me, wisely.

"A girl like what?" I demanded.

"A girl that fuck a complete stranger at a party. Then mooch some booze off of him for half an hour." He answered.

"Excuse me?" I gasped.

"You told me your name was Trixie Dix." He chuckled. "And that you were twenty six. Sorry, honey, but you can't pass for twenty six."

"Who the fuck...?" I trailed off.

"Magna Thompson's house party. Two years ago. You were piss drunk and falling all over the place. I do beleive I popped your cherry." He recalled.

Thats all it took. I remembered it all. I was fourteen. It was my first real kegger. I took advantage of it. I remembered a big guy helping me to a bed. And then, something inside me. It wasn't rape, oh no. I liked it, for sure. It was painful and awkward though. But I remembered being so proud of losing my virginity already. Ecspecially to an older guy. I was sure he was eighteen or nineteen. But I was kind of dissapointed now. He was only like, a year older than me?

"I was sixteen." He said, as if reading my mind. "You were an easy fuck."

"Gee, thanks." I said, sarcastically. "What a fun stroll down memory lane. I'll be sure to stop by the gift shop on my way out. Now, get the hell out of this house."

He shrugged. "Red, as your calling him, has some shit to pick with me. Or better yet, I have some shit to pick with him. If its not tonight, it'll be soon. You won't be here all the time."

"Fuck you." I spat.

"You already have." He told me, quietly as he climbed back out the window.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. To everyone who was probably confused as to what Edward Sr. was talking about, here's some translations-**

**Mate- Friend**

**Bonk- Have sex**

**Snog- Kissing**

**Having a hump-Having sex**

**Totty- Nice girl**

**Wobbler- Throw a fit**

**Goolies- Balls. Nuts. Your manly parts.**

**Knockers- Breasts**

**Duff- Not worth it**

**Slag- Bad mouth**

**In case I'm way off, any one from England or knows how they talk, please correct me. I'd appreciate it. The song at the top is The Way I Am by Eminem. He is a genuis, by the way. I chose that song because of Bella and her new surroundings. She has already made it very clear to everyone that she bends for no man. She is who she is. Deal with it. Reviews would make me light up like a Christmas Tree. And in which case your Jewish, it would light me up like a Menorah (?)! Is that how you spell it? Oh, no! I am not a menace to English _and _Jewish societies! The horror!**

**Review!**


	7. Teenage Dirtbag

_Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby  
Yeah I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby  
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with me_

_Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's missin  
Yeeah dirtbag, no she doesn't know what she's missin_

Shake.

"Red."

Shake.

"Red."

Shake.

"Red!"

Bloody 9/11 then shook me out of bed.

"Oh, good, you're up." Bella said, sickly sweet. "I was beginning to worry."

"What the...?" I trailed off. I felt around for my glasses. Bella handed them to me, impatiently. I slipped them on, to find I wasn't in bed at all. I was in my living room. It looked like the sun was rising.

"You were asleep when I got home." Bella sighed.

"Oh, well, thank you for not disturbing me." I told her. "Until now, that is."

"You're oh so welcome. Just thought we'd have nice chat before your Mother-"

"Eddie! Bella! What are you two doing up so early." Mama's voice exclaimed down the hall. Bella groaned, softly.

"Before your Mother woke up." She finished.

"I'll make you two some breakfast." Mama chirped. She was still in her white silk robe. She seemed thrilled with something. Very energized.

"Pass, Liz. Gotta get dressed." Bella huffed, already on her way down the hall. Mama's face fell, slightly.

"I do wish she'd be a little bit friendlier." She told me, quietly.

"She's nice, Mama." I defended her. Bella might not be our definition of nice, but she was nice enough to wake me up. And befriend Mary Brandon.

"Oh, Eddie, I just don't know what to do." Mama told me, gently. "I don't want her ruining the wedding, I've planned it so well-'

"I thought you were eloping?" I asked, cutting her off. She shot me a look.

"What have I said about interrupting? And Charlie and I decided against it. Charlie told me Bella didn't feel comfortable with us eloping. I suppose she wanted it to feel official." She shrugged.

You mean you wanted it to feel official?

"That could be very nice, Mama. You do have lots of friends." I pointed out.

"Yes," She sighed. "So does Charlie. And Bella."

Ah. So that's where she was getting at. She didn't want Bella and her friends messing up her wedding. Even I found that a little cruel.

"I'm sure it will be great, Mama. Don't fret." I assured her. I patted her shoulder and headed up the stairs. It occurred to me that Emmett never showed up last night. Great. That meant I was really in for it today. I started my shower and started to strip. I was pulling my boxers down when my door flew open. Bella stood there, with her eyebrows raised.

"Bella!" I yelled, quickly pulling my boxers back up.

"Save that for the bedroom. Boxers, Red? I would've pegged you for a whitey tidy kind of guy." She smirked, jumping up to sit on my counter. "Have a seat."

"Bella, I was in the bathroom. Doesn't that set off any warning bells?" I asked, curiously.

"Nope." She said, popping the p. "I've seen a penis before, Red."

"That's, well, that's great." I mumbled. I felt incredibly exposed. I was only in my underwear! In front of a girl! A girl that always made me think with my goolies, as Dad said.

"You don't really seem to think that." She murmured. "But I did have a purpose for coming in here."

"Yes?" I inquired.

"I was enjoying a nice peaceful sleep last night, when all of a sudden, I felt a pressure on my uterus." She informed me. I gulped.

"Like...you were giving birth?" I asked, hesitantly. She seemed surprised. She cocked her head to the side and laughed. She _laughed_.

"That was funny, Red. Actually fucking funny. But, no. A pressure like someone was sitting on my doolilly." She told me, casually.

"Doolilly?" I asked, immensely confused.

"My bits. My goods. My lady hole." She told me. "My vagina."

"Oh." I blushed.

"Yeah. And I think 'Why on earth would someone be sitting on my vagina? There could only be one thing leading to this.'" She sighs.

"Someone broke in last night? We have to tell Charlie and Mama!" I cried, standing up.

"Sit down, Red. Trust me, they don't need to know." She hissed. "Turns out they weren't here for me. They were here for you."

Dread overcame me. Emmett had been here. In Bella's room. That cold hearted monster was in Bella's room while she was sleeping. She could have been killed. Well, maybe that's exaggerating. But still. He could have done her harm.

"I am so incredibly sorry. You have my apologies. I cannot imagine what Emmett might have said to you-"

"Oh, he said quite enough. He said he wanted you ass mounted. He said he was sorry, too, that was a shocker. He also told me he took my virginity. That was the biggest surprise." She told me, nodding. "But thats a different fucking story for a different fucking day. Care to share? Why is Emmett after your ass?"

I sighed. I knew I'd have to tell her this. There was no hiding it at school. "Emmett has been after me since the first grade. One day he just came up and pushed me off the swings. He broke my glasses that day too. He told me he'd make me eat dirt if I told. Six year olds aren't incredibly partial to that, as you can imagine. I've been public enemy number one since that day."

Bella scoffed. "Bullshit, Red. You can always tell. Don't they have hotlines for this shit?"

"They have hotlines for everything, Bella. Abuse. Rape. Suicide. But there's no hotline for bullying. Especially bullying at my age." I sighed. I felt like a total wimp.

"Screw it." She snorted. "Today, we're going to solve your Emmett McCarty problems, okay?"

"But, Bella-"

"No buts, Red! I said, okay?" She demanded, glaring. I gulped, and nodded obediently. She smirked and went to walk out the door. She had her hand on the knob to close it after her, but she stopped and turned around.

"By the way, Red," She said, smugly. "You've got some big balls."

* * *

Jesus. Christ.

Red had some big fucking balls. He had to be what, like eight or nine. On a scale of one to ten, you know? I mean, I've been around the block a few times. So I don't get all squealy every time I see a dick. But his...wowzah. Ricky was a little above average. Maybe six or seven. On a good day he was eight. I've been with smaller. I remember Emmett. It was my first time, so hello, uncomfortable. Painful. But once I got around the ickiness of it, he was about a five. Nothing to brag about. When I was with Sam......Let's just say, he's a total one.

Sam must be motherfucking Moses if Emily stays with him. Maybe his junk turns into a snake.

But that's beside the point. Bullying, my white girl ass. I was going to get to the bottom of this. Emmett had a reason for doing this. And I was getting to the bottom of it. Quote me, damnit.

"Well, that's a bitch." I sighed, looking in the mirror. I looked like I was getting ready to take it over a desk. Not my style. I threw on a few little trinkets and treasures, making sure I wasn't like, Brittany Spears or anything when I walked down the stairs. Now, that would be bad.

"Daddy, I don't want to go to school." I pouted.

"Get your ass outta here and get an education. I don't want you coming home stupid." He warned me, putting his coffee in the sink.

"I look like Brittany Fucking Spears." I argued.

"Are you running a c-c-c-circus?" He grinned, proud of his joke.

"Dad!" I groaned.

"Bella!" He whined back. "School is good for you. Don't get pregnant though. Just say no, and all that crap."

"That's for drug, Dad." I pointed out.

"Screw it, it works." He snorted. "But, wait, hey, don't screw it. You're not screwing anything, are you?"

"My cork is in," I nodded. "for now.

"It better stay in till your sixty and have menopause. Then you won't be getting knocked up, like your mother." He said, sternly.

"If the condom fits." I sang. "Which it obviously didn't."

"Were not talking about this, get outta here." He sighed. I shrugged. I grabbed my bag off the floor next to the entrance and ran outside. Red was out there in the car already. Better be warm in there.

"Bella, we're really going to be late. We need to start getting up earlier." Red told me, urgently.

"Terribly sorry, Red." I snorted. "Does your Mother perhaps have a rooster lying around?"

He sighed.

God.

Is that all people do around here?

* * *

"You little motherfucker, want to sit there and make that retarded fucking face-"

"Bella!" I hissed, harsher than I intended. "You can't do that. We're in a church."

She's been singing that God awful rap song all morning. I believe it was by a man names Skittles. Or perhaps, Jelly Bean.

"A church? Red, we're in a motherfucking closet!" She argued.

"I know, I know, it's cramped. But this is religion class. You can't cuss." I warned her. I didn't want her to get into any trouble. It might go on her record. What would that say to colleges?

"Religion class." She snorted. "I thought religion was a choice. What if I'm an Atheist?"

"Well, I believe they assume you're Catholic, when you enroll in a Catholic school." I told her.

"I didn't enroll, this was forced." She grumbled. "Rape!"

I covered her mouth, quickly. Not quickly enough.

"Mr. Masen. Kindly remove your hand from Miss Swan's mouth. Miss Swan, what was that you said?" Sister Nadia asked, sweetly.

"Elizabeth Masen raped me." She muttered. Sister Nadia's eyes widened to the size of tires.

"No, no, no! My Mother didn't...rape her, Sister Nadia. She just forced her." I tried to amend. Key word being tried. Her eyes grew wider.

"Cool it, Sis. She didn't rape me. I just meant she screwed me." Bella scoffed.

"Screwed?" Sister Nadia gasped. "You had sexual intercourse with a woman?"

"No, no, no. I mean she screwed me. As in, put the screws to me. Screwed me over." Bella explained.

Sister Nadia still looked frazzled. "Miss Swan, we'd appreciate it here at Saint Jude's if you kept the foul language to yourself."

"You got it, Sista." Bella winked.

"Yes, well, I do got it." Sister Nadia cleared her throat. "Miss Swan, can you recite the ten commandments for me, please?"

"The huh?" Bella asked.

"The ten commandments." She repeated.

Crickets.

Sister Nadia sighed. "Edward, can you please help Miss Swan?"

"Sister?" Bella cut in. "Don't you think the commandments are a little controlling?"

"Oh, Sweet Jesus." I heard Mary whisper somewhere near me.

"Pardon?" Sister Nadia demanded.

"I mean, don't you think people should get the chance to create there own commandments? I mean, you know, explore new idea. Spread the creativity." Bella explained, seriously.

"Well, Isabella, this is a Catholic learning system." Sister Nadia stuttered.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm all for that. If you're Catholic, you're Catholic. I'm Catholic. But don't you think that maybe we should find out what others are thinking? I mean, we can keep all the killing stuff and the stealing stuff, I guess. But lets add some new ideas. Make our own commandments." Bella presented.

Sister Nadia pondered this. "Well, Miss Swan, I don't believe we've ever thought about it. Though this is a Catholic based learning system, I do think we can stray a bit. Class, you're assignment for the next week is to create your own ten commandments. I want you completely serious. Isabella, I'm immensely curious to see where this takes us."

"Oh, so am I." She grinned. The bell rang. That was the end of that.

* * *

"Hey, you little motherfucker. What are you thinking, sending your sister in to fight your battles?" Emmett demanded. "What, can't fight me? Need your sister to do it?"

"That's not what happened." I argued, feebly. "You had the wrong room-"

Punch.

The wall next to my head.

"Unless you want that to be your face, you'll shut the hell up. Now, what was I saying? Your letting your sister fight your battles?" He growled.

"I didn't know you would attack her." I told him.

He grabbed me by the collar. "Listen here, you little weasel. I would never hit a girl. _Ever_. Do you hear me? Ever!"

"Yes, yes, I understand." I stammered. "I was just saying, I didn't know you would think she was me."

"Dumbass Mike sat on her." He told me, rolling his eyes. I raised my eyebrows. He had never badmouthed his own clan in front of me before. Did he do that a lot?

"Why?" I asked, letting pure curiosity take over.

"Because he's a dumbass!" He repeated. He let go of my shirt, with a sigh. "What?"

What? Was he talking to me?

"Just thinking." I heard a feminine voice reply. I looked around Emmett's shoulder. Standing there was Rosalie Hale, the school's biggest 'slut'. AKA, Emmett's long term girlfriend.

"About?" He demanded, through clenched teeth.

She sighed. "Emmett, just come on."

He huffed and backed away from me. "This isn't over, you little punk. You better be sleeping with one eye open."

I leaned back against the wall. Where was Bella? Hadn't she been the one to insist we take care of my Emmett problem?

* * *

"Hey, you!" I said, as I walked into the girl's bathroom near the lunch room. Rosalie Hale was standing at the mirror, applying something to her face. She jumped, slightly and turned around. She glared at me, setting her foundation down.

"What?" She snapped.

"You're Emmett McCarty's girlfriend. Am I right?" I demanded.

"Maybe." She hissed, crossing her arms. "Who's asking?"

"Bella Swan." I introduced myself. "I'm Red's new sis."

"Red?" She repeated, blowing a lock of blonde hair out of her eyes.

"Edward." I corrected myself. "Edward Masen."

She snorted. "Oh. Him."

"Yes, him. Are you aware your boyfriend beats the shit out him every damn day?" I growled.

"More than aware. Emmett loves to talk about it." She smiled.

"Yeah, well, those days are over. You need to call Emmett off." I ordered.

"Excuse me?" She scoffed. "Why would I do that?"

"Because he doesn't give a flying fuck about what I think. And I sincerely hope he cares a smidgen about your opinion. I need you to tell him to back off Red." I explained.

"How about, no?" She asked, turning back to the mirror. She blushed something over her eye. She winced, slightly.

"How about, yes?" I hissed, slamming my books down in the sink.

"Who do you think you are?" She scowled.

"A girl who promised her Father she would look out for Edward Masen." I responded. "And I don't break my promises. Especially not to him."

"Aw, what's the matter? Little girl, afraid of her big bad Dad?" She cooed, mockingly.

"No," I replied. "But you are."

She froze. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing. But I know you didn't get the bruise from walking into a door." I smirked.

She glared at me from across the room. She then set down her cover up and took a small step forward. "Fine."

I gaped as she walked out of the bathroom. It had worked. And I was totally guessing. I had no idea if there was a bruise under that make up. I had no idea if her Dad hit her. How would I know that? I followed her out of the bathroom, quickly, to see her watching Emmett from behind a doorway. Emmett had him cornered against a wall.

"Go away." Rosalie hissed.

"Not until you do it." I whispered.

"I will when you leave!" She whispered back, harshly.

"That makes no sense, why would you do that?" I demanded, hushed.

I saw Emmett's back stiffen. He let Red go with a tumble.

"What?" He called over his shoulder. Fuck. He knew we were here.

"Just thinking." Rosalie said, with a deep breath.

"About?" He ground out through his teeth.

"Emmett, just come on." She sighed. Emmett huffed. He leaned down and growled something in Red's ear, before stalking our way. When he was behind the doorway with Rosalie and me, he placed an arm around her shoulder. He turned to scowl at me.

"You got guts, kid. Not many people would go to Rose for help. I applaud that." He hissed. "But don't interrupt me again. Red has it coming."

"The only person that has it coming, is you, Emmett. Leave my family alone." I growled.

"Oh, so he's your family now?" Emmett demanded. "Was he your family when you goddamn pulled his pants down in the middle of Rogerson Park?"

"What the...?" I mumbled.

"I see things." He nodded.

"Look, things haven't changed much. I hate Elizabeth Masen, and I'm not too fond of Red either. But this is for my Dad. He's given everything to me, and I'll give him anything in return. I'll protect Red as long as he needs me to. As long as Red needs me to." I hissed, leaning forward. "You think your life sucks? You think you have the right to beat the crap out of an innocent kid? Take a look around you, buddy! Life sucks. And it's going to keep on sucking until you do something about it."

He stood there, stony faced. Rosalie was looked back and forth between Emmett and I. She obviously had no idea what he would do. I might be brave, but when it comes to my ass, I'm chicken shit. I figured it'd be best to walk away before things get violent. I turned and walked down the hall. When I was far enough away, I threw my head over my shoulder and said,

"Leave Red alone. Or else."

**Thank you everyone who has reviewed these past chapters. Please, more people, tell me what you think. I need feedback! Let me explain a few things I've been getting questions about-**

**Emmett and Bella do not make a cute couple. I have no plans to put them in a relationship. **

**Bella talks to Charlie the way she does, because he's her friend. He's never acted as a stern father figure towards her. He was not home a lot, leaving Bella teach herself many things. When Charlie was home, he craved adult contact. Hence, Bella.**

**Emmett has his reasons. Don't judge him yet.**

**And, just a few things about this chapter. When Bella is talking about her doolilly, she's referring to her vagina. My uncle used to call his willy his doololly, hence, doolilly. Just thought I'd share that fun little memory :):)**

**Nothing against God or Jesus, to any of you that would be offended by a few of the things Bella talks about. **

**Please, review! This was a long ass authors note, huh? The song at the top is Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. Edward is a teenage dirtbag baby. So is Bella. And Emmett. Ah, hell, Rosalie is too! Anyone got any thoughts on good old Rose? Huh? Huh? No takers? Review or I will cry, eat a pint of Rocky Road and watch An Affair To Remember!**

**Review!**


	8. Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

_There ain't no rest for the wicked, Money don't grow on trees, I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, There ain't nothing in this world for free.  
I know I can't slow down, I can't hold back though you know I wish I could, oh no there ain't no rest for The wicked, until we close our eyes for good.  
_

**-----------------------------------------------------Three Weeks Later----------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"Fuck!" I heard Bella shreik a few doors down. After Emmett came in that night, I've been a little jumpy about her. I opened my door and uneasily knocked on hers.

"Bella?" I asked, shyly.

"What?" She called back, irratebly.

"Are you alright?" I prodded.

"No. I keep trying to off myself, but I just won't die!" She wailed. I pushed open her door, warily, afraid I might find her ready to jump out the window. She was laying face down on her bed. She had these ratty old blankets, that apparently held sentimental value. Mama wanted to get her new blankets, but Bella insisted on keeping these. She hadn't done anything with the walls yet. They were completely white still. She claimed Ricky was going to help her, but I haven't seen him in a few weeks.

"Is something the matter?" I asked.

"This stupid dinner is what the matter is. I don't want to meet your family." She groaned into her pillow. As an after thought she added a, "No offense."

"Well, technically, there just my God family." I assured her. "But there very nice people."

"Screw nice people. Nice guys always finish last." She sighed, sitting up. She was still in her uniform from earlier today. It was Friday. Esme and Carlisle were flying in tonight and staying for two weeks. Mama has been in full planning mode for three weeks. The wedding is scheduled for next Saturday afternoon. Esme is Mama's maid of honor and insisted she be here to help with last minute details.

"Not always." I murmured. I hated to admit it, but I'd been hell bent on impressing her all week. Ever since I found out Emmett laid off because she threatened him, I've been completely in her debt. Well, thats how I see it.

"Whatever. Go away, I need to get dressed." She sighed.

"Mama wants us downstairs by six o'clock on the dot." I reminded her.

"She's not even home." Bella snorted.

"You're right, Charlie and her are at the airport." I told her.

"Again, I say, go away. I'm not wearing this lovely ensemble to meet your prestigous family." She hissed. I nodded, and headed out of her room. I was already ready. I was excited.

I haven't seen Carlisle and Esme since I was a gangly thirteen year old boy. Now, I'm a gangly seventeen year old. Esme calls quite often, as does Carlisle. I wanted to be a docter because of him. He was a cardiologist though. I wanted more than anything to be a pediatrician. Kids fasnicated me. Not in a sexual way, just their minds. They were so naive. They think one day teasing will go away. And it won't.

I walked downstairs, and sat down on the couch. I was bored. I felt like a small child, I was so antsy. I wanted Bella to come and stay with me. She was fun. She liked to make people laugh. I liked laughing with her. It was a match made in heaven, right? You'd think she would see that.

"Hey, dude." Bella muttered, as she walked by. She looked almost....nah. She looked like my crazy Step Sister. She was wearing a purple and blue paisly dress and a pair of silver and orange polka dot leggings. Her hair was pulled back, defining the red in her thick bangs. Her lips were a plump red color, and her eyes. They were so big, and beautiful. Wide eyed. Like a doe.

Of course she had on her chucks. I didn't see her attraction to those things. I liked my trusty loafers. They were practical and sleek. There's nothing wrong with that.

"Bella, can I offer you a bit of advice?" I asked. I didn't want her to be offended.

"Depends on what kind of a bit this is." She answered.

"Try not to curse so much around Carlisle and Esme. Esme is very wholesome, she thinks your the all american girl. And Carlisle is just old. Indulge him, please." I explained. "He will flirt. Flirt back."

"Flirting with an old dude?" She pondered, nodding. "Nothing I haven't done before."

"Glad your okay with it." I said, smiling. Carlisle was going through a mid life crisis, according to Esme. He could probably use some indulging. I heard a car pull up outside. It sounded expensive. Must be my Mother. "There here."

"Not shit, sherlock." She snapped. I gave her a pleading look. "Just getting it out of my system."

"Well, drain your system quickly, there walking up the drive." I rushed her over to the front door.

"Eddie!" Mama sang, as she opened the door. Esme was behind her and Carlisle and Charlie brought up the rear, carrying the baggage.

"Mama." I nodded. Esme gasped.

"Edward Anthony, you get over here." She ordered, softly. "Look how tall you've gotten. How tall are you?"

"6'3." I answered, sheepishly.

"Well, you're entirely too tall. Scrunch down, so I can see your face." She demanded. She ran her hand over my cheek, motherly. Esme couldn't have children, so Esme took all her pride in me.

"You've gotten so old." She murmured. "Carlisle, look at how old he's gotten."

"He's elderly, dear." A soft british accent agreed.

"Let me introduce you." Mama grinned. "Esme, Carlisle, you've met Charlie. This is his daughter, Bella."

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella." Carlisle greeted her, kissing her hand.

"It's so nice to meet you, Liz has said nothing but great things since she met you." Esme gushed.

"Like what?" Bella asked, blankly.

"Pardon?" Esme paused.

"What great things has she said?" Bella demanded.

"I, well, many things, darling..." Esme stalled. I knew my Mother hadn't said anything great. Mama had been complaining for weeks.

"Why don't we get you settled in?" Mama suggested, quickly. Charlie and Carlilse brought the bags to the third floor guest room they would be staying in. I went with the guys up the stairs. Bella followed, but I shooed her over to my Mother. She needed to make Esme happy.

"Bella is a very beautiful young girl." I heard Carlisle tell Charlie in the hallway.

"Gets that from her Mother, unfortunately." Charlie grumbled.

"Where is her Mother?" Carlisle prided.

"In hell, I hope." Charlie spat, dropping the suitcases.

I cleared my throat from behind.

Charlie cleared his throat and Carlisle rocked back on his heels. "Hey there, sonny boy." Charlie grinned, awkwardly.

Sonny boy? That was a new one.

"So, Eddie, let's bond, mate. What are you doing these days?" Carlisle asked, like we were best friends.

"Nothing really, Carlisle. Though, these days I do prefer to be called Edward." I ammended him.

"Ah, yes, yes, of course. Completely understandable. Well, how's the new family working out?" He questioned, discreetly eyeing Charlie. Obviously not too discreetly. Charlie raised his eyebrows, as if he was amused.

"Everything is fine. Charlie and Bella are a delight." I smiled.

"Somehow I doubt that." He mumbled. He straightened up, and cleared his throat. "Well. Let's have a look downstairs, shall we? I'm sure the ladies would like our company."

"Not all of them." Charlie chuckled as we strolled out the door. Carlisle looked at me with confused eyes. I shook my head.

"You'll understand."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, Bella, how old are you?" Esme asked me, kindly.

"Well, let's think about that. How old do you wish you were?" I smiled, just as kindly. Esme leaned back with raised eyebrows. Elizabeth busied herself in the kitchen. We were at the kitchen table, 'Gossiping'.

"How are you liking St. Jude's?" She asked, giving it another go around.

"About as much as I'm liking that sculpture over there." I told her, pointing at the red mutilated statue next to the front door. "It looks like a penis."

"So you're thoroughly enjoying it then?" Esme guessed, smirking.

It was my turn to raise some brows.

"Touche." I grinned, leaning back in my chair.

"Hello, ladies!" Carlisle cheered, as the men came into the kitchen. Actually, I don't really think of my Dad, Red or the Old Flirt as men. They are what they are and that is most definately not men.

"Hello, darlings." Elizabeth sang, throwing her arms around Daddio.

"Hey, baby cakes." Dad grinned.

"What, no hug for me?" I asked, throwing my hands up.

"Who'd want to hug you?" Dad hissed, glaring at me. I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out. He crossed his eyes at me.

"Well, dinner isn't quite ready. Why don't we all go sit?" Elizabeth suggested, warmly. She lead us all into the living room. There were only a couch and a few chairs. I don't know where Elizabeth thought we should all sit. When all the seats were taken up, I shrugged and sat on the floor.

"Bella, dear..." Elizabeth laughed, nervously. "Why are you on the ground?"

"Elizabeth, dear." I laughed. "There are no more chairs."

"We could have found another one..." She said, completely at loss for words.

"Well, whats done is done." I shrugged.

"So, Charlie, what line of work are you in?" Carlisle asked, merrily.

"I'm a....print...communications...traveling technician." He stuttered.

"Oh my God, Dad." I laughed.

"Bella." He hissed.

"Dad, you're a mailman!" I gaffuawed.

"And you're about to be homeless." He warned me. I silenced my laughter, to the best of my ability.

"You're a mailman?" Esme asked, curiusly.

"Yes, I am a print communications traveling technician." He insisted.

"Dad-"

"Shut up." He said, quickly.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Elizabeth cut in.

I highly doubted anyone was going to have a real conversation tonight or any other night.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Oh, Lizzie, this is simply devine!" Esme gushed.

"Oh, I just picked it up off the streets." Mama said, modestly.

"Yes, Liz, because you hang out on the streets so often." I mumbled, sarcastically.

"Nonsense, this is fabulous. I must have the recipe." Esme insisted.

"We'll exchange tonight." Mama giggled.

"Oh, yes, we'll have a girls night to kick things off!" Esme agreed. "Bella, you simply must join us."

"Must?" Bella inquired, her mouth full of chicken.

"Must. It'll be wonderful. Liz and I can teach you cheers from back in college. Oh, you'd make the most beautiful cheerleader." Esme babbled.

Bella gave her Dad a pleading look. He gave her one right back.

"Yes, that'll be splendid. Oh, you boys must do something tonight as well." Mama pointed out.

"We'll hang out in Edward's domain tonight." Carlisle suggested.

"Well, alright." I stuttered.

"We'll build forts and ride our big wheels." Charlie nodded.

"Your night sounds like more fun." Bella whined.

"Oh, Bella, you'll have the best time tonight." Esme consoled her.

"We'll make sure of it." Mama agreed.

"Well, if you'll make sure of it." Bella laughed through her teeth. "Oh, but wait, I have plans with Ricky tonight."

"Cancel." Charlie shrugged.

"Dad, I can't just cancel, we've been planning this." Bella argued.

"Planning what? Are you robbing a bank?" He snorted.

"Yes, we are. Were going to wear ski masks and carry big canvas bags with dollar signs on them." Bella told him, sarcastically.

"Bella, these people don't know you, they might think your serious." Charlie pointed out, seriously.

Bella sighed. "Esme, Carlisle- At any moment did you think I was really going to rob a bank with a ski mask and a big canvas dollar bag?"

"I'm afraid not." Carlisle laughed.

"No, dear." Esme laughed, quietly.

"Problem solved." Bella shrugged.

Charlie rolled his eyes. Bella did the same and turned back to Carlisle and Esme.

"You'll have to forgive my Dad, he forgots not everyone takes things quite as literally as the mailman." She apoligized.

"That's quite alright, dear." Esme laughed, nervously.

"Well, I'm beat." Charlie announced, throwing down his napkin on the table.

"Like an old rug." Bella agreed, following his actions.

"What kind of rug?" He asked, playing along.

"A red one." She decided.

"A dusty red one?" He asked, curiously.

"A stupidly dusty one." She nodded, eagerly.

"Does it stink?" He asked.

"Like socks." She decided. "And old mayonaise."

"Delightful." He said, wrinkling his nose.

"You asked." She shrugged. "Alright, bitches. March!"

Bella pushed back from the table and went in a flurry out the door and up the stairs. Mama and Esme followed her, blindly. Carlisle laughed, and Charlie shook his head at her antics. I just continued to sit. Everyone thought I was too intellegant to laugh at her jokes, but I just didn't want to seem stupid. Everything about her made me self concious. It was strange and unnerving. I shouldn't be feeling this way. Not about my sister. My sister. That's all she was. I didn't have any other feelings. If I could convince myself of this, then it must be true.

"She's a lot of fun, Charlie." Carlisle praised him.

"My daughter is about as fun as a root canal." He snorted.

"She's a riot." Carlisle argued.

"Whatever you say, Doc." He said, leaning back.

"Alright, Edward, I think it's about time you show us the room. Let's go!" Carlisle cheered. His good humor made me grin. I missed having my favorite uncle around. He usually picked up the slack Dad left loose. Dad gave my the birds and the bees talk over the phone with Carlisle there on loudspeaker. I was thirteen and completely mortified.

We made it to my floor and Charlie whistled. "I never really looked around up here. Been too busy. This is a nice set up. Shit, you got an office and everything!?"

"Mama insisted." I told him, ducking my head.

"An at home office is a step in the right direction. It helps organize your work. And it seperates your work from home." Carlisle explained to him.

"But, you're office is at home." Charlie pointed out.

"Yes, but I have a deal with Esme. My work does not leave the office. That is my work space and the rest of the house is my love space." He explained.

"Well, thats, uh, just great." Charlie mumbled. He opened my door and went straight to my bed. "Should I not sit here?"

"Why wouldn't you?" I asked, confused.

"Well, have you been...self sufficiant, lately?" Charlie demanded.

"No, no, no!" I stuttered. "Please, sit down."

"So, Edward. Tell us, whats going on with you." Carlisle said.

"Nothing really." I fidgeted.

"Any girlfriends?" He questioned, smirking.

"No." I responded, sadly.

"You wish you did though." Carlisle sang, in a very un docter like voice.

"Huh?" I gulped.

"I saw the way you were looking at that girl down there." He grinned.

"I haven't the slighest idea what you mean." I argued, shaking my head. It was almost spaztic.

"Don't lie to me, Edward. I saw it. I know what I saw." Carlisle winked at me. He looked like he was having a seizure. He needs to just not do that.

"Wait, wait, wait! My girl?" Charlie demanded, shocked.

"Well, it was either Bella, Esme or his mother." Carlisle pointed out.

"Well, I don't know you guys! For all I know, the kid might be into that shit." Charlie huffed. "Don't get any ideas, kid. She's not dating til she's eighty three."

"I don't think dating is what you have to worry about." Carlisle sighed.

"What do you mean?" Charlie hissed, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, Bella is young, healthy and exeptionally pretty. Though her looks have nothing to do with the actual pregnancy, the other two things make her more likely to get pregnant when she has sex. But being beautiful would help, I suppose." Carlisle explained. I knew he was trying to keep the explanation simple for Charlie's sake. Otherwise, even I would have been confused.

"Christ." Charlie mumbled into his hands.

"On ice." I muttered, sounding a lot like Bella. It just came as a reflex now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate!" Esme and Elizabeth sang.

The three of us were crowded around Elizabeth's bedroom. We'd already changed into our pajamas. While Elizabeth and Esme both sported extremely exspensive looking nightie contraptions, I wore my trusty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle PJ's. Michael Angelo was the life of the party. Esme and Elizabeth were standing on her bed, looking almost like little kids with how happy they were. I could tell it had been awhile since they saw each other. And since they had an audeience.

"That's quite a unique cheer." I responded to their previous little number. "I doubt anyone else even knows it."

"Oh, hush." Esme said, playfully. She lowered herself so she was sitting on the bed and Elizabeth followed. I was on the end bed post, feeling very uncomfortable. I swung myself over so I landed on the bed with a bounce.

"Alright, gossip time." Elizabeth gushed.

"Where did you and Charlie meet?" Esme asked. I had a feeling if I weren't here, these questions wouldn't have been so PG.

"Oh, at the pharmacy. He was there getting some motrin, and I was picking up my perscriptions, when BAM! We just ran right into each other." She laughed.

"You met him at CVS?" I asked, my jaw dropping.

"Yes. Is something wrong with that?" Elizabeth answered, almost daring me to say yes.

"He was there because I had Swine Flu! I made him go get me Motrin and Gatorade." I huffed.

Fuck. So, basically, I introduced them. Fuck. Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

"Thank God, for Swine Flu then." Elizabeth winked at me.

"Someone needs to be thanked, and it's certainly not God." I murmured.

"Oh, this is just wonderful! What about the wedding? Is there a theme?" Esme asked, desperately.

"No, no. Just a simple church ceremony. Nothing very extravagent." Elizabeth shook her head, almost in dissapointment.

"And the planner?" Esme demanded.

"Oh, Laurent is simply devine. The reception will be lovely." Elizabeth gushed.

"Fabulous. What about the guest list? Anyone I should be warned of?" Esme checked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, you mean, mean girl." Elizabeth teased. "Everyone should be warned of _you_."

"I have no idea what your talking about." Esme giggled.

"Oh, rubbish." Elizabeth snickered.

"So, Liz, are you excited to meet Dad's friends?" Aha. This is the good stuff.

"Well, yes, of course. I'd love to hear about your past." Elizabeth answered, almost suggestively.

"I just thought you'd be kinda iffy about some of the groups that are coming." I sighed. Take the bait, take the bait....

"Groups?" She nearly gulped.

"Oh, it's nothing really. A few carnies, a band, the colony..." I trailed off.

"Colony?" Elizabeth demanded, flatly.

"Nudists. The nudist colony." I told her.

"Nudist. Colony?" Elizabeth hissed. "Charles said nothing about nude people."

Charles? Ooo. Someone's in trouble!

"Only a few of them. Seven, eight tops." I shrugged.

Elizabeth looked torn between crying and canceling the wedding altogether. Here's hoping its both.

"I'll be right back." She said quickly, sliding off the bed and rushing out of the room. I sniggered at her frantic pace. I heard her calling my Dad's name down the hall. I heard a small sigh. I turned to find Esme giving me hard stare.

"Your face will freeze like that, you know." I warned her.

"There's no nudist colony." Esme stated.

"Oh? I must have been mistaken then." I shrugged, innocently.

"You enjoy tormenting Liz." Esme announced.

"Very much so." I nodded, agreeing with her.

"May I ask why?"

"Well, let's put it simply. She's a homewrecker. Everything was perfectly fine until her and Dad decided to magically fall in love and get married." I told her, flatly.

"Homewrecker? And just what kind of home did you have?" Esme challenged.

"A good one. Granted, it might not have been the most stable, but it was still a home. And I loved it." I allowed.

"It's not only Elizabeth's decision, you know. Getting married and such." Esme pointed out.

"True, true. But Dad is also head over heels for her and would probably set himself on fire if she told him to." I shot back.

"Well, let's put it simply, shall we?" Esme suggested, mimicking me. "Liz is my best friend. And I don't like seeing her so flustered all the time. She is in love with your father and you're just going to have to deal with it, young lady. Or I'll assist you."

"Is that a threat?" I asked, thoroughly amused.

"No. That's a promise." She said, steadily.

"Ooo, how very buttercream of you." I laughed. "Listen up, Tony Soprano. In a few weeks you and your pedophile husband will be back in the hum drum country feilds, while I'm still here. You can't protect Liz forever. If she wants me to back the hell off, she'll give me a reason to back the hell off."

Esme looked at me, thoughtfully. "What about Edward? You think he won't stand up for his mother?"

"Edward can't stand up for himself, let alone his mother!" I exclaimed.

"And you'll just continue to harass Liz, even thought its clearly hurting your father." She stated, like I was planning on hitting the Pope with my car.

"Dad knows me, and he knows how I am. He raised me to be like that. Liz needs to learn to suck it up. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the motherfucking kitchen." I told her, plainly. "It's been lovely."

And with that, I went up to my room to go jump out my window.

Yeah.

As if I had the guts.

**Hi, everyone! I know I haven't updated in a really, really long time but I've been sick for two weeks now! Trust me, you have no energy to write when your curled up in bed with 102.7 fever. Sorry! Please, reveiw! Everyone who reveiws, telling me what they liked about this chapter will get a preveiw of the next one soon to come. The song at the top is Ain't No Rest For The Wicked by Cage The Elephant. I love that song. Esme is wicked! Your Mom's wicked! Sorry, I'm a little jumpy after being in bed for so long. Actually I picked that song because Bella is still hanging on to her old lifestyle, because giving into the money would be giving into Liz. And she is sooo not letting that happen. Like the Esme wickedness? Cat. Fight.**

**Review!**


	9. Bad Influence

_Lordy, Lordy, Lordy!  
I can't help it I like to party, it's genetic!  
It's electrifying, wind me up and watch me go  
Where she stops, nobody knows  
A good excuse to be a bad influence on you _

"Charles!" Mama shrieked, bursting in the room.

"Ahh!" All three of us screamed. We weren't doing anything incriminating, but she took us by complete surprise.

"A nudist colony? A nudist colony? Are you insane?" She yelled.

"A nudist colony? Are we in France?" Charlie asked, surprised.

"No, Charles, we are not in France! We are in America, in my home! There will be no nude people in my home!" She cried.

"Well, Liz, everyone has to be naked eventually..." Charlie trailed off, still confused.

"Bella, bless her heart, told me who you were inviting to the wedding! My wedding! Nudists, and angry rock groups? Not to mention the dirty carnival help!" She screamed. Was my Mother losing it? I'd never heard her this angry.

"Dirty carnival help? You mean Felix? He's my main man, Liz!" Charlie cried, in outrage.

Wait a moment? Did she say Bella told her? That can only mean...

"Have you met my daughter?" Charlie continued, astonished. "She's a pathological liar! She will do anything to make sure you go absolutely bonkers before we even tie the knot! She's a demon! A spawn of the devil, I tell you!"

"Charlie..." Carlisle protested, weakly.

"You, shut your docter hole!" Charlie yelled. "Where is she? Where's the girl?"

"She left." A voice rang out from the doorway. Esme was standing there in a long silk nightdress, looking incredibly unhappy. What had happened? Why was Bella gone? I mean, Bella was horribly irrational, but she had a good head on her shoulders! Why on Earth would she just leave? Was she afraid of Charlie? I ruled that out quickly, because quite frankly, I beleive Bella could kick Charlie's butt. I grinned to myself after that thought. Bella would have a fit if she knew I couldn't even cuss in my own head. Bella....Bella...Bella....

I let my thoughts drift as to where she might go, when a horrifying thought struck me.

What if she didn't come back?

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"Stupid, dumb, ugly bitch, trying to tell me what to do, why I oughta...." I mumbled under my breath. It then occured to me that I sounded like an old cartoon and I should be shaking my fist at the no good rabbit standing there just munching on his God damn carrot.

I could have taken the car. But no. In my fit of victory, I conveniently forgot to grab the keys. And you know what happened? Esme motherfucking Cullen locked me out. What a dumb bitch. I'm cutting all her hair out the night before the wedding. See if she likes them apples. So I walked. I walked all the way from upity fuck heights to my own personal ghetto. I had plans to meet Ricky at Rogerson Park tonight, but those plans were ruined. I needed to talk to him. And I knew exactly where he was. You see, it went like this. Me, Ricky, Win, Max. I was the leader, plain and simple. What with being the only girl, I had to keep these suckers in line. Ricky was broody, he had sort of an emo thing going on. He had reasons, and no one dared judge him for it. Win was the caretaker. He was an all around nice guy. Nobody messed with him because he never gave them a reason to. Max was the funny one. I was funny too (not too toot my own horn....toot, toot), but he was a joker. He could talk his way out of anything. I always tell him, he needs to get involved in White Collar crime. He'd be perfect. But there was a reasoning behind that line up.

How we all could be trusted.

Ricky and I were an island within itself. We had a bond that I was damn proud to say no one could break. He trusted me with everything. I trusted him with everything. It was like a circle. But lets say I'm not there, like tonight. Ricky would turn to Win, because well, he's Win. you can just trust the guy. He would never spill anything. Max cracks for Ho Ho's. He is such a Ho Ho whore.

Ugh, listen to me. I'm getting soft.

I ran up the walk to Win's little house and banged on the door. I winced after I did it, because I knew exactly who was going to answer...

The door opened, swiftly. Standing there was General Chandler Madison. He was tall man, strong but weak. He looked tired. He was in Vietnam back in his teenage days, and had this strange notion he was still there. Win's Mom is painter, her name is Violet. Chandler and Violet separated when Win was eleven and he mostly lived with his Mom. He stayed with his Dad one week out of every month, for some 'Man Time'. Bull. Shit. They hardly even talked.

"At ease?" I guessed, raising an eybrow at him.

He gave me a hard stare. "I see my home is the neighborhood hot spot tonight. Win is upstairs. Go ahead."

"Thanks, soldier!" I called, running in past him. I jogged up the stairs, and into Win's open door. Ricky was sitting on the floor, with an old throw pillow over his face. Win was staring at him on the bed. His face lit up when he saw me. I'd always been afraid Winnie might have had a crush on me.

"Hey, Bee!" He said, cheerfully.

"Sup, Winifred." I grinned, high fiving him. "What's Oppressed Teenager Number One doing on the floor?"

He shrugged. "Fucking?"

"Fucking what? That made no sense." I told him, shoving his shoulder.

"Your Mom makes no sense." He said, automatically. He then shrunk back when he realized what he said. You see, Chandler and Violet might be split up, but at least they still loved Win. Chandler had a funny way of showing it, sure, but there was no doubt in my mind hem adored his son. And Violet doted on him, constantly. He was definately Mommy's Little Boy. I, however, was not so lucky.

"She sure doesn't." I muttered, climbing off the bed to sit next to Ricky. "Hey, loser?"

"What?" He responded, quietly, his voice muffled by the pillow.

"Why are you on the floor?" I asked, seriously.

"I'm saving energy." He told me, monotone.

"You're saving shit, get your ass up." I ordered. He sighed behind the pillow. He then proceeded to sit up and lean back against Win's bed. The pillow was still over his face. "Pillow off, Super Slooth."

He slowly removed the pillow from his face. I would commented, if there had not been a big nasty bruise on his scruffy cheek. And the dozens of cuts on his forehead.

"Ricky Ricardo," I gasped. "What the hell happened?"

"Nothing." He said, almost silently.

"You know, sooner or later you're going to have to leave that man." I joked, trying to nervously make it all better. He turned. His eyes told me it wasn't the time for jokes. I hushed up, quickly.

"There was a girl," He murmured. "She was cornered. She couldn't have been more than fourteen. These men, these dirty fucking men, were going to attack her. I came up behind one of them with my crowbar and hit him over the head. Turns out, one plus a crowbar cannot match four plus sharp knives. The girl got away though. That's all that matters."

I stared at my tormented friend, earnestly. I honestly wanted to cry. Not just because something like that was about to go down in our town, but because there were only a handful of people like Ricky that would step in and help her. Fourteen? She was only a kid. I mean, I had my first smoke at fourteen. I lost my virginity at fourteen. But that's so different. I grew up really young. This girl probably had a family somewhere. With a mother and a father and a little brother maybe....

I hugged him, tightly. He brushed back my hair, lightly. I almost forgot Win was in the room until he whistled.

"Damn, Ricky! You're a gangsta."

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It was around two o'clock when I woke up and went downstairs to get water. I squinted against the lights on in the kitchen. Esme had slept in Mama's room and Carlisle was asleep in his room. Charlie was sitting at the counter with a bottle of Bud Light in his hands.

"Charlie?" I yawned, sleepily.

"Oh. Hey, kid." He said, glumly.

"You alright?" I asked.

"Not really." He sighed. "Your Mom's pissed, my daughter's missing, and I'm a mailman. A _mailman_."

"Bella's still not home?" I asked, alert.

He waved it off. "She'll be home soon. I guarantee it."

"Huh." I mumbled, anxiously.

"You know," He said, lazily. "I never felt this way about Bella's Mom. Bella's Mom was a bitch. A no good bitch. And she didn't deserve us."

"I'm sorry, Charlie." I said, quietly.

"It was harder on me than it was on Bella. I feel bad though. I mean, Bella didn't deserve this. She needs a Mom. I'm a little late, but still. I love Liz." He babbled.

"I love Mama too." I answered.

"Listen, kid. I'm dead beat. Will you hang down here and wait for Bells?" He asked, drowsily.

"Yes." I answered, quickly.

"Usually I'd just go to bed. But tonight...I have bad feeling." He sighed, heaving himself up.

"I'll make sure she comes home safe." I promised, earnestly.

"You're a good kid." He yawned. "Wanna beer?"

"No, no thank you." I stuttered.

"See!" He exclaimed, throwing one hand up. "A damn good kid!"

He mumbled something to himself and hauled off to bed. I threw his empty beer bottles in the recycling bin. I then sat on the couch, my weariness gone. I was just anxious now. Anxious for my girl to come home.

......

I know, I know.

My girl?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fuck." I swore under my breath as I traipsed in the front door. I ran into the God damn umbrella bin. It was three a.m and there was no doubt in my mind that Dad was in the kitchen right now, drinking a beer. He always did this when we fought. Only this time, it wasn't us. It was me and Wannabe Mama Cullen. She was just going through Wannabe Baby Mama drama. Yeah. That was it.

"Bella?" A sleepy voice called out. That was most certainly not my Daddy. I peered around the corner. Red was sitting on the couch with a book in his lap. His glasses were falling down the bridge of his nose. I had the urge to take them off and....

Fuck. Me.

No.

Just no.

"Go to bed." I snapped. He looked deflated. I felt bad. He felt bad. We all just felt bad.

He shouldn't feel bad.

I really shouldn't feel bad.

He really shouldn't feel bad either.

I only snapped because I want to fuck him.

**00000000//////////00000000////// 00000/////0000000////////**

"Dang! That's a big motherfucker." Max whistled, inspecting it roughly.

"Yeah, Bee. You're gonna ride that thing?" Win asked, in disbelief.

"I don't like the color." Ricky decided.

"Well, that's just racist." Max huffed.

"Losers!" I groaned. "Do you like it or not?"

"I prefer Chinese ones." Win shrugged.

"But those are so small." Max argued.

"This one is massive!" Win roared, but it came out like gurgle.

"You could seriously hurt yourself, Bella." Ricky warned me. "Think of how sore you'll be."

"Fuck it. It'll be fun." I shrugged.

"Use protection, at least!" Max exclaimed.

"You guys make it sound like my bike is a dick." I huffed, rolling my eyes.

That's right. I said bike. After the Esme vs. Bella fiasco last night, Elizabeth thought it would be great to give Red and I are wedding gifts. Because apparently this is affecting all of us and blah blah blah blah blah. Whatever. I got a motorcycle. It was blood red and jet black and insanely expensive, but I ignored that part. I had a motorcycle. I was officially a straight up bad ass. Red got Harvard or something. Who knows? I didn't pay much attention after Liz and Dad presented me with my brand new Legacy 250 Automatic (CVT) Cruiser Motorcycle. Yeah. I went there.

Dad also thought he was being funny by giving me a leather outfit. Leather pants, leather jacket, leather vest. Even bad motherfucking leather boots. I looked like a punkass. And I planned on showing off my punkass moves today. Downtown. By myself.

That was why Ricky was trying to talk me out things. He was paranoid after that girl's attack. He didn't want anything like that happening to me. Pffft. Like I would let anyone near me. Or my bad ass new set of wheels.

"Well, I'm off." I said, slipping my new helmet on. I had stopped off at Win's this afternoon to show the guys. Ricky stayed the night there. Aimee, his foster mom, was a lawyer and wasn't home all that much. Her house was basically just a place to crash. He needed to be with someone last night, and I would have gladly slept with him (because I knew that was the comfort he was seeking), but it just didn't feel right. I had the feeling someone was at home waiting. And I knew it wasn't my Dad.

"Drive careful, Bee." Win said, nervously.

"Don't hit any pedestrians." Max called.

"Call me." Ricky growled, almost dominantly. Ooo, sexy beast. I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he rolled his eyes. I laughed and started up the bike. I then sped off, to my awaited destination downtown.

I was gonna cruise the bars. It was three o'clock when I stopped by Win's house. It was six o'clock now so the bars should be filling up with the after work crowd. Let's see who I could get to buy me a drink. I pulled into the first bar I saw. Mickey Daniel's. Huh. Not very clever, but there were some freaks here. Perfect. I parked my bike around back in employee parking. No one would even think about it back there. There were probably some hard ass's tending this bar. I walked inside, confident already. There were some lonely looking guys sitting at the bar. Bingo. Check Mate. I just found my ticket to free drinks.

"Hey, babe," I purred, sitting down next to a middle aged man. "Wanna buy me a drink?"

"Huh, I dunno," He stuttered, grinning. "You gonna give me something in return?"

"I'm only a little girl," I pouted. "I don't have anything to give."

"I could think of a few things." He laughed, nervously. "Why don't we have a few drinks at my place?"

"Won't your wife get mad?" I asked, shyly.

"Naw. She's a bitch." He spat. "You're not.

"You don't even know me." I giggled. C'mon.

"Oh, I know you." His eyes darkened with lust. "Lemme guess. Tequila?"

"Whiskey." I corrected him in a small voice. Innocent. Innocent. Puppies. Rainbows. Flowers.

"Coming right up." He murmured, signalling the bartender.

"I don't think so." A masculine voice rang out behind me. I turned around, annoyed. I didn't have the patience for this nonsense. "You're coming with me."

"Say what?" I laughed. It was a big man with a dark hat on. Not the most comforting image.

"We're leaving." He said, yanking me up. His voice was gruff. Almost like...

"Emmett! Get your filthy paws off my drawers." I hissed.

"We're leaving, Sandra Dee." He growled, tugging me out the door.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I yelled once we were outside.

"I think I'm your hero. That guy was a pedophile. He was going to rape you, first chance he got." He ranted.

"Oh, because you're so different from him." I huffed.

"Hey! I'm only two years older than you. That guy has got to be fifty! And I didn't here you complaining." He babbled.

"I wasn't complaining in there either." I pointed out.

"You would have been when you were tied down to his bed with a sock in your mouth." He scowled.

"Ooo, kinky." I winked.

"Not the time." He growled. "You're too reckless to be out here by yourself."

"How did you even know I was in there? Why are you here?" I demanded.

He sighed. "Let's just say, you're not the only one I'm looking out for."

"Looking out for me?" I asked taken back. "That's almost sweet."

"Yeah, well don't get used to it." He snapped. I grinned in satisfaction. "You're too young and too stupid to be out here by yourself. Tell you what. I'll watch out for you, if you watch out for yourself."

"How are you going to know every time I'm out here?" I challenged.

"I'm out here quite a lot." He mumbled.

"Why? Why would anyone want to be out here all the time? It's dirty." I complained. I might have been a bad ass, but c'mon. Germs are nobody's friends.

"You see that?" He spun me around and pointed to a girl standing on a street corner. She couldn't have been more than nineteen. She was dressed in a tight little leather skirt and a leather vest that pushed her breasts out. She was wearing a thin black jacket with it, and lace up black boots. She was most definately a prostitute. She was standing on the corner, looking scared. Probably a first timer. A dark car pulled up in front of her and she shakily got in.

"That's a prostitute." I stated, obviously.

"Her name is Ginger. She goes by 'Passion'." He said, disgustedly. "Her. She is the reason I am out here."

He left me at my bike, shocked. Emmett was out here for hookers? What? Rose wasn't giving him any? Then a most obvious conclusion came to me and I shook my head at my stupidity.

Emmett was a pimp.

**Thank you for all your reveiws!! Please, more reveiws!! I love all of them, but please, people, be specific. I want to know exactly what I did and didn't do right. Please. Don't make me beg. Can ya'll tell me what you think of Ricky, Max and Win? Just asking. I haven't gotten much feedback about them. The song at the top is Bad Influence by Pink. I thought it was good because of Bella's little bar stunt there. Emmett is badass, no? I'm lovin it. This is my favorite song. Please, I need reviews. Or I will shrivle up and die. Actually, I'll just be sad :( You get the point though!**

**Review!**


	10. Invisible

_Like shadows in the faded light, oh, we're invisible  
I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize_

"I hope this means you want to dicuss your bang. Or bangs, I might hope." Dad said, aggravated in the telephone.

"Am I interrupting?" I asked, upset.

"Well, yes. But I always have time for my little mate. What's on your mind?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"Dad...IReallyWantToKissHer!" I said, quickly.

"Well blimey, little mate! What have I been saying all along?" He chuckled.

"Dad, please, help me!" I pleaded. "She'll never be interested in me."

"Bugger! Not with that attitude. Listen, you're Mother would tell you that you need to be yourself and nothing else, but that's bollocks. You need to look _good. _Do you look good?" He demanded.

"Well, I could look better-"

"If you could look better, then you need to look better." He insisted. "You still have those dim glasses your Mother got you?"

"Yes. They fit perfectly." I said, defensively.

"Well her legs will never fit perfectly around your waist, if you don't get rid of them!" He exclaimed. "You have a cellular, little mate?"

"Yes." I said, hesitantly.

"Send me a picture of yourself."

"A-alright." I stuttered.

I snapped a picture of myself, and sent it to Dad quickly. "You got it?"

He whistled. "Little mate, we have our work cut out for us."

"I'm that bad?" I asked, quietly.

"No, no! You're a handsome lad, you just need some new...everything." He sighed. "First things first. You need contacts. Second, ask the girl to take you shopping. Girls like that rubbish. And use some proactive. My lover swears by it!"

"Your lover?" I asked, rather amused.

"Not the point, little mate. Are you writing this down? Oh, and quit geling your hair. You look oily. Mess it up. That always gets me a little arse." He advised me.

"Dad," I complained. "That's basically everything about me."

"Exactly. Now, I've got something on my desk that needs my undivided attention. Tata, mate." Click.

Why did I get the feeling that something on his desk was blonde?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Bella," Red said, uncertainly. He was covering his eyes. He had knocked and opened my door before I could answer. "Can we speak?"

"Well, let me see," I rolled me eyes. "La la la la la la la la. Yes. We can."

"No, Bella, no." He sighed. "I mean, can we speak about something?"

"Everything needs a purpose." I sat up. "Proceed."

"I know that you think I'm...less than manly. But would you be willing to...maybe...take me shopping?" He stuttered.

"Shopping? Need some new Viagra?" I smirked.

"Bella," He said, quietly. "I want you to pick out my clothes."

I froze. That sounded too domestic for my blood. "Really?"

"Well, I have a credit card, just charge it all to there. You can even go alone, if you'd be embarassed to be seen with me." He said, sheepishly.

I stood up. "Red. Masen. Today, we will go to the mall. Not your snooty little shopping center. My mall. We'll go together, and you will not say anything. Not a word about what I get you. Understand?"

"Yes." He gulped.

"Get your coat." I nodded.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Whoo! Oh, baby!" A few young delinquints whistled as Bella walked by. She rolled her eyes and gyrated her hips right back at them. I was appalled. These boys could really harm her.

"Ooo, don't be like that baby!" A younger boy called as she gave them the finger. I couldn't believe she was doing this in public.

"Fuck you!" She called over her shoulder.

"Bella!" They whined.

"You know them?" I asked in disbeleif.

"That's Jacob and his little friends. His Dad was our landlord." She explained.

"He's only a kid." I pointed out.

"Fourteen." She snorted. "You were dead by then three hundred years ago."

"Are we done?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Nearly. Now, we're going to enter a little magic room. They call it Spencers." She grinned, pulling me into a flashing store.

We walked in. And I died.

It was vulgar.

It was crude.

It was fascinating.

"Red, come here!" Bella called from a hidden side of the store. "This is Demetri."

"Sup." He nodded. He had big muscular arms covered in tattoos. His face was full of peircings and he had a blue mohawk. One eye was red. One eye was pink.

"He's my uncle's brother." She said.

"Your uncles brother? Wouldn't that be....Charlie?" I asked, confused.

"No, no! Back when we lived with the carnies, Dad met my uncle. Well, he's actually just Dad's best friend, but I call him my uncle." She told me with a flick of her wrist.

"You lived with carnies?" I gagged. Dirty, carnival help.

"When I was three. We've lived with them on and off ever since." She smiled.

"Oh, well...nice to meet you." I waved, awkwardly.

"Same." He said, gruffly.

"Heard from Felix lately?" Bella asked, hopping up on the counter.

"Naw. Little fucker don't got the time to call his big bro. Too busy blowing up balloons." He snorted.

"He's gonna be at the wedding, if you want to come." She offered. I wanted to push her off the counter. I wanted to sweep her up and run out of there. I wanted to hide from my Mother, because I knew I would need to when we got home.

"I gotta wear a suit?" He demanded.

"Your tux tee shirt should work." She shrugged.

"Can I bring a date?" He asked, grinning.

"Your sex doll does not count as a date." She sighed.

He rolled his strange eyes. "I got a girl. Her name's Heidi."

"Is she a hooker like the last one?" Bella hissed.

"Naw, naw. She's a stripper. No touching rule." He smirked, seemingly very proud of himself.

"Ooo, classy." She laughed. "Well, we gotta go. Call me for the details."

"Gotcha." He nodded, hanging some...ehhmm..._toys_ up on the shelves.

"C'mon, Red!" She ordered, pulling me out of the store. I sighed in releif as we stepped out. I looked around, self conciously. I hope nobody saw Bella in there. It would ruin her reputation.

We left the mall, with me carrying all the bags. I might not have been the strongest fellow, but I could handle my girlfr- I mean, friends bags. After all, everything in there was for me. We climbed into my Volvo, because I had refused to ride Bella's death trap. Bella took the bags from me and threw everything in the back. She wouldn't let me see anything until we got home.

Home.

I wanted a home.

Just Bella and I.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Next!" I called. Edward sighed and went back into the closet. When we got home I had run up to Red's room and hung all the outfits up in his closet. He's been trying them all on for the last hour and a half. I had to say...he looked damn good. Damn good but way out of place.

"Bella, I refuse to try this on!" He called from the closet, sounding appalled.

"Suck it up! You know, thats exactly what the men are going to be saying to you at the gay sex bar I'm going to lock you in, if you're not out here in thirty seconds!" I sang.

"I cannot pull this on in thirty seconds." He argued, weakly.

"Not with all this yammering, you can't." I agreed. "One mississippi, two mississippi..."

"I'm coming!" He exclaimed, frantically. Obviously, he was not too thrilled at the thought of having another man's cock lodged in his mouth.

"Ooo, that's another thing they'll have to tell you!" I laughed.

"Bella," He complained, tiredly. "are you really going to make me wear this?"

"Depends, Red. I can't exactly see it. The big door is in the way." I pointed out.

He sighed, drearily. He had obviously realized I was not letting up. He opened the closet door, slowly and carefully. He peaked his head around the frame.

"Where's Waldo?" I asked.

"Bella, I will be utterly humiliated and scarred if I am forced to be seen in public with this monstrosety on. Are you really that cruel?" He asked, desperatly.

"Just call me De Vil." I grinned. "Vamanos, Red! I'm waiting."

"There goes that flying pig." He murmured. He took a deep breath and stepped out of the closet. Did someone just stick a hose in my panties? Oh, wait. That was all me.

Red was clad in tight black jeans with a form fitting black tee shirt on. He was wearing black converse I picked out for him, which looked way better than his old guy loafers. It was incredibly simple, I got it all at Hollister. But he pulled it off. In fact, I wouldn't mind if he pulled it all off right now...

"Cross your arms." I ordered. He proceeded, awkwardly. "Ooo, I know!"

I rummaged through one of the bags and pulled out a pair of black sunglassed I bought. He slid them on, reluctantly. I ruffled his hair so it was flying loosely on the tops of his head. It looked like bronze fire. He crossed his arms again, and leaned against the door frame. If he had a cigarette dangling from his mouth, I would have fucked him right there. In his room. With his Mom home.

"Red. If you wear that to the wedding, I will pull your pants down and blow you right here." I breathed.

He widened his eyes. Was he seriosuly considering. I mean, he's always been good looking. He's just...oblivious. Yeah, that was a good word. He was oblivious to how edible he really was. He needed to try harder. He's a lost boy. Like Peter Pan. How sad for him. Good thing he has me. He'll always have me. To fix him, that is.

Yeah.

So.

Can I blow him even if he doesn't where that to the wedding?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blow me?

Like blow me down? Like she had a pirate fetish?

Or blow me like when Dad says it because he's surprised?

Or...take my penis in her mouth and perform oral sex on me?

The last one sounds the best. I knew I couldn't ask her though. Maybe if I phrased it differently. I know, how about 'Hey Bella, do you mean you want to take my...dick in your...lips and...suck?' No, no, no! This is not working? Do they have a How Do I Ask My Step Sister If She Wants To Have Sex For Dummies book? Maybe I was in need of a trip to Borders. Bella raised an eyebrow as to why I was not answering.

"Red, I did a damn good job." She laughed, almost in disbelief. "Come with me."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me until we were at the stairs. "We are about to enter the Twilight Zone. Please, don't be frightened." She anounced. She then flew down the steps, and boy, do I mean flew. She ruled out all safetly hazards and just took off. She could have tripped and broken her neck. _I_ could have tripped and broken my neck with how fast I went behind her. We got to to the bottom and Bella took a deep breath. "That was good excercise."

"Of course." I nodded, taking a few breathes myself.

"Daddy! Oh, Daddy! Come meet my new boyfriend! His name is Blaze!" Bella sang through the house.

"What the hell kind of name is Blaze...?" I heard Charlie mumble as we entered the kitchen. "Bella!"

"Right here, Daddio." She grinned. "Daddio, meet Blaze. As in, Blazin' Hot."

Charlie's mouth fell open. "Edward?"

"Hi, Charlie." I mumbled, shuffling my feet. These shoes were very strange. I had never been into sports as a child, so I hadn't worn tennis shoes since fourth grade. They weren't comfortable at all. They were digging roughly into the back of my ankle. Perhaps I could talk Bella into letting me wear _black_ loafers to go with this gang member get up.

"You look like a different person." He seemed to be stammering for what to say next. He then suddenly narrowed his eyes at his daughter. "Did you threaten this boy?"

"Threaten? He practically begged me!" She exclaimed.

"Begged? Really?" Charlie asked, surprised. He turned to me for an answer.

"I did ask for her...opinion on a few things."

"A few things? Son, you look like a dress up doll!" He chortled.

"What's all this ruckus about?" Carlisle asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Doc C," Bella sighed, dramatically. "Allow me to introduce you to the new...and improved...Edward Masen!" She cheered, making herself sound like a roaring crowd.

"Edward," Carlisle froze. "You look quite fashionable.

"No applause, really." Bella said, sarcastically.

"You did this?" Carlisle asked, completely shocked.

"Ha, I wish!" Bella laughed. It took me a moment to find the underlying meaning behind those words. I blushed bright red. Bella wanted...to do me?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm going insane!" I wailed into the phone.

"Why?" Ricky asked, boredly.

"Don't sound so concerned." I snapped.

"Bella," He sighed. "What is the matter?"

"You know what I did today?" I shrieked. "I wanted to fuck Red!"

"Did you follow through on said thoughts?" He asked, a little bit more interested now.

"No, that'd be gross." I whined. "Think about it, Ricky. My Dad sticks his penis in the same vagina that Red came out of! That's just not right!"

"There having sex? Elizabeth seems more like a wait til your married girl." He mused.

"So not the point!" I huffed, exhasperated with him.

"Then what is the point?" He demanded.

"I am having not step sisterly thoughts towards by step brother. That's gross." I cried.

"Technically, he's not your Step Brother yet. If you make a move before the wedding, all bets are off. Your not really related, honey." He told me, quietly.

"So, what should I do?" I asked, weakly.

"I'm not the best person to ask for relationship advice, Bella. Ask Max. Him and Cora have been going out since second grade." He advised me.

"Ricky, please." I pleaded. "I only want your opinion."

He sighed through the reciever. "I think you should take it slow. Don't shack up just yet. He's a nervous guy, Bell, and it would probably scare him. Start off small. Kiss him. Get a little tongue action in."

"So...what you're saying is that if I kiss him before the wedding, he's not really my brother?" I guessed.

"I didn't say that." He disagreed. "But it is true."

I pondered this. "Kissing Red...maybe I'll buy him some Soft Lips. Not the cherry kind, that tastes like Children's Motrin. The vanilla kind, for sure."

"Glad to hear you've jumped right in." He said, kindly.

"Did Brennan and Dale ever feel like this?" I demanded, sadly.

"Well, Brennan did feel the need to whip out his balls." Ricky pointed out.

"True, true." I snickered. "Hey, Ricky?"

"Yeah, hun?" He responded.

"You know its not your fault, right?" I asked, softly.

He paused. "But it is."

"Ricky-"

"I'd prefer if we just sat here in silence." He interjected. "It would make me feel a whole lot better."

"Whatever you say." I murmured.

And so thats what we did. We sat there in silence.

"I cannot believe I'm here." Alice mumbled, annoyed.

"You look like you traded clothes with a homeless man." I said.

"Flattering." She hissed.

"Want some food?" I offered. She looked real skinny. Was she anorexic maybe? Perhaps hunger cramps kept her unhappy.

"About as much as I want to be your friend." She huffed, following me into the kitchen.

"Well, I don't have enough to feed a _whole_ football stadium." I joked, nudging her with my elbow.

"And here we have the kitchen, its-" Elizabeth's heels stopped them horrible clicking when she saw me and Alice. "Oh. Bella, I didn't know you had friends over. Hello, dear, I'm Elizabeth. Please, make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Ms. Masen. I'm Alice Brandon." She said, politely.

"Oh, none of that Ms. Masen nonsense. It's Liz, sweetie. Though I will be Mrs. Swan in a few days." Liz giggled, winking at me. I then noticed who she had with her.

He was tall, but not so tall that you felt the need to ask 'How's the weather up there?' He was strong, you could tell. His hair was a light blond and fell in his eyes. His eyes were not something to be covered up either. They were an oceany blond, that reminded me of our year in the Outer Banks. He was carrying a tool box and Elizabeth was guiding him around the house.

"Bella, Alice, this is Jasper Whitlock. He's going to be helping out with wedding designs." Liz announced, cheerfully. "He's going to be building the gazebo."

"Why do you need a gazebo?" I asked, shoving a potato chip in my mouth.

"For the first dance, silly. We need a special place to commemerate the occasion. You and Eddie will be dancing in it too." She explained.

"I'm not dancing with Red." I argued.

"Why not?" Liz asked, entirely confused.

"Because I will kill us both. And I refuse to walk on that contraption your having him build. No matter who builds it, it will always be unsafe." I lied. I couldn't exactly tell Red's Mom I couldn't dance with him because of the close proximity our boy and girl parts would be.

"Well, we'll see. You'll feel very safe." Liz assured me. "Would you like to come, Alice?"

"Pardon?" Alice asked, snapping out of some sort of trance.

"Would you like to attend the wedding? We have a few more seats that I'd be more than happy to fill." Liz gushed.

"Yeah, Alice, you should come. It'd be a hoot." I grinned.

"A hoot? Well, in that case, I'd love to." She said through clenched teeth.

"Splendid!" She cried. "Jasper, please come this way. I'll show you where you can start."

"Thank you, Ma'am." He said with a southern accent. "Nice to meet you Bella....Alice."

They went outside and I turned to Alice, thoroughly amused. "Someone has a crush!" I sang.

She glared at me. She looked like she was going to say something sarcastic, but she just huffed. "Eat your chips, Bella."

I crunched on one happily. Life wasn't so bad.

Right now at least.

**Alice and Jasper, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage! What do you think? Feedback? We get nowhere in life without judgment. Trust me, I know. Reviews will make me smile. And I just might give you a little taste of what's to come if you leave me a happy, thorough review. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Everyone should read her story, Poughkeepsie, it's amazing. Hardcore Emmett, Homeless Edward. It's like a big candy store full of Culleny goodness. The song at the top is Invisible by Taylor Swift. Because everyone in the story feels a bit invisible. Please, everyone who likes this story as much as they say, recommend this to your friends. Or even complete strangers on the site. Fine by me. Reviews are much appreciated. **

**Review!**


	11. Fearless

_'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this__  
__You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless__  
__And I don't know why but with you I'd dance__  
__In a storm in my best dressed, fearless_

_Well, you stood there with me in the doorway__  
__My hands shake, I'm not usually this way__  
__But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave__  
__It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'__  
__It's fearless_

"Liz, calm down!" Esme snapped.

"Calm down? Calm down? I'm getting married. Married, Esme!" She cried.

"For the second time. You've done this before, Lizzie. Breathe, in and out, in and out."

"Oh, but Charlie is so much more important then Edward ever was." Liz sighed.

"Edward?" I asked, curiously.

"Eddie's father, Edward Sr." Liz told me. "We split when Eddie was young. I think it damaged him, socially."

"I'll say." I snorted.

"Bella!" Esme hissed. "Why don't you go check on the boys?"

"Righto, bitchypoo." I smiled, sarcastically at her. She narrowed her eyes and pointed towards the door. Esme was Liz's maid of honor and I was a bridesmaid. Felix rode into town today with the other carnies and was Daddy's newly appointed best man. Red was a groomsmen. I walked out back behind the church, hoping to find Felix smoking a cigarrette, but I had no such luck. Instead, I get stuck with a lame ass pimp.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, lighting up.

"Rosalie. She's inside. But thats not really what you asked, is it?" He smiled, grimly.

"So, is Rosalie one of your hoes too?" I asked, nonchalantly.

"Hoes?" He asked, slowly.

"Well, you're a pimp. I assume you have bitches." I shrugged, taking a long drag.

"A pimp? You're shitting me, right?" He barked. "I ain't no pimp."

"You ain't?" I repeated, shocked. "But the other night? You said you were out there for the hookers."

He sighed. "You're a small minded finger fucking pointer, Bella Swan. When I pointed out that girl, I meant I was out there for girls like her. She's lost. She needs someone."

"And that someone is you? Leeches make better company." I snorted.

"That cig is gonna be up your nose if you say something like that again." He warned me. "Those girls need my help."

"And you get a little sugar in return. Makes sense. I've learned you catch more flies with honey." I told him.

"I don't get jack." He huffed.

"Do you get Bob?" I asked, lamely.

"You wanted to know why I'm here?" He reminded me.

"Oh, yeah. Why are you here?" I remembered.

"Rosalie. The Maid of Honor was her social worker." He said, quietly.

"Esme? Wait a minute, social worker?" I demanded.

"Not my place." He sighed, closing his eyes. "See ya in there, finger pointer. Oh, and nice dress."

I looked down at my gown and huffed. I picked this out, firmly against Liz's color scheme. Dentist Chair Pink, Rotting Teeth Yellow and Boiled Egg Tan. Ooo. She's a rebel, alright. My dress was girls get over rainbows by the time they hit third grade, but not me. My dress had ever color in the rainbow. It was unique.

I was unique.

Just like the bug on The Backyardigans.

I went back inside and found Dad in the hall. Just the man I needed to see.

"Here comes the wussy, waiting for some-" I sang.

"Finish that and you're leaving with carnival." He warned me.

"Nervous?" I guessed.

He glanced at me. "Extremely. Unlike Liz, I've never been married before. Your Mom didn't want to committ."

"Well, obviously her last guy wasn't a real prize. Liz avoids any discussion of him like the fucking plague." I pointed out, blowing my bangs out of my face.

He looked at me, proudly. "You know, I raised a pretty cool kid."

"Ooo, tell me more about this cool kid." I grinned, letting him pull me in for a hug.

"I'm sorry you never had a Mom." He whispered into my hair.

"You were more then enough." I assured him.

"I'm sorry your Mom is a drug addict. I'm sorry I didn't get her help, instead of just dumping her." He tired again.

"She didn't want your help. And she sure as hell didn't deserve your help. You might not be a woman, but you are my Dad. You're way cooler then some dumb old pot head Mom." I laughed.

"God knows I love you, kid." He murmured, pulling back to look at me.

"God knows a lot more than we want him too. But, yeah, I love you too." I smiled. Dad's eyes were a little blurry, and I'm pretty sure he tried to hide it. Ah, hell. I was getting soft. Crying at weddings, having sexy fantasies about my bro. Wait, on second thought, that last one is pretty bad ass. I could get arrested for that, right?

I looked at Dad, fondly. He was a dumbass and a goofball and a loser, but he was mine. And he was all I've ever needed. And I was all he'd ever needed. Until now.

Why was that?

He was smiling so big, I thought he's lip his lips right in half. I couldn't ruin this day for him. I wouldn't. He needed this. He's never really loved a woman before. And as much as I switch ever time I see Liz Masen, I loved Dad too much to break this. I sighed. Dad didn't notice. He was too busy greeting our friends. People were laughing and saying things to me, but I wasn't listening.

All I could think about was that sexy fucking beast in the tux up front.

* * *

"Fuck, it's starting." I heard Charlie swear.

"Dude, shut the hell up, were in a church." The big guy, Felix, hissed.

"Shh." The reverand hushed them.

"Sorry, Jesus." Felix whispered, looking up. "Whoa. Is that Bella? Little fucking Bella?"

Bella was walking down the aisle with a bouqet of blue daisies in her hand. She was making faces at a few people and she even winked at my great uncle Steve. He liked that. She turned and took a bow when she reached the end of the aisle. She flipped her head back up and wiggled her hips in my direction. She looked alittle torn. She must be nervous about this marriage. I know I am.

Bella was standing across from me on the step above Felix and Charlie. I snapped out of my staring contest with Bella, when I heard the wedding march. Here came Mama, in her "vintage" white gown on Carlisle's arm. Since my Grandfather had died a few years back, Carlisle was giving her away. I suppose I could, but the idea was a bit overwhelming. As sad as it was, I wasn't ready to give my mother away. I was just a kid, I needed my mother. She reached the front and smiled at Charlie with watery eyes. It made me smile. She really deserved to be happy. She's lived too long without any man to love and-

Oomph!

Soft, smooth lips were pressed against mine. There was a hand holding my tie to whoever was kissing me. It was urgent and frantic, almost like we didn't have a lot of time. I would have ended it, or pulled away, but I was enjoying this. After all, it was my first kiss. And I had no idea who it was, for fear if I opened my eyes it would end. The person stepped back cleared their throat. I opened my eyes slowly. Bella was standing there, biting her lip, anxiously.

"Proceed." She sighed, in releif.

Holy...

I just made out with my sister.

In front of my Mother.

Her father.

And God.

I gulped.

* * *

Everyone was frozen. I really didn't want to interupt Dad's wedding, he was so happy, but Ricky's words were just rattling around in my head. I had to kiss him before they got married, and I only had a teeny tiny window of time left. I had to. And Red didn't seem like he was suffering. He looked like he was ready to sit his pants though. Liz was horrified. I felt like sticking my tongue out at her. That's what she gets for stealing my Dad. Dad looked uncomfortable. He didn't look angry like I'd assumed though. In fact, he looked kind of...wistful. Strange. I had to admit though, kissing Red felt pretty damn good. He tasted like rain. Rain and peppermint. Peppermint rain. It sounded like a really cheesy love song. Awww! He was my Peppermint Rain Man. Jesus. I kissed him once and I'm already the Stain Puff Fucking Marshmellow Man.

FML.

"Hiya, folks!" Felix said into the microphone, happily. "I'm Felix, I'm the Best Man in every sense of the term. As the Best Man, I'd like to make a toast to the happy fucking couple. Charlie, you're my best friend, you're like a brother to me. You deserve love, I'm real happy for you, asshole. To the bride and groom!"

Everyone on Bella's side cheered.

Esme walked up after he left the stage, in disdain. "Well, that was pleasent. Hello, everyone, I'm Esme, the Maid of Honor. Liz, you've been a sister to me for so long, and I'm honored to be in your wedding party. I wish you a thousand happy memories, and a million smiles. You truly are the most beautiful bride. To the bride and groom!"

Everyone on our side cheered.

I was still vibrating with joy from that kiss. I felt like doing a little dance. Bella kissed me, Bella kissed me, Bella kissed me! Yes! Score one for me. I felt like a kid in a candy store. I'd had my first kiss from the girl of my dreams today. Granted, she has horrid timing, but we'll work on that. I only hoped this meant she wanted more. Nothing dirty, but a relationship. I would treat her so well, she would have everything. Oh, to be her boyfriend. I nearly blushed when my thoughts registered. I sounded like a lovestruck school girl.

"Follow me." Someone murmured in my ear. I turned around to see Bella walking back towards the sitting area in the reception hall. I eagerly followed her in. She shut the door and locked it with a click. She then turned to me, with a raised eyebrow.

"So?" She demanded. "I'm assuming you liked it as much as I did."

"You've assumed correctly." I said, nervously.

She smiled "I thought so. You do realize this is gonna be hella difficult, right?"

"I do. I'm willing to overcome these obsticles." I said, bravely.

She shrugged and took a step closer to me. Close enough to touch.

"Red...you wanna be my boyfriend?" She asked, innocently.

"Yes." I gulped.

"Fuck yes." I heard her murmur.

"Don't we need to discuss some stuff?" I asked, confused.

She got even closer. Her hair looked so soft. Out of impulse I brushed it. I tried to pull my hand away when I finally thought about it, but she grabbed it and held it there.

"I believe people over think a lot of stupid things, Edward. I don't want this to be one of them." She declared before pressing her hot mouth against mine. She moved her lips and I followed her lead, hoping I wasn't making a fol of myself. Her tongue darted into my mouth and I gasped. I felt Bella's lips curve into a grin against mine and I couldn't help but smile myself. She was always so amused with my discomfort.

The door flew open.

"We payed for your fucking dinner, now come eat it." Charlie growled.

* * *

"Jesus, Bella, you couldn't keep your mouth shut? Literally?" Charlie demanded.

We were sitting on the couch in front of Liz and Dad. It was two days after the wedding. They were leaving on their honeymoon tonight, and they'd be gone for a week. We'd given them their privacy last night, and I took the time to orally train Red. I had to say he picked up quick. Thats an incredibly good thing, if i was going to have to train him in other things too.

"Eddie, honestly, this is illegal." Liz told him.

Red stayed quiet. He was holding my hand.

"It's only illegal if you're blood related. And who are you tell us we can't see each other?" I demanded, standing up.

"I'm Edward's Mother and your Step Mother. And that is exactly why you two can't do this." Liz hissed.

"Fuck it. This is not going to be some never ending battle, okay? We're not duking out forever. I have rights and so does Red. You may be his Mother, but you are not mine. Red if my boyfriend and that really sucks for you, don't it, Liz?" I hissed. "This is happening. Deal with it. Because I'm sure as hell not dealing with you."

Liz gasped. "Charles! You're going to let her to speak to her elder like that?"

Dad paused. He looked angry for some reason. And not at me. "You're the one that wants them apart. You deal with it."

He then turned and walked up the stairs, so pack, I'm assuming. Their honeymoon was in Cancun and apparently, it was going to be "off the hook" according to Dad. Liz looked shocked. She stuttered a little at me and them flounced up the stairs to piss Dad off a little more. Perfect, Liz. That'll do you some good.

Could this bitch get any dumber?

"You're Mother's a fruitcake." I mumbled.

He was silent.

"Red?"

He was still silent.

"Redward?" I sounded like Scooby Doo.

"I don't want to dissapoint Mama." He said, softly.

Ah.

Check, please.

I understood, really I did. Edward might have a Dad that calls, but he's lived his whole life with his Mother. Just like I've lived my whole life with Dad. Red and I, we weren't all that different. We were in the same situation, just with different circumstances. I grew up all over America. Red's never lived outside of Seattle. I was raised around drunks and carnies and nudists. Red was raised around socialites and trend setters and millionares. Red and Liz might live in Seattle, but there was a nice mine of money back in England for Liz. When her parents died, they left her with millions. She just chose to stay where her and Edward Sr started there lives together, without anyone's help. No maids, no butlers, no cooks. Just Edward, herself and fuck loads of dollars. Some would say Edward had it better. But I believe I've been more exposed. Edward was sheltered. I was exposed to all different social status's, religions, cultures. I've seen it all and I'm only sixteen. Well, seventeen actually. In two months. Two months and eight weeks, if you wanted to get technical.

"You're not dissapointing your Mother. I am. You're just along for the ride." I said, softly.

"So...I'm just your arm candy?" He asked, almost silently.

"Hell no. If I wanted some arm candy, I'd skim GQ. You...you're for real." I assured him.

He smiled, slightly. "This is our second day of the relationship and we're already battling our parents."

I laughed. "One parent, actually. Hey, whats your Pop think of this, anyway? Does he even know?"

He blushed. "Actually, he's the one who encouraged me to ask you to take us shopping."

"Awww, Edward and his Daddy are best buddies." I cooed.

He blushed darker. "Shut up."

I stopped. "Shut up? Really?"

His face changed. "No, Bella, I didn't mean it! I just meant...stop....talking about it."

"Dude, simmer. It's cool. Chances are, you're gonna want me to shut up quite a lot." I smirked.

We heard stomping on the stairs, and he scooted away from me a little. What a nerd. He was still scared Liz and Dad were going to have a break down or something. He needed to calm down. I leaned over and kissed him right as Dad reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Jesus, kid, get a fucking room! This is a family area, and families don't fuck. Well, except you two of course." He said, throwing me a look.

"You needed something?" I asked, innocently, running my fingers through Red's still not greasy hair.

"Look, I'm not gonna hound you on three conditions. One, no sex. Fuck and I fuck your lives. Two, nothing in front of me. Incest does not get me going, ecspecially when it involves my daughter. And three, nothing public. I don't need church mommies calling me and complaining about my kids screwing each other in the bathroom. Not cool. You got it?" He demanded.

"It? What is this it?" I asked, wistfully. "AIDS? Ghonerea, Chlamydia?"

"No jokes. Liz is pissed and she's not putting out until I make her feel better." Dad complained. When he saw Red's horrified face he mumbled an apology.

"Fine, fine. But again, you needed something? Anything particuliar?" I prodded.

"I just wanted to let you know we were leaving. We're all packed. No sex while we're gone, and no parties. Edward, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that pothead over there." He said pointing at me. "No drugs. I don't care if you drink, as long as you don't drive. Ecspecially not on that bike, you'll crash and I'll have to pay for your funeral." He said, uncertainly.

"Yes, Daddy." I said, angelicly.

"I mean it." He warned me.

"Red, call everyone, we're having a kegger." I stage whispered. He shoved me and grabbed his bags off the bottom steps. Liz came down a moment later ans hesitantly hugged her son. She glanced at me and smiled, curtly.

"Goodbye, Isabella." She said, coldly. I rolled my eyes. She'd been cold as ice since Esme and Carlisle went back to Kansas or wherever the fuck they came from. Apparently we wouldn't see them again until Christmas. Oh, how will I go on?

"Bye, Lizzie." I said, mockingly.

She glared at me and walked out the door with a few small bags. Dad picked kissed my forehead before picking up the three big bags and following her. I turned to Red after the door closed.

"We're alone." I grinned.

And with that, he made the first bold move of his life.

He wrapped his arms around my waist.

And kissed my neck.

Sweet. Yes, sweet.

But a hickey was like a big flashing sign on your neck that said 'Whore!'

* * *

"This better be good!" Bella called as she got up from the couch to answer the door. I would have gotten it, but Bella broke my glasses, purposely and had yet to go get my contacts.

I heard hushed voices and a few slaps. I got up, but everything was really blurry. I could see shapes, but nothing real. I called for Bella and she ran in. I could already tell she was nervous.

"Hey, Red," She laughed, uneasily. "You mind if we have some company tonight?"

"No. Who?" I asked, merrily. I hoped it was Win. He was a very nice boy.

"Emmett." She answered, flatly.

I froze. Emmett. Was. In. My. House?

Hold on.

Why _was_ Emmett in my house?

And why had Bella let him in?

**Attention all Downers readers! I want to thank Xx-Team-Twilight-xx for being The Downers #1 fan and for what is soon to come. The song at the top is Fearless by Taylor Swift. I feel like thats how Bella makes Edward feel. I feel like this story isn't getting as many readers as I'd like. Oh, and me and a few friends couldn't figure this out. Do they tell you when you've been nominated for an award?**

**Review!**


	12. Free Falling

_All the vampires walking' through the valley  
Move west down Ventura Blvd  
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows  
All the good girls are home with broken hearts_

_And I'm free, I'm free falling'_

_I wanna glide down over Mulholland  
I wanna write her name in the sky  
I wanna free fall out into nothing'  
Gonna leave this world for awhile_

_And I'm free, I'm free falling'_

Two days.

Two days.

Two days Dad had been gone, and I was already thinking about jumping Red's bones. I wasn't into nerds or anything, but he wore it so well. He had this cute expression when he was confused and a gorgoeous smile when he was amused.

Christ, Bella.

Cute?

Gorgeous?

I need to pump some iron. I felt like a lady.

Well, I am a lady. Just not a lady in the sense of...how regular ladies are.

Jesus! I'm a lady, but I'm not! Sue me!

"Bella?" Red asked, coming down the stairs.

"Puedo?" I responded, lifting my head up. It was wednesday morning and school was in. None of the teachers liked me, which wasn't a surprise. Except Sister Nadia. She's loved me ever since my Ten Commandments thing.

1.) Thou shall not eat freezer burned ice cream.

2.) Thou shall not kill anyone without an accomplice.

3.) Thou shall not force your children to live in strange homes.

4.) Thou shall not force your children to become 'Step Children'.

5.) Thou shall not be a bitch to your 'Step Daughter'

6.) Thou shall not talk to me. Ever.

7.) Thou shall not stare at me funny when I'm in dancing.

8.) Thou shall not try and alter my life.

9.) Thou shall cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

10.) Thou shall not sit on people's vaginas while they sleep. (Cough, cough) Emmett McCarty.

By Bee Swan

I thought I did a damn good job. And Sister Nadia admired my creativity, giving me an a for the rest of the term. Now I'm kind of feeling like I should go to church.

"Doesn't puedo just mean can I?" He asked, confused.

"Ugh, pudeo help you, then?" I demanded.

"Can I kiss you good morning." He asked, sheepishly.

"You did when we woke up." I pointed out.

"Well, I won't be able to do it in school and I'm kind of getting used to it." He admitted, shyly.

"Don't ask. Just do it." I smirked. He bent over and kissed me, softly. His lips tasted really good. I'm incredibly surprised I was his first kiss. It's amazing.

"Redlington, let's move." I decided, picking up my bag. Time for hell.

Why were there nuns in hell?

* * *

"Hey, bitch." Emmett whispered in my ear. I jumped. He laughed, loudly. Mike and Tyler looked at each other, confused. Emmett rolled his eyes and pointed down the hall. They left, with their tails between their legs.

"Hello, Emmett." I mumbled.

"Top of the morning to you. Where's your ho? I need to slap some words into her."

That didn't make sense. Did he need a dictionary? I have a mini Webster's in my pencil case. I wonder if I should offer it to him?

"Bella's in the bathroom. She said she needed to pull a Rizzo. Do you know what that means?" I asked, curiously.

He chuckled. I don't think I'd ever really looked at his smile. It was scary. "Don't worry about it, Edwina."

"Emmett?" I asked, hesitantly. "If we're being perfectly honest, can you not call Bella a whore? It's a dirty word."

"You wanna hear dirty words, jump in the sack with me. But I'm not too into that." He shrugged. "But that's cool, bitch. You're still a bitch though. No change there."

"That's fine." I mumbled. I brushed some hair out of my face.

"See ya, bitch. Gotta go. The broom closet calls me." He muttered, glancing at his phone and smirking.

What was he doing in a broom closet?

* * *

I moaned. I moaned into his mouth like a fucking hooker. Ugh. It just encouraged him. He ran his hands over my shoulders and it gave me goose bumps. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and his breathing sped up. Our tongues locked together like they were wrestling and-

Ow.

I dethatched myself from Red and looked down. His hand was on my jugs. He caught his breath and looked where I was, confused. His eyes widened and he quickly removed it.

I wish he hadn't.

No one has grabbed my lumps in a long while. It was refreshing. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was good stuff.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, really, I am, I had no idea what I was doing. It was a mistake, I'm so sorry, I can't say it enough, it was so rude of me-"

I cut him off with my mouth. His hand twitched near my breast again. I laughed in his mouth. I felt his cheek heat up against mine. I pulled away and he was red like a tomato. It was hilarious.

He grabbed my boob. He groped me. Red groped me. I should be completely perved out, but I'm surprisingly turned on. It was animal incstinct. He was so cute.

"Soo..." Red trailed off, awkwardly.

"Yupp." I mumbled. He was blushing. I'm almost positive I was too. We were big, huge losers.

"That was uncalled for." He apologized, for the millionth time.

"Red, I swear, say that one more time and I'm castrating you with a led pencil." I warned him.

He yawned. It was so fake. "It's late. I should be getting to bed. Goodnight, love."

He tore out of there like a turkey on Thanksgiving. I smiled though.

"Love?" I murmured to myself.

Love? It was such a foreign word. I mean, I love people. I love Dad, I love Felix. I love Ricky, Max and Win. I love myself. That's the first step in self help, by the way. I'm sure I love more people, but those are the top five. Well, top six. I didn't love Red. Not yet, at least. I cared about him and I liked him a lot. In Kindergarten terms, I _like_ liked him.

Red was my main squeeze. My main Tarzan man. My fucker love. Technically, I haven't fucked him. He was too virginal. It kind of made me mad. I mean, everyone has to lose it sometime. Was he going to pull a Steve Carell and be virgin till he's forty? Really? I'm a girl. Girls have needs. Especially me. My Dad was getting more action than I was. Ew, and Liz was older than him. She was robbing the cradle. She was eighteen when he was sixteen. That's considered statutory. She was cougar. She was the mayor of cougar town.

I got up and paced. Pacing was good, it kept me busy. Pacing was healthy, right? Pacing, Pacing, Pacing. Jesus, Bella, what the hell? You have OCD now? God, I'm ADD, aren't I? Ugh. This is just great. I ran my fingers through my hair and made a split decision. I ran through the kitchen and up the stairs until I was at our floor. I tip toed around the corner. Red was walking into his room. He had a gray tee shirt and green plaid pajama pants on. He was rubbing the back of his neck. I ran and you know what I did?

I jumped his virgin bones.

* * *

I was on my way to bed. I wasn't really tired but after what just transpired between me and Bella in the living room I need to get my thoughts together. What am I going to do? I know I should call dad, and get his advice. While contemplating this I heard a light thudding noise and then I was on my back on the floor in the hallway with a very flushed looking Bella on top.

"Umm...Bella are you alright, dear?" I looked into her eyes and they were a dark shade of brown holding an emotion I've never seen before. She looked beautiful as always but she looked slightly better with this glazed expression.

"Oh, I'm better than okay, Red, because I plan on getting something from you tonight, I should have gotten a long time ago." She smirked. Was it just me or did my girlfriend sound like she was trying to rape me?

"I don't understand." I stammered.

"I didn't think you would. But you will." She grinned, smugly,

She must have noticed my confused expression because she just smiled in understanding, then she attacked my lips. Her lips were very soft and she tasted like strawberries. I was getting very into it, maybe more than I should have been because my PJ's were getting incredibly tight. She opened her mouth to me and I stuck my tongue out, not really knowing what I was doing. She moaned and then she grinded her hips into mine in a circular motion. I gasped in shock and pleasure, then her earlier words dawned on me and it became quite clear what she wanted from me.

* * *

I saw understanding flick across his face then shock. If this shocks him he ain't seen nothing yet because I plan on making his toes curl and his throat ache. He won't be able to keep his nice strong hands off me..Geez down, Bella girl, you can dream about his long pale fingers...Whoa, now, getting off track...

"Uhh...Bella...are you...saying...?" He was stumbling around with his words and gasping because I was still lightly grinding on him. He was so new to this, even the slightest movement down there was heaven on Earth.

"Yes Edward, that's exactly what I'm saying." He knew I meant buisness. I used his real name.

I thrust my hips then grabbed his cock through his tightly wound jammies and let me tell you it was humongous! He let out a long moan and his eyes rolled back. He grinded into me and I whimpered. I bent down and kissed him hard, my tongue darted out and he opened his mouth, he tasted like vanilla and honey. I could see a large wet spot on the crotch of his pants from where my arousal was soaking through my shorts. I was gushing like Niagra Falls because of Red as we continued to dry hump on the hallway floor.

* * *

I was a little embarrassed about my erection because I knew Bella could feel it but this feels to good I can't seem to care. Oh, dear God this friction is like heaven. Ugh, what does Bella call this, gritting...grating...gyrating...ummm...grinding that's it. This is complete ecstasy, I can see a wet spot, which I just now realized is Bella's arousal, on my pants. She smells sweet and musky. I am so caught up in her that World War 3, 4 and 5 could happen and I would be none the wiser. This is not how I wanted our first time together to be, but how in the heck am I supposed to stop this now...

A loud scream stopped this.

It was my scream.

"Holy motherfucking hell, Red! Did I sit on your keys?" Bella gasped, stopping her movement.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Bella, but....I can't do this." I stuttered.

She rolled her eyes. "Dude, its easy as one, two, three. Stick it in and rock. Hard." She rolled her head around.

"No, Bella, I know the...basics...but, not right now. We can't. We're not married." I said, softly.

"Thats right, our parents are and this will be quite the impossible task when they are present." She pointed out.

"Bella, I just can't. I'm so sorry." I turned my head away.

She sighed. "Relax, Red. It's cool. I'll just take care of it myself."

My eyes widened. "Yourself? Bella, that's a sin! It's illegal."

She snorted. "Illegal? Edward, what crock pot told you that?"

"Mama, she-"

"Edward! Are we really going to talk about your Mother while I am currently sitting on your cock?" She demanded.

"Bella, please. Thats horrid language." I gasped.

She huffed and stood straight up so she was standing over my pelvis. What was she...?

She jumped back and walked off. I sat up and saw her going down the marble staircase. I followed her, curiosuly. She jogged into Mama and Charlie's room. She walked over to the bottom drawer of Charlie's nightstand. She riffled through some DVD's until she found the one she wanted. She pulled it out and handed it to me, angrily.

"Watch it. Learn." She insisted before walking out.

I looked down at the movie in my hands and dropped it.

Good God.

Bella just handed me _porn_.

_Porn._

Bella wanted me to watch porn.

I felt dirty just saying it.

But so very intrigued....

**Hello, all you tuesday night Twilight fans! Who's dying to go see New Moon on Friday? I know for a fact I already have my shirt. Woohoo. Please, everyone, give a big round of applause for a miss Xx-Team-Twilight-xX for that delicious almost lemon scene. She is amazing, everyone, please clap for her. (Clap, clap, clap) Everyone, fingers crossed for me, I'm trying out for Kate in Taming Of The Shrew and I need all the luck I can get. The song at the top is Free Fallin by Tom Petty. I love thsi song, right on Tom Petty. Can I get an answer? How is everyone liking Emmett? Alice? You'll be getting more of Jasper next chapter. Thank you. **

**Review!**


	13. Wild Rebel Rose

_Wild rebel rose, the kids used to tease you  
Wild rebel rose, every time they'd see you  
In those black turtle necks in mid July  
Wearing' too much makeup 'round your eyes_

Wild rebel rose, I didn't know you  
Wild rebel rose, so I never told you  
How I'd watch from the house across the street  
When those blue lights came around  
At least three times a week

"Scary Mary!" I sang, skipping over to Alice in the hall way. "You heard from the man candy yet?"

"He is not my 'Man Candy'" She sighed. "He's a friend."

"I thought you didn't have friends." I mocked her.

"Look who's talking." She mumbled.

"Ooo, burn!" I cried.

She froze. "Burn?"

"Yeah, burn. You know, Ooo that was an insult!" I explained.

She shook her head. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Aren't you going out with your brother?"

"Well, I raped him in a church, so yes." I nodded.

"Kinky." She said, wrinkling her nose.

I laughed. "I want to hear more about Jazzy Pants."

"His pants are not jazzy." She hissed.

"The willy in them is." I giggled, wiggling my eyebrows.

She spun around and glared at me. "Are you talking about my boyfriends penis?"

"Aha!" I sang. "He _is_ your boyfriend."

"He's my....courter." She muttered.

"Quarter? Like a coin?" I asked.

"No! Like, he's courting me. I'm the courtee and he is the courter."

"Ah, I see. You're a loser." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella, I just might have to slap you." She told me, seriously.

"What school does Mr. Jizz go to anyway?" I demanded.

"Some ghetto school downtown." She muttered, walking into the lunchroom.

"Ehhmm." I cleared my throat. "I went to that so called 'Ghetto School' downtown."

She glanced at me, up and down. "That explains a lot."

"Har har." I said, sarcastically. "Aren't you supposed to be depressed?"

"Society wants me to be depressed, yes, and society gets what society wants." She murmured.

I stopped at the table. "You're. A. Freak."

"Sticks and stones." She reminded me.

"Oh, go hug a tree." I mumbled.

"Hi, Bella." Edward said, nervously, appearing beside me. He pulled my chair out, awkwardly and I plopped down.

"Sup, sweet cheeks?" I asked, turning to kiss him. He pulled back, frantically. I must say, ouch.

"Bella!" He gasped. "We're in public."

"Just what a girl wants to hear from her boyfriend." I rolled my eyes. "You're quite the ladies man, Cullen."

"He is, isn't he?" A voice asked from beside me. I jumped a little and turned to smack Emmett. I missed. I did, however, smack Rosalie Hale.

"Ew, get your hand away from me." She grumbled.

So, being the kindergartner I am, I licked my hand. And wiped it on her cheek.

"Eww!" She shrieked. "Emmett!"

"Relax, babe." He murmured. "You're face is washable."

"Swine Flu is going around, Emmett, and I cannot afford to get sick. Especially not because of this little demon over here. God-"

"Don't tell me she's a Jesus freak." I muttered to Emmett.

"Naw, just a good old Catholic school girl. It really shows in the bedroom." He smirked. Rosalie glared at him.

"She's contagious." Alice mumbled, biting into her mayo bread.

"Don't even talk to me, you little bitch." Rosalie growled.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones." Alice said, blankly.

"What the hell? Listen up, you fucking weirdo-"

"Why don't you do us all a favor and pull your head out of your ass? You're voice is awfully hard to understand through those fat cheeks you have." I hissed.

I knew Alice didn't really like me. But she was the only connection I had here. Besides my boy toy, that is.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes and stood up. "You don't want to mess with me, slut."

"Are we really going to have a duel, right here in God's home?" I asked, innocently as Sister Lydia walked by.

"God frowns on duels, girls." She said in passing. Rosalie rolled her eyes and grabbed Emmett's hand.

"C'mon." She insisted. He glanced at me and shrugged.

"Alright. See ya, Bee. Bye, Edwina, young one." He nodded at Alice. She scowled.

"Fuck you." She spat.

"There's a closet right outside-"

Rosalie grabbed his ear and yanked him. He pulled away and rubbed the side of his head.

"Hands off me, baby. I know it's tough, but try your hardest." He told her as they walked away.

Edward cleared his throat, awkwardly. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair and coughed. It was obvious he didn't like Emmett, but I did. For some reason I felt a connection with him. He wasn't a thug like some people thought. He was a nice guy, there was just something off about him. Something different. I felt close to him. Like the brother I never had.

Edward is not my brother.

If I had a brother, I would not fuck him.

* * *

"Red, you're such a fruit loop." Bella huffed, as we walked in the front door.

"I'm cereal? Is that bad?" I asked, trying to play along.

"Very bad. Think, Michael Jackson bad." She assured me.

"But I lo- like you. Not children." I covered up.

Love? Was I about to say that? I don't know what love is. I do, but I don't. Love was my Mother and my childhood with her. Love was my Dad and his wit and advice. Love was Charlie and his protection over Bella. Love was Mama and Charlie and there newly burning flame. Love was always worrying constantly about the other person. Love was an undying infatuation with a girl, an epic desire you feel, but can't express. Love was admiring everything about them, but finding joy in there quirks, no matter how annoying they might be. Love was being yourself and accepting your other half no matter what. And that's just it. There your other half.

Bella was all these things.

But does that mean I love her?

"Red, I am just an innocent child." She batted her eyelashes. "After all, you'll be the big bad seventeen in a few weeks. I won't know what do with such an older man."

I gulped a little and chuckled. "I'll teach you some things, little girl."

She looked surprised. "Little girl? I have to say, its getting very hot in here."

"So take off all your clothes?" I suggested.

She grinned. "Don't mind if I do."

My eyes widened and she giggled.

"Relax, buddy. No clothing will be removed anytime soon. Except these dumb shoes. Whoever made shoes should be burned at the stake." She sighed.

"They might have been, Bella. Back in older times, people were often executed for frivolous things such as deserting your church." I informed her. She turned around and stared at me.

"Why am I with you?" She asked softly.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips softly to hers. She sighed and went in deeper. We broke apart and she smiled.

"Oh, yeah. That's why." She snickered.

I blushed and she kissed me on the cheek. "I'm going soft, Red. You better not be though." She winked.

Soft? What?

Well, the opposite of soft is....

Oh.

Hard.

I blushed harder.

* * *

"Red, the telly is ringing!" I sang.

"I hear it, Bella." He answered from the other room. "Hello?"

"Hi." I said, coming into the room. He held a finger up to his lips and motioned to the phone. "Hey! You just shushed me!"

"Bella, I'm on the phone." He explained. Someone said something on the other line. "No, Dad, we're not in bed. We're in the living room."

..........

"No! That is not kinky, its unsanitary."

.........

"What do you mean, you want to talk to her? Bloody hell!"

.........

"Fine. Here." He sighed, handing me the phone. "I'm sorry in advance."

I took the phone, curiously. "Ello, governor."

"Whats the capitol of Mississippi?" A strong British voice demanded.

"Ummm...64?" I guessed.

"Very good. I don't know either. You must be Bella. I'm Edward, Edward Sr." He announced.

"Ah, yes, good chap. Thy name is Isabella Marie. How do you fancy?" I asked, politely.

"I fancy well." He chuckled. "I must say, you are an amusing young chimp. I look forward to meeting you, lovely."

"Ooo, lovely? Red, I'm leaving you for your Daddy." I giggled, elbowing him.

"Sorry, dear, I already have a leading lady." He laughed. "I do say though, she doesn't top you."

"How charming you are. Red, you're nothing like your Dad." I winked at him.

"Thank the lord." He muttered, nervously.

"I'm lovin this guy." I announced. "Edward Sr, you're a sex god."

"Sex god? Is my little mate not putting out? Do I need to have the talk with him for the umpteenth time?"

"Little mate? Well, I have some news for you, E.S. His mate it anything but little. You see how he teases me? I'd very much appreciate it." I replied. "Red, baby, you're Dad's gonna have a talk with you about the wonders of sex and magic, since you won't watch the audio visuals I supplied you with."

"Bella, please don't talk with my Father about our sex life." He pleaded.

"What sex life? You mean that purple vibrator in your Mom's sock drawer? Because that is not touching my vagina with a 39 1/2 foot pole." I told him.

"Bella, please hand me the phone." Edward said, pleadingly.

"No." I huffed.

"Bella, please." He tried again.

"I said no!" I sang.

"Bella, now." He sighed, impatiently.

"Nada, dude man." I laughed.

"Bella!" He growled. I stopped.

"E.S, you're sonny here just yelled at me." I tattled. "Spank him."

I tossed the phone to him. But not before whispering in his ear, "You can spank me anytime."

He gulped and grabbed the phone. "Dad, we need to have that talk now."

I laughed and put my feet up on the coffee table. Red was my pimp ship.

* * *

"Dad, did you hear that?" I sighed.

"Hear what?" He laughed, stifling it slightly.

"She wants me to spank her!" I cried.

"Aye! Tell me about it, little mate! That's all my deary wants." He busted out.

"Dad, this is serious." I huffed. "She wants violence? That isn't healthy."

"Healthy? The girls sounds perfectly healthy to me. A bit odd, but healthy." He assured me. "I do say I like her."

"Dad, I'm nervous. She tried to get me to....you know...." I trailed off.

"Bloody hell, little mate, do not tell me she wanted to have a hump and you denied her!" He thundered.

"Possibly." I muttered.

"Dear lord, young man. I need to see what kind of country you're living in." He sighed. "I'm thinking about coming down for your birthday."

My mouth swung open. "Dad, I would love that."

"I know. You're Mother, however, would not." He said, sadly.

Something smelled very strange...

"We'll get around Mama. Please, come!" I said, pleadingly.

Was that smoke I smelled?

He chuckled. "Now, that's the kind of thing your girl wants to hear. And I'll try, little mate. I really will."

Good God, is the house on fire?

"Thank you, Dad. Listen, we have to talk later. I think Bella is burning the house down." I said quickly, hanging up.

I ran into the kitchen. Bella was lighting paper towels on fire and sifting their ashes in a little plastic bowl. I grabbed the lighter and poured water on a dry paper towel. I spun around, angrily.

"Are you bloody insane? You could have burned the house down!" I exclaimed.

"Red, this is all apart of Dad and Liz's welcome home present. They are coming home tomorrow, you know."

"You're giving them the gift of burnt Downy?" I asked, choking on my words.

"No. Ugh, you know what, never mind. You ruin my fun. What did Pimp Daddy have to say?" She asked, carefully changing the subject.

"He said he hopes we don't die in a blazing inferno." I told her.

"Funny, Mini Pimp." She said, sarcastically. "No, really, what did he say?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me why you were setting paper on fire." I compromised.

She clucked her tongue. "Well, then I guess it will all remain a mystery. You are forgetting, Red, that I have the power to call your Dad. You, however, do not have the power to jump inside my head and flip open the folder labeled 'Operation Welcome Home'." She pointed out. She then ducked under my arm and strolled along her merry way.

Oh my.

I'm dating a pyromaniac.

* * *

Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Nuns. Nuns. Nuns. Blood. Death. Sex.

Ok. The last two have not happened today. Much to my disappointment, the last one does not happen any day. I understand all the virgin hype, but seriously, you're going to lose it some day. Unless you're a Nun. Hey, is it, like, illegal for a Nun to take her own virginity? If she can't go bumping around with men, can she bump by her lonesome? I mean, is it some kind of sacred sin? I think thats why these Nuns are so cranky. Sexual tension really builds up, let me be the first to tell you.

Alice has been very cranky today too. She's been snapping at me and getting all pissy when I talk. Nothing out of the ordinary, but it seems more absolute today. Like automatically, when someone talks, she must kill them. She looks like hell. It's a very familiar look. We just got to math and she already looks like she wants to kill me. She sits in front of me, so she tends to ignore me in this class. She's been the bathroom like sixteen freaking times in the last hour. A shrunken bladder, perhaps? It seems like a reasonable explanation. She's been rubbing her leg all day too. Whats up with that? I mean, do shrunken bladders hurt the thighs? It's weird and kind of pissing me off, so who knows.....

Oh.

I know.

The answer is staining her chair.

"Alice." I whispered. "Alice."

She turned her head ever so slightly. "What?"

"Is that blood on your chair?" I asked, in a hushed tone. Her head snapped up and she scooted forward to glance down. Sure enough, blood was dripping down her leg. It was smeared under her skirt very obvious. The back of her skirt is stained and the chair might be too. She gasped and slid back, quickly, to conceal it.

"Relax," I murmured. "I'll handle it. Sister Friend?"

Sister Maria who, in fact, does think the hills are alive, stopped her lecture and turned around.

"Yes, Miss Swan?" She asked, quietly. She was a very mousy woman. Nothing like the _real_ Maria.

"I think I'm coming down with Epilepsy. See," I twitched a little and shook my head around. "I need to go to the nurse. Can Mary Alice escort me? I might have a deadly seizure in thr hallway and die. Plus, you know, the buddy system."

Sister Maria sighed. "I doubt you have Epilepsy, Miss Swan. But, yes, go right ahead. Take Mary Alice along."

"Thank," Twitch "You," Twitch "Sister."

Alice stood up and quickly pushed her chair in. She scurried out of the room and I followed. She ran into the bathroom and I shut and locked the door behind us. She ran into a stall and I sat on the sink.

"What the hell, Alice? Ever heard of tampons?" I asked, swinging my legs.

"I've head of them." She confirmed.

"Do you have one?" I demanded.

Silence.

"No." She finally said. I hopped off the sink and put a quarter in the machine on the wall. A very generic looking tampon came tumbling out and I tossed it over Alice's stall door. I heard the paper crinkle and then silence.

"Did you fall in?" I asked, leaning against the stall door.

"Bella?" She asked, meekly. A very non Alice thing to do. "I...I don't know how to use this."

I was stunned to say the least. I mean, tampons freaked me out when I was thirteen, but I got over it. What seventeen year old girl does not know how to use a tampon?

"Alright. Since I'm not about to hop in there and teach you, take this." I dug around in my bag of tricks for a moment and emerged with a pad from probably about four or five years ago. I kept it in there for emergencies, such as this. I tossed it over, yet again, and thankfully she knew how to use this. But, unfortunately, we still had a problem.

"I don't have any underwear on." She sounded close to tears. Oh, good lord. I dug around in my bag a little more until I found my Winnie the Pooh underwear I bought last week. Winnie the Pooh was a total pansy, but Dad wanted me to wear 'Appropriate, Not Sexy, Undergarments' How would he even know? I'd hate to even think about how he would find out...

"Take it."

She grabbed it, quickly and I heard the elastic snap as she slid them on. The wrapper crinkled and she came out a moment later, looking a lot less stressed. Uncomfortable, yes, but stress free.

"Uh, thanks, Bella. I'll return these later." She mumbled.

"Keep em'." I shrugged. "Do you mind telling me why you chose not to wear underwear today?"

She glanced up at me and turned the faucet on. "I didn't choose to. Jeremiah said I can't."

"Jerry who? Who is this Jerry and why the hell did he say you can't wear underwear? And why did you _listen_?" I demanded.

"Jeremiah is my foster dad. He said that its God's rule that your period needs to flow freely. No tampons, pads, of underwear blocking its flow." She mumbled, squirting some soap in her hands.

"What kind of crack house are you living in? Alice, God doesn't care if you wear undies. I'm sure he wouldn't frown on it." I told her, gently.

"Jeremiah said that women are made to bear children and that preventing your period from flowing is stopping God's purpose for women. It's a sin." She explained, softly.

"A sin? Fuck that, Alice, that ain't a sin! Don't you have a foster Mom?" I asked, concerned.

"Yes. Her name is Gianna." She answered. turning off the water.

"How long have you been with them?" I demanded as she turned the dryer on.

"Since I was twelve." She responded.

"This isn't right." I hissed. "What other bullshit does he tell you?"

"Nothing, Bella...just...nothing." She sighed, dropping her hands to her sides. "Thanks for the help."

She started to walk out, but I put a hand on her shoulder. She winced. Oh, yeah. Something was going on there.

"Alice," I murmured. "If you ever need a place to stay....I mean, I know you don't really consider us friends, but....call me. Or, hell, just show up. Whenever, I'm always home. Where would I go? My boyfriend never leaves the living room."

She nodded, slowly. "Yeah. I'll remember that."

She opened the door with a click and before she walked all the way out she turned to look at me.

"And Bella?" I raised an eyebrow. "You are my friend. My only friend."

* * *

"Hey, Napoleon, give me some of your tots!" Bella exclaimed in a husky voice. She made me watch Napoleon Dynamite last night and she'd been calling me Napoleon all day.

"Hey, Napoleon? Do you need some chap stick? I hear, you're lips hurt real bad." Bella said in the same deep, wishy washy voice.

At that moment, Emmett (who still scared me) came over, with Rosalie reluctantly in tow. He plopped down next to Bella and Rosalie sat next to me, scoffing. She was seated across from Bella. Bella glanced at her choice of beverage and a spark lit up in her eyes.

"Are you drinking one percent because you think you're fat? Cause you're not, you could be drinking whole if you wanted." She told Rosalie.

Rosalie sputtered a little after taking a sip of her drink and glared at Bella. "I know I'm not fat. Though I can't say the same for the rest of us." She hissed, eyeing Bella.

"She's not fat." I said, instantly. I surprised myself. Usually, someone as...well, perfect as Rosalie would frighten me. But nobody insulted my girlfriend. Except, you know, her Dad. And Max. And well, herself sometimes.

"So, how did that lawsuit against McDonalds go?" Rosalie asked, almost pleasantly.

"It went splendid." Bella smirked. "So, how did the appointment at the free clinic go?"

Rosalie narrowed her eyes. "I can afford a real doctor, unlike you. My Father isn't poor. He doesn't have to pimp his daughter out."

"You're right, he just beats the shit out of her." Bella came back with, instantly. Rosalie's mouth fell open. Emmett slowly turned to look at her.

"What?" He asked in a flat voice.

"I've...I've got to." Rosalie mumbled. She picked up her purse and ran out of the cafeteria in a hurry. Emmett grabbed his chips and ran after her. Alice had her eyes wide, and her lips around a juicy juice straw. Bella was looking at the door they ran out of, regretfully.

"Rosalie is being abused?" I asked, shakily. Mama knew her father very well. He was an excellent man.

"How does she know these things?" I heard Alice whisper to herself. Bella put a comforting arm around her.

"No worries, guys. I'm sure we'll be getting a visit from Emmett tonight with all the updates. Alice, wanna spend the night?"

Alice looked a little relieved. "Sure. I'll call my...Mom, after school."

"Righto." Bella nodded. I looked between them and shook my head.

My girlfriend was really something.

* * *

The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.

Obviously that was the case. Fathers are the most influential men in girls lives. I know my Dad is my hero. I can't say the same for Alice though. Or Rosalie, for that matter.

What kind of fucked up world do we live in?

Do we really breathe the same air as these creeps that hit their little girls?

Fuck.

I'm getting to the bottom of this bucket of bullshit.

**Hello! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Thank you to everyone who rooted for me in my auditions. I got the part of Bianca in Taming of the Shrew. Hold you're applause, please. Haha. Sorry, I laugh at my own jokes. It's kind of a habit. The song at the top is Wild Rebel Rose by Martina McBride. I thought it kind of fit. So what do ya'll think about Alice and Rose? Scary, huh? Oh, and again, sorry if I offend anybody with anything I write about religion or anything. Everyone had different opinions. I'm making this stuff up. Charlie and Liz will be home next chapter! And Jasper will make an appearance.**

**Review!**


	14. Stupid Reindeer Song

_**Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer  
had a very shiny nose.  
And if you ever saw him,  
you would even say it glows.**_

All of the other reindeer  
used to laugh and call him names.  
They never let poor Rudolph  
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve  
Santa came to say:  
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,  
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him  
as they shouted out with glee,  
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,  
you'll go down in history! 

"Bella, they're home!" I called, excitedly up the stairs. I was thrilled that they were home, I had missed Mama a lot. But I was also dreading them walking through the door. I felt like they were never going to leave again. That was an extremely depressing idea.

"You're mom's home!" She yelled back. What? Wasn't that what I just said.

"Yes, I know she is. I just told you that." I said back.

"You're mom just told you that!" She exclaimed, coming down the stairs. She had some kind of bowl in her hands. What the devil was that flaky black substance?

"Bella, are you alright, love?" I asked, concerned. "Bella, is that a bowl of ashes?"

"Love? Ooo, Eddie and Bellie, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Bella sang, skipping over to me.

"There better not be any kissing going on!" A voice thundered.

I spun around. Charlie was standing there with his arms crossed. His luggage was at his feet. Bella look horrified.

"Edward!" She cried, stamping her foot. "You ruined it!"

She mumbled to herself a bit, and ran to close the front door. Charlie sighed and muttered something about drugs and sex and the legal drinking age.

"No, no, wait! There might still be a chance. Edward, get in the closet!" She ordered me.

"What?" But it was no use. She was already pushing me into the nearest closet and locking the door. "Bella!"

"Relax, Red! You'll survive. Just shut up and stay in the closet!" She growled. I heard the front door open and a loud, perky shriek.

"Oh, Bella! It's so good to be home!" Mama sighed.

There was sniffling. There was some shuffling of feet and some gasps for breath. Was Bella crying? What in God's name was my girl doing? I smiled. She w_as_ my girl, after all.

"Bella? Darling? What in the heavens is wrong?" Mama asked, worriedly. "Where's Eddie?"

"Liz, I'm so sorry. We tried to save him, we really did. But it was too late." Bella sniffled.

"Too late? Young lady, what is going on?" She demanded.

"Its Edward. There was...there...there was an accident." Bella sobbed. She was an amazing actor. I'm signing her up for Drama Club on Monday. After school activities are good for her college application.

"An accident? What kind of accident?" Mama asked, frantically. I heard Bella let out a heartbreaking cry. There was some deeper, weepy murmuring. Was Charlie actually going along with this blasphemy?

"There was a fire. Edward...he, he...was cleaning the counter with the Clorox...its real flammable...and, and...the candle fell. His sleeve was first...and then his whole arm and chest...it spread to his legs...and before we could do anything...he was gone." Bella cried.

I heard Mama gasp. I heard the bowl drop. There was silence and gentle weeping when I heard...

I heard laughter?

"Holy fucking hell! Hello, Drama Club! I could go to Broadway with my mad skills!" Bella chuckled.

Mama burst into tears. "You're laughing? My son is dead and you're laughing?"

"Liz, simmer down. Red is in the closet. There was no fire. He's fine." Bella sighed. I heard a frantic click of heels and the door slammed open. Mama stood there in a flurry of tears.

"Oh, Eddie!" She exclaimed. She pulled me in very tightly and squeezed. "You're alive!"

"Alive like the fucking wind!" Bella said, annoyed. "Daddy, what did you bring me?"

"Bring you? You just told a big fib and told me my son was dead and you expect us to reward you? You have a mommy dot on you're forehead! Go to your room, young lady." Mama screeched.

"What, what the hell is a mommy dot?" Bella demanded, bewildered. "And newsflash, lady, I don't have a mommy. And you don't have the power to send me to my room. Only this good guy right here does."

Charlie looked around, shiftily. He looked nervous. You could practically see the devil on his shoulder. Wife or daughter, wife or daughter? He looked at Bella finally and sighed.

"Lizzie, it was harmless joke. The kid is fine! No sweat." Charlie shrugged. He seemed to be going out on the farthest limb here. "Now, we can either be mad about it, or we can have some nice family time and tell them about our trip."

Mama glared at Charlie and let go of me, reluctantly. "This isn't over, Charles." She hissed as she walked away.

Charlie smacked Bella on the back of the head. "I'm officially disowning you. Pack up your shit! You're going to foster care."

"You're word against mine. I can bring on the tears faster than you can say 'Screwed!' Plus, I have social services on speed dial." Bella chirped.

"Why the hell do you have social services on your phone? I've never hit you." He argued.

"You're right, you haven't. But, Daddy, we've lived with some scary people. You never know when you're going to need it. 911 is second in command." She shrugged.

"Good thinking." He murmured. "I'm guessing you added 911 during our ghetto time slot?"

"Ah, you are very wise, grasshopper." Bella grinned. "Social services was added when we rode around with the bikers."

"Oh, yeah! Big Jimmy. I never did like the way he looked at you." Charlie agreed, shaking his head.

"Lemme tell you, Big Jimmy had a brother named Big Johnson. If you know what I mean." She nudged me, suggestively. I knew right off the bat she was talking about his penis. Bella got very angry when I used the word penis. She said it was creepy. But I was very disturbed when she called my penis a cock. A cock is a chicken. Not my male anatomy.

"How the hell do you know that?" Charlie demanded. "You were what? Eleven?"

"He used to flash those girls in the bars. He flashed me a couple times too. Well, actually he just yanked it on out in my direction. It could have been for you." Bella told him.

"Do they make condoms for your eyes?" Charlie sighed, sitting down on the couch. He ruffled through a duffel bag and pulled out two shopping bags.

"They're called eyelids." Bella nodded, sitting on the floor in front of him. I just stood, awkwardly.

"Alright, alright. For my darling daughter, I have brought a snow globe. See, it says, 'Welcome to the Islands'." He tossed it to her.

"Funny, seeing as how I never went to said Islands." Bella smirked.

"Hardy har har. For little man, I brought you a very special present. You seem like the kind of kid that would be nervous opening what I gave you in front of us, so we'll close our eyes. Bella, come here, I don't trust you." Charlie ordered. Bella grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, annoyed.

I took the bag, uncertainly. I peered inside and pulled out a semi small box. It had some kind of Spanish/Dominican whatever label on it. I looked closely at the picture. Was that......Was that a condom?

"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year." Charlie said, gruffly. "My girl better not be seeing your joystick any time soon. Covered _or_ uncut."

"Yes, sir." I gulped. I tossed the box back in the bag, quickly and Bella opened her eyes, bored.

"Lemme guess? He gave you condoms?" Bella guessed.

"How did you know?" My eyes widened. Was she peeking? We learned that was a bad move in Kindergarten!

"That's been a favorite stocking stuffer of mine." Bella grinned. "Always get some use out of them."

"Bella!" I gasped at the same time Charlie yelled, "Close your legs!"

Bella shrugged. "Hey, I know how to take care of myself. I play it safe. Sometimes."

Charlie was fuming. I think my Grinch eyes grew two sizes that day. Bella laughed at my expression.

"It's always better raw." She said, lightly. She got up before Charlie could have a stroke and left the room.

"Raw ain't in your future, buddy." Charlie warned me. "Neither is cooked or medium rare."

"Yes, sir. Again, yes, sir." I stuttered. I grabbed my bag and ran down the hall and up the stairs.

* * *

"Hey, titty bopper." Emmett greeted me. I had English with him, unfortunately. He made Newton switch seats with him, so we could converse. And I ain't talking about no shoes.

"Hey, junky trunk." I responded, writing down the verb predicates on the board. "Any word on Rosa-not-so-lucky?"

He sighed. "She won't answer my calls. And I'm not about to haul my ass out to the burbs. I have to work."

"Pimp it up, home boy." I nodded.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a pimp!" He exclaimed.

"Damn straight." Alice mumbled, sliding into the seat behind us.

"What's the matter, Mary? Jasper's jazzy jizz ain't jazzy enough for you these days?" Emmett turned around in his chair, mocking her. Alice's mouth fell open and she gave me the death stare. It was an expression she used quite a lot, if I do say so myself.

"You told the bastard?" Alice growled.

"I didn't tell him, so much as I implied in his general direction." I answered, still scribbling down English shit.

"Bella, I swear, if you do not stop blabbing my business to -"

"To who?" I snorted, looking up. "Pimp daddy over here? I'm sure the hoes are really interested in your humpy frumpy fun, Shmelie."

"One of these says, you're going to drive me into a straight jacket." Alice hissed as the Nun of the day strolled on in.

"How? Will you jump out? Ooo, no, I know! We'll have an eject button, and you'll shoot out of the roof and _land_ in the jacket." I guessed. She glared at me. It made me shudder something terrible. I made the smart choice and turned my ass around.

"I love how people feel the need to stare at us all fucking day." I announced, loudly, as we sat down at lunch. People had been looking at us all fucking week, since word got about Red and I. It didn't help that we were hanging out with Puff Daddy Emmett and his pimped out girl friend, Diamond. Or Wemo Mary Alice. And not to mention, Red wasn't the coolest guy around. Christ, we're like the Breakfast Club. Just call me Molly Ringwald.

"Relax, kid. There just staring at what they can't have." Emmett sigh, popping his collar.

"Or staring at what they don't want." Alice snorted.

"Maybe they just have no lives, and want to stare at us like zoo animals all day. You want some zoo action, bitches? Moo, Quack, Naw, Snort, Bock, Bock, Cock a fucking doodle doo!" I yelled.

"That was more like a farm, Bella." Red pointed out.

"Well, moo you." I pouted. "I hate people. I want to become a shut in. Maybe Meals on Wheels will bring me some chicken."

"Meals on Wheels doesn't care about miserable old shut ins! They visit old people, right?" Alice argued.

"Fuck. I'm screwed then. Red, when I'm a shut in, will you bring me chicken?" I stuck my lip out, pleadingly. In the words of Kim Possible, I was using the puppy dog pout.

"Bella, dear, we live together. You can be a shut in at home, with us. Mama will feed you." He pointed out.

"Not is she smothers me in my sleep. I swear, she was standing over my bed last night with a knife." I shook my head, disappointed. "I think she needs some help."

"We all know who else needs help." Alice mumbled. Emmett shot her a look.

"Keep your mind off my girl. It'll block my psychic signal with her." He growled.

"That explains a lot." She snorted.

"You're one to talk! Screw this, I'm out. Sex ya later, Chicken Wing." Emmett sighed, getting up. He strolled out of the cafeteria. His 'boys' glared at us from across the room.

Ever since I approached Emmett, he'd become a little less, well, angry. He was an incredibly nice guy, he was just...hiding something. I can't explain it, but something is going on. I don't want to sound like a Mary Higgins Clark novel, but I feel some bad mojo going on. With Emmett, you never know. He's stopped wailing on Red though. That was very sudden and unexpected. I honestly never expected him to stop beating my man like an old rug. But he did, and I'm eternally grateful. I did not earn my patch for first aid in Brownies. I like Emmett. Not in the, Oh My God Let's Fuck, kind of way. But in a This Dude Is My BFFL. That's right. I called him my BFFL.

He watched me though. Like something about me made him mad. He was really playful and sweet when he wanted to be. It seems like he's more comfortable with girls. Men seem to make him angry, like he doesn't trust them. It's like he's an old bitty. An old, pissy, man hating bitty.

Yep. That sums Emmett McCarty up.

* * *

"Sup, bitch." Max grinned, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"Hello, Max." I smiled. I was watching Jeopardy, intently. Bella was in the shower. Max, Win and Ricky had just come to the door a few minutes ago. It wasn't as if I could ignore them. They're my girlfriend's best friends. It would be insanely rude and it would ruin any relationship we could build together. Max seemed perfectly comfortable next to me, and Win looked at ease. Ricky was shifting, nervously though. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. As much as I hated the idea, I expressed it anyway.

"Ricky," I started. "You can wait upstairs for Bella. She'll be out any second."

It was like a 500lb weight lifted off his shoulders. He looked at me gratefully.

"Thank you." He murmured before he shot around the corner. I heard his frantic footsteps on the stairs.

Max whistled. "You've got some balls, Chaz Finster. I wouldn't let Dicky Ricky alone with my girl."

"Shut up, Max!" Win exclaimed, throwing a pillow at him. "Ricky ain't gonna try anything. He loves Bella too much."

My head shot up. "Love?"

Win shook his head. "It's not like that. Ricky and Bella have this weird connection thing going on. It'd like there Siamese Twins."

Max snorted. "That means there stuck together, dum dum."

Win glared at him and turned back to me. "They're best friends. Something has Ricky freaking out half the fucking time, and Bella keeps him on his feet."

"It's better then keeping him on his back." Max muttered, shrugging.

"Hey, now!" Win hissed. "Boyfriend in the room."

"What do you mean by keeping him on his back?" I asked, hesitantly. I muted the Television.

Win hesitated. "Bell and Ricky have had some...relations in the past few years. Just casual, convenience relations, don't worry! They meant nothing."

Max snorted. "Yeah, all twenty seven times."

It hit me a like tidal wave. I knew Bella was more experienced then I. But I assumed she'd only lost her innocence! Not made love over and over and over...with anyone. Was my girlfriend a whore? I couldn't even picture it. Bella may be a bitter, sarcastic lady, but she was still a good person! I love her. Granted, I would relieve myself in my pants before telling her that, but still. I do. And I would happily say that any day. Whether we're at an alter, a court house or even Vegas. Though I'd prefer a chapel. Bella deserves the best.

And that's what I'm going to give her.

* * *

"It's Christmas time and wouldn't it be nice, to find a simpler way to get the best price-"

I clicked off the TV impatiently and snuggled into Edward's chest. He wrapped his arms around me, gently. I was glad he was finally realizing I liked to be touched. Well, by him anyway. He seemed more and more comfortable with me now. It was fucking refreshable.

"Christmas already?" Edward mumbled.

"Where would you be without Wal-Mart to guide you?" I grinned, turning over to his neck. He shivered.

"I'd be right here, letting you guide me." He answered, sweetly.

"Aww! That was by far the mushiest thing you've ever said to me. I'm burning up." I laughed.

"You'll have to consult the Jonas Brothers for that one." He smirked. I laughed. Tonight had been nice. I pushed aside any sarcastic comments I had saved up and concentrated on being totally here for Edward. I might be the sex guru, but I've never had a real boyfriend. We moved around so much, I never got the chance.

Sometimes I'd tell people my Dad was in the military. That's why we were always moving. Otherwise, they thought he was in the Black Market or on the run. It was embarrassing and kids are harsh. When do you think I grew this backbone. I was born with it, fool! Not really. I was a very timid little kid. The seventh grade put some ointment on those burns though. Ah, the seventh grade. You couldn't pay me a million dollars to go back there. We were in New York at the time. we'd been sloshing around from Queens to Brooklyn. We'd even scored a place in Manhattan for a while. I spent most of my middle school days in Brooklyn though. Can you tell me this? I've always wondered.

Since when are the reindeer in Rudolph from Brooklyn? Seriously. They live in the North Pole. Why do they talk like that? Anybody?

"Hey, have you heard anything about Rosalie?" Edward asked, softly.

"Naw. Listen, babe, I've seen a lot of battered girls in my day. And it's even worse when it's your Daddy. It's his job to protect you and he betrays your trust. I'm betting Rosalie Hale wouldn't give her Father up for the world." I sighed.

Little did I know…

She was doing it at that very minute.

*Important Message*

Hello everyone! Happy Friday! I wanted to let you all know that the Eddie and Bellie awards are now accepting nominations. So, please, go and nominate the story! And when voting starts, vote for it! It would make me very happy! It would also make Bella, Red and Super Dad Charlie ecstatic. Plus, you know, the Brooklyn reindeer. The song at the top is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. If you didn't know that, you've been deprived.

Review!


	15. 50 First Dates

_I'm a Sci-fi fanatic  
Mild asthmatic  
Never been to 2nd base  
But there's a whole nother me  
That you need to see  
Go check out MySpace_

Cause online I'm down in Hollywood  
I'm 6'5 and I look damn good  
I drive a Mazarati  
I'm a black belt in Karate  
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious  
I tell 'em I don't want nothing serious  
Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way  
Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online  
So much cooler online

"Holy hell." I heard Bella mutter as she rolled off the couch. I heard a loud consistent ringing. Was it the alarm? I realized a moment later it was the doorbell and got up to follow Bella. Anyone ringing the doorbell at the one in the morning was probably not our friend.

I got to the bottom of the stairs to see Bella swing the door open. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised.

Emmett was standing there in the snow, shivering. Next to him was Rosalie Hale...

Sporting a lovely black eye.

"Edward, the peddlers are peddling again!" Bella sighed.

"I know what you're thinking," Emmett sighed. "But we need a favor. A big favor."

"Whatever it is, of course. Rosalie, are you alright?" I asked, frantically.

"Hold up," Bella cut in. "What is this big favor?"

"Can Rose stay here for a few days? Her Dad is freaking her out, and look at that! She needs somewhere safe and I'm that safe place she needs." Emmett argued.

"Look, guys, I feel for you. I do. And I'm more than willing to give the girl a place to stay and shit, but I have one condition." Bella sighed.

"Bella! She's being abused!" I gasped.

"And what did I say?" She rolled her eyes. "I said I felt for her! Honestly, you're such a drama queen."

"What is the fucking condition?" Emmett demanded.

"She has to say I'm not fat." Bella hissed.

"What?" Rosalie's voice cracked. "Of course you're not fat! I just said that to piss you off. You're a twig, girl!"

"Words hurt, baby cakes. And you have to promise not to bitch to Alice anymore. She has enough shit going on, she doesn't need you to add any fuel to her fucking fire." Bella warned her.

Rosalie huffed. "Fine."

"I suppose that's all I needed. Enter at your own risk." Bella announced, turning and walking back up the stairs. I stepped back and Emmett led Rosalie into the house with an unsure expression. Almost like he wasn't sure what he'd gotten himself into. I couldn't blame him. I had a constant migraine from Bella's chatter.

"Yes, you're welcome to stay here, but please, be quiet. Our parents are asleep and my Mother-"

"-is a bitch!" Bella finished from the top of the stairs.

"What Bella said." I agreed, reluctantly. "We have plenty of extra space. Emmett, do you need to stay too?"

Rosalie clung to him, panicked. He looked torn. "I guess I can stay tonight. You know...what with the snow. Driving will be hell."

"Alright, stay as long as you'd like. I'm always ready to help...my girlfriend's friend in need." I told him, awkwardly. "There's a few guest rooms on the third floor. Take your pick, it doesn't matter. Just tiptoe, please."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Homemaker, sir." Emmett snorted. He led Rosalie up the stairs, quietly. She was sniffling, but I overlooked that. She'd had a rough night. She'd had an even rougher life.

* * *

A piercing scream woke me up. A feminine, piercing scream woke me up. Edward dove out of bed and hit the ground, running. I sighed and climbed out of bed. The floor was cold on my toes. I'd fallen asleep in his bed last night. I would have liked some hanky panky to occur in the nocturnal hours, but alas, my boyfriend is a Christian. I stumbled down the hall and down the fifty fucking flights of stairs. Good God, you'd think they had enough sense to put an elevator in. Note To Self: Get Mommy Warbucks to install an escalator. By the time I got to the bottom of the stairs I could hear the more then obnoxious voices wafting through the bottom level of the house.

"Edward Anthony Masen! What are these homeless men doing in my home!?" Liz screamed. Good Lord, was that a broom in her hand?

"I'm a woman!" Rosalie huffed. She looked a teensy bit better then she did last night. Sleep must have helped. Her golden locks seemed dull and dry, and her eyes lost all their life. But her complexion was coming back a little. She had some color in her cheeks. And I'm pretty positive Liz knew Rosalie had a pussy, but what the hell do I know?

"Edward, I will not condone this behavior! Bringing these street rats into out home! Do you know this woman? She looks far too old for you!" Liz gasped.

"Drop the broom and put your hands where I can see them." I rolled my eyes, making my presence known. "Number one, they are not street rats. They go to our, _expensive, catholic_ school. Number two, this is not a home. This is a house, that just happens to have a patchwork family residing in it. There's a big difference. And number three, Edward is not going anywhere near her heat trench. Hell, he doesn't even go near mine!"

Liz was fuming. I stepped back. Fuck, if her head blew off, I was_ not_ about to get her brain shit in my hair. You want to know what was strange though? Emmett was staring at Dad like he was God. He was so entranced and excited, I wasn't sure whether to stay confused or be worried. It was like a little boy would look at his Father. It was creepy in so many ways.

"This is unacceptable! Charles Swan, you say something to this disobedient hussy right now!" Liz shrieked.

Dad lit up. "Hey, hey! That's my kid you're calling 'hussy'!"

"Charles, honestly! If you can't control you're daughter I don't see how can handle a stable life for a family! I am not bringing a child into this mess!" She yelled.

"Fuck, now you're pregnant! Dammit, I need to get some ultra fit condoms!" Dad yelled, running a hand through his dark hair. Even after seventeen years with me, he still didn't have any grays. It was crazy.

Liz looked around, realizing there were actual human beings in the room. "We are not having this conversation here!"

"Oh, hell yeah, we are! No one calls my baby girl a hussy and lives! Sweet Jesus, I feel like a pussy just saying the word hussy!" Dad hissed.

"I am you're wife." Liz huffed.

"Wife or not, that is my baby, and I have spent seventeen years protecting her. I am not about to stop because my wife has a fucking bone to pick with her! You want to insult her? You want to _fight_ her? You're going to have to go through me, because that shit ain't happening." He ranted.

Something moist fell from my eye. Crap. I was_ crying_. I don't know how long its been since I've cried. I wiped the tears from my cheek and smiled. I already knew everything Dad was spewing, but it was incredibly touching to hear it from his mouth. It was true. People had come and gone, but at the end of the day it was always just Dad and I on the open road. I hated this sheltered life. When Edward and I get married, we are not raising our kids in this stupid trapped town. We're going somewhere pretty. Somewhere safe, but wild and free. Maybe the country or a beach. No cities, they were too crowded. I've always-

Oh, shit. Did I just say married?

* * *

"I'm really sorry, guys." I apologized to Emmett and Rosalie as I drove them out to Emmett's apartment. Apparently he lived with his Mother. No Father in the picture, that might explain Emmett's obvious hatred towards men.

"It's cool, Edwiener. No blood, no foul." Emmett shrugged.

"You're Mother was foul." Rosalie muttered.

"I'm terribly sorry, she isn't usually that sharp with people." I said, embarrassed.

Turns out, Mama is not with child. She was just using that as a subtle hint to Charlie that she wanted to have a baby. To which he refused, saying he had his hands full with the alleged hussy he had produced. This made Mama even angrier with him, which caused Bella to squeal in delight. I was angry though. Bella was not cheap or a whore. She was smart and very responsible, no matter how carefree she was. And Mama actually accused me of de-virginizing myself with Rosalie! I shuddered at the thought! To go anywhere near where Emmett's manhood had been was vomit educing. I looked in the mirror at Rosalie. She really needed to put some ointment on those cuts. And she needed something cold for her eye. Her lip was busted, but they were still full and a soft, alluring shade of red. Perhaps blood?

We pulled up to Emmett's apartment building, per his instruction. It looked to be nothing more than a sleazy motel. Rosalie was looking very uncomfortable but she grabbed the key and opened the door. She gave me a quick thanks, and ran straight into their room. Number 7.

Emmett sighed. "Really, kid, thanks. It means a lot. And tell Bella thanks too. I know her and Rosie aren't the best of friends."

"She was perfectly fine with it." I assured him.

Emmett nodded, a bit distracted.

"Is everything alright?" I asked.

Emmett hedged. "Whats the story with that Charlie Swan guy?"

I shrugged. 'Nothing really. He got Bella's mother pregnant when he was sixteen. Her Mother left them and him and Bella went from state to state looking for work. He raised Bella by himself, I believe."

Emmett looked unsure. "Does Bella know anything about her Mom?"

"Her name is Renee, I think. Bella says she was a drug abuser." I told him, uncertainly. "It's really not my place."

Emmett smiled. "Dead on..."

"Pardon?"

Emmett looked at me, strangely. "Thank you. For being there for her."

Before I could ask him what he meant, he was out of the car. He stuck his head through the window briefly. "Tell Bella she won't be dissapointed this year, by the way. We've got something special planned."

He twirled his keys on his finger and walked through his door. I peered in slightly. I could see Rosalie sitting on a bed. But who was that other woman on the couch?

Was that....?

Was that Bella?

No. It couldn't be. I left Bella to talk to Charlie after the fight. She couldn't have gotten here before us. And besides, this woman looked much older. Her hair was also a shade lighter. All the similarities were there though. The round face, the freckled complexion, the dark features. I caught one more glimpse before Emmett waved and shut the door.

I'm almost positive I just saw the future Bella.

"Bloody hell, this better be important, lad! I'll have your head if its not!"

"Good morning to you too, Dad." I responded.

"Good morning? Bloody fucking afternoon is more like it! I'm done, little mate! Done!" He ranted.

"There must be something in the water, I swear." I mumbled.

"Mumble at me one more time and I'm hanging up." He warned me.

"I've hardly mumbled at all. Can we talk or are you busy?" I questioned.

He sighed. "I've always got time for you. Go on. Let's gossip."

"I think I'm ready to take it to the next level with Bella. I've seen the future and I'm ready." I told him, confidently.

"Well, first, you're Mother needs to stop feeding you those vitamin pills if you think you see the future, mate. But good for you! Do you need condoms? The flavored ones are nice. My lady enjoys the lemon ones, but personally, I think they taste like dentist fluoride." He explained.

"How do you know what they taste like?" I wasn't even sure I wanted to an answer.

"That's beside the point. The lubricated ones are best." He assured me.

"Aren't all of them lubricated?" I asked, confused.

"Woops! Got to go, mate. A fine young lady just approached my desk and needs my full attention."

_"Oh, Eddie, you naughty, naughty boy...."_

I quickly hit end. God knows where that was leading.

* * *

"Oh, Eddie, you naughty, naughty boy!" I laughed, mimicking what Edward just frantically told me.

"It's not funny, Bella! My Father is going to catch AIDS!" He said, panicked.

"You don't catch AIDS, hon. You _get _AIDS." I corrected him.

"It's the same thing!" He sighed. "Hey, did you just call me hon?"

"Don't get too used to it." I rolled my eyes. "Why did you call your Dad in the first place?"

Oh no. I knew this was next. I cleared my throat, awkwardly.

"Well, Bella, you see...you've expressed interest in me...sexually before and...I was just wondering...of you were ready to-"

That was the key. I jumped on his lap and attacked him with my mouth. His tongue tasted like spearmint and he smelled so good. I ran my fingers through his hair and wiggled my hips a little as I moved my mouth. I wanted him to know how ready I really was. Our tongues were fighting for dominance and I let him win. It would be nice one day to let him dominate me. Oh, the fun we were now going to have! I almost shrieked in delight at the thought. I didn't sleep around, but I had been well around the world of sex. Role playing was not my style, but I had done it before with really persistent guys. They always wanted me to be submissive, but I hated other people having control. I was a dominant all the way.

Edward broke away, panting. "I take that as a yes."

"Oh yes, yes, all the way! Quick, I have condoms in my closet!" I cheered, running to go get them. Edward grabbed my arm. His face was beet red.

"Bella, I do want to be sexually active with you. But I want to get closer emotionally first. How would you feel about going on a date with me? I mean, we kind of just dove into this." He offered.

I thought about it. I could handle a date with Edward. Mickey D's anyone?

* * *

"I can't believe we're here." Bella grumbled as we climbed out of the car. I opened the door for he and she grimaced. I had picked La Bella Italia, the nicest Restraunt in the Seattle area. I wanted the best for Bella. I was appalled when she suggested McDonalds. I was even more disghusted when she suggested Roy Rogers! That food was so fattening. I knew the chef here, he's a friend of Mama's. He made everything healthy, but delicious at the same time.

"You'll love it, I promise." I assured her.

"I feel the cash slipping from our fingertips. Come back cash! Please, come back!" Bella cried as we walked into the Restraunt. A few people turned to stare at her, annoyed. She stuck her tongue out at them and they turned back around, even more annoyed.

"Bella, please. You promised we'd have a nice evening with no complaining." I reminded her.

"I know, I know." She muttered.

An perky young hostess approached us. Her lips were going to split if she smiled any wider.

"Good evening, folks! Please come with me." She led us to a small booth in the corner, happily. "You're waitress will be with you any minute.

"Oh joy." Bella grinned.

I sighed. This was going to be a long, long night.

**Hello, everyone! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah or happy whatever other holidays there are in December. It's a Merry Christmas for me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, there will be more to come soon. I would probably extend it, but I'm tired and alas, I haven't updated in quite awhile. I could not live with myself if I led you on one more day without an update. *Dramatic Sigh* Anyway, the song at the top is Online by Brad Paisley. Just thought it fit Edward nicely. **

**Review!**


	16. Summer Lovin, huh?

_Summer lovin' had me a blast  
Summer lovin' happened so fast  
I met a girl crazy for me  
Met a boy cute as can be  
Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights  
Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Did you get very far?  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Like does he have a car?  
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh_

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
_

"You gave me food poisoning." I groaned in to the toilet. Edward was holding my hair back as I puked up what was left of my stomach. He was shaking, obviously not used to bodily things like this.

"I'm so sorry, Bella!" He gasped. "We'll sue the place!"

I rolled my eyes. I hacked up another few chunks of linguini and coughed. "Shut up, Edward."

He complied and I flushed the toilet with the hand that wasn't wiping my mouth off. I got up to wash my hands and Edward hovered behind me, nervously. It was irritating. I rinsed my hands off witht he fruity smelling soap and gagged. The smell was making me sick.

"So much for a romantic evening." I muttered.

"Bella, how can I ever make it up to you?" Edward pleaded, softly.

"Never take me out to eat again." I growled, stumbling out in to the hallway. It was only nine o'clock. We'd gotten through the door and I bolted up the stairs to the nearest bathroom. Edward had followed me in a blind panic. Liz and Dad would be home any minute and I couldn't wait to tell Liz I threw up in her potted plant on the way to the potty.

"Do you need anything? Ginger Ale? Chicken Soup?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Perhaps some Midol?"

I rocked my head around and gave him a look. "Midol? Trust me, dollface, you'll know when I need Midol."

"Would you like some Aspirin? I think we have some Motrin." He offered, shifting feet as I squirted some of that nasty ass toothpaste in my mouth. I gagged when the puke and the spearmint clashed. It was almost as bad as toothpaste and orange juice.

"Why don't you dig through your purse and find me some Pepto?" I glared at him, pulling the toothbrush out of my mouth after brushing it over my teeth, thoroughly. I wanted this taste out of my mouth right fucking now.

He blushed and left the room, awkwardly. I felt the teensiest bit bad. He was only trying to help after all. He must feel awful for getting me sick like that. I'm still pissed though that he isn't vomiting too. It was not fair in the least. I tossed my tooth brush in the sink, enjoying the thought of Liz finding it and choking on her own disgust. I heard Red rummaging around in the kitchen and I jogged down to find him going through cabinets, eagerly. There must have been five hundred prescription bottles in there. I cleared my throat and Edward turned around.

"Brittany, baby, why are you popping so many pills?" I raised an eyebrow. He looked sheepish.

"They're Mama's. She doesn't like to waste the bottles so she fills them with home remedies she makes." He explained, quietly. I peered at one of the labels. Anti Anxiety? Seems to fit her well.

"We're home!" A loud, annoying voice sang. It hurt my ears and I cringed when I heard her incessant heels clicking on the marble floor. "I trust my son is alive and well?"

"Fuck you." I muttered. I was actually a tiny bit afraid to say it loudly. You never know who Dad is going to turn on. Someone flicked me on the back of the ear and I spun around to see Dad standing there with my favorite remedy, blue jell-O. I looked between him and Edward, confused.

"The kid called and said you were sick." Dad told me, tossing the box on the counter. "Go get in your bed. I'll be up in a little bit with it."

I sighed and leaned over to kiss his cheek. He rubbed my back with one hand and lightly pushed me in the direction of the stairs. I took Edward's hand and guided him with me, thinking about how lucky I was to have a boyfriend as sweet as him. He took the lead when we got to the top of the stairs and he opened my door for me, slowly. He lead me into my room and closed his eyes, like a little boy, when I shed my pants. I climbed into bed with my man and curled up beside him.

"You knew I only eat blue jell-O when I'm sick." I mused out loud. "You really listen, huh?"

"I listen to everything you say, Bella." He murmured, smoothing back my hair. It was such a loving innocent gesture, it made me want to cry. Things had never been this emotional with me. Dad never gave me a reason to cry before so I had never really been one for tears. But all of this drama and feeling rushing around the house made me want to burst. And so, not thinking about my approaching Father or my uptight Stepmom or my skittish boyfriend, I whispered something I should have whispered a long time ago.

"I love you, Edward Masen."

* * *

"Oh, the candy man can!" I heard Bella singing in the living room. The vacuum was on, but I could still hear Bella clear as day from across the house. I told her we had a cleaning crew come in every other weekend, but she refused to listen. She claimed it gave her something to do. She had been feeling better since Friday night and I was relieved. I would have to have a serious talk with the Chef at that restaurant soon. Bella was violently ill because of his atrocious food.

It had been an amazing weekend so far. Bella had told me she loved me on Friday night, but I think it might have been the Pepto talking, because she hadn't said anything else about it since. She was so sweet, lying there asleep, and I basked in her beauty until Charlie came up with her jell-O. Honestly, it had just been a heartfelt weekend. Charlie had pulled me from the room while Bella rested and given me a serious talk.

*********

"_Hey, lover boy." I heard Charlie whisper from the doorway. "Get over here."_

_I scrambled from the bed, careful not to wake Bella. I followed Charlie from her room into my study. He locked the door and turned to me, arms crossed over his chest. It was frightening how intimidating he looked. I suppose when you have a daughter as beautiful as Bella, you had to learn to scare the boys away. They were a good looking family actually. Charlie was very handsome as far I could say and Bella was cherished to many young men, including me. And whom I'm assuming was her Mother. She was a pretty lady as well, though I hadn't said anything to Bell about it._

"_Me and you need to chat." He huffed. "Wait, scratch that, we're talking. Chatting sounds too fruity for my looms." _

"_What would you like to talk about?" I asked, trying to be cool._

"_I'm going to get right to the point. I am the lion, Bella is my cub. If you mess with my cub, I'll tear you to shreds. I don't care if Liz is your Mom and I don't care if you have money. Bella is a baby and she doesn't need any lowlifes sniffing around her cradle. Are you a lowlife, Casanova?"_

"_No, no sir." I stuttered. "I respect Bella completely and totally. I would never let anything happen to her. That I can promise you."_

_Charlie nodded, looking unsure. "You seem like a good kid, Ed, really you do. But you can never be too sure. Every boy out there is a predator and Bella is their prey. Are you looking to hunt her?"_

"_No! I've told you. We're together, Bella and I. It's innocent, I swear." I told him, frantically._

_He gave me a short nod. "I saw how upset you were when Liz called Bella a slut. Don't worry, we worked it out and your Mom agreed to apologize to her if Bella apologizes about the locking you in a closet and showing her paper towel ashes."_

"_That's good…that's really good." I shifted feet, impatiently. I wanted to get back to Bella!_

_He sighed. "You're too jumpy to be a threat. Alright. You pass the test, jitter bug. But keep in mind, my eyes are always on you, Sugar Daddy. And by the way, is the sugar is replaced with baby anytime soon, your ass is mine."_

_And with that, he opened and slammed the door in one quick swing._

_************_

Bella Swan is crazy, but I've decided that I love her. It feels like I'm making such a casual decision, like what to have for breakfast this morning. But I was just so sure. She made me so happy, without even knowing it. This seems so fake, like I don't even have to make the decision, but I don't. It's there, in my mind, waiting for me to announce.

"Eddie, sweetheart, what is that God awful noise coming from the living room?" Mama asked, her eyes wide and horrified.

"That would be Bella, accompanied by the ever popular Hoover." I answered. I smiled to myself. Before Bella, I would never have thought of something so clever.

"Why on Earth is she cleaning? We have a maid." Mama mumbled, disgusted. She peered out into the living room and shuddered. "That girl needs to screw her head on straight, by golly."

"I think her head is on beautifully." I murmured. Mama squirmed and her face scrunched up, the way it does when she had something to tell me.

"Edward, darling," She sighed. Bingo. "I really don't feel comfortable with you and Isabella…being so friendly. I mean, you're so young and impressionable, I wouldn't want her re-wiring your head. Why don't you find a nice, wholesome girl at school? Hmm? That Prissy Simmons seems like a lovely choice."

"Prissy Simmons, Mom? Really?" I turned around, outraged. She looked very taken back.

"You called me Mom." She whispered. "You've _always_ called me Mama. Edward Anthony, what is going on with you?"

I nearly pulled all my hair out. Every last strand would fly from my scalp and land on her polished tile floor, only to be vacuumed up by Bella's God damn Hoover! "Nothing is going on with me! It's you, it's all you! You're smothering me! Smothering! Bella is perfect in every way and you're messing it all up!"

I stomped away as she opened her mouth to respond. Whatever it was, it would have made me angrier.

* * *

"Daddy?"

He turned to look at me, muting the TV. He knew this voice. "Yeah, sweets?"

I curled up next to him on the couch. "Thank you."

He brushed my hair back. I heard Edward and Liz in the kitchen, but I figured it would be best to give them space. Edward needed to talk to her just as much as I needed to talk to my Dad. "For what?"

"For everything you've ever done for me. And for standing up to Liz the other day. I know how hard that was for you. She is your wife, after all. She probably bitched your balls off about it, huh?"

He sighed, pulling me closer. "I'd defend you in front of God himself, Bella. Liz is my wife, yes, but you're my kid. And you come first."

"So…you're okay with the Edward and I?" I checked, hopefully. He sighed.

"I wouldn't say okay, exactly, but I'm not as furious as Lizzie. You're almost an adult and you need to make your own decisions. As much as I'd love to have you live at home forever, you need to make your own choices. Liz wants Edward to stay her little boy." He explained. "But yes, she is royally pissed at me."

"Sorry about that. Rose needed help and what was the harm in giving her a place to stay-"

"Liz is Liz. She's judgmental. She saw the girl with a black eye and figured she was roughed up prostitute. It's just how she is. Downtown Seattle isn't the friendliest of places, sweets." He told me.

"I know, I know. But still, Rosalie was in trouble. She needed help." I sighed.

"And I applaud the sudden burst of sympathy, Bee. You're a good kid." He chuckled, happily. I stayed silent for a moment before remembering my favorite quote of all time. I thought it fit this moment pretty well.

"You know, the only man a girl can depend on is her Daddy." I reminded him, grinning. I felt like we were on a hallmark commercial and that in a minute, the snow would start to fall through the window behind us and the tingly fucking affects would play.

"Frenchy sure knew what she was talking about." He sighed, kissing my forehead.

Liz might be a bitch, and Edward might be a pansy. But Dad would always be Dad and that was entirely too comforting. Last month, I would have been perfectly comfortable packing up the truck and driving out to the middle of nowhere, just Dad and I. But today, I was happy. Edward was the in between I'd always needed and things felt good.

That was the scary part.

* * *

"Pants on the ground! Pant's on the ground! Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground!" Bella rapped on our way to lunch that day. She had been holding my hand all day, silently announcing our relationship. Everyone had their own suspicions, but this was the truth. I, Edward Masen, took Bee Swan to be my lawfully beautiful girlfriend, to have and to hold in sickness and in health.

But I really wished she would stop rapping.

"Sweetheart, do you think you could maybe stop singing for just a few minutes? I think my ears are bleeding." I asked her, politely. She looked at me in horror.

"You assfuck! I am an excellent rapper! Screw you! I'm going to go cut my wrists in the bathroom." She gasped, storming off towards the lunchroom. I didn't think I should be worried. No, she would never do such a thing. I shook my head as I continued at my normal pace to lunch. Things had been relatively quiet lately. Ever since word got out that Bella was my Stepsister, kids had pretty much forgotten about me. I wasn't a target, because everyone knew Bella would kick derriere. Pardon my French, please.

I made it to the café to find Alice and Bella sitting at our table, smack dab in the middle of the lunch room. Alice was prattling on about something, seemingly much more comfortable with Bella these days. Bella was listening and scoffing. She waved me over when she saw me hovering around the door. She rolled her eyes and said something to Alice who tittered, softly. She shook her head, revealing a set of small white teeth. They were very small teeth actually, almost like baby teeth.

"It's big, Bella. I mean, it's colossal." Alice hissed, quietly. Was she talking about a mountain, perhaps? I loved geography.

"You know, Mt. Everest is the largest mountain in the world, standing at 29,028 feet tall." I offered, pulling my bologna sandwich from my bag. Bella looked at Alice, who was giving me an amused look. I was very proud of her, coming out of her shell.

"That's a good comparison, sweet cheeks. High five." Bella nodded, holding up her hands. I slapped them gently, not wanting to be rough with her. She was delicate, she needed t be worshipped like the goddess that she was. I took a sip of milk, satisfied with my physical contact with her. "Red's dick is like Mt. Everest."

I spit out my milk right as Emmett walked over. I ended up spitting my milk all over his crotch, and he jumped back at the damp feeling. Rosalie snickered behind him. I glanced at her, and smiled when I saw her eye was doing much better. It took a lot of courage to come to school with a bruised face. She deserved a gold star.

"You little motherfucker! These are my only pants." He groaned, sitting down. He grabbed the hem of Bella's skirt and rubbed it on his crotch. I wasn't entirely comfortable with it, but I relaxed some when Bella yanked a small curl spiraling from his head. He winced and turned to grab Rosalie's skirt, who gave him a horrid glare. He grunted and slammed his hands down on the table.

"Red, take your pants off and let Emmett use them to clean his monkey." Bella ordered me.

"Or spank it." Rosalie muttered. Emmett was spanking his penis? What could that possibly mean?

"Bella, no matter how much I love you, I refuse to remove my pants in front of all these people." I hissed in her ear. She gave me a loving look and kissed me quickly on the lips when I told her I loved her. Even Bella had a soft side. But she turned quickly back to regular Bella and rolled her eyes.

"First of all, you refuse to drop your pants at all, lover boy. And besides, it's a win-win situation! Emmett's wood is dried up, which saves Rosalie the search for her panties, and I can show Alice your mountain cock." She explained. Emmett raised an eyebrow, apprehensively.

"Weenie licker over here does not have a mountain cock. You want a mountain cock? Rosalie will tell you some impressive tales, my little friends." He winked at Rosalie and she mouthed something angrily at him. He rolled his eyes and grabbed Bella's Twinkie out of her hand, before I had time to be offended about the mountain cock thing.

"How do you know what his cock looks like? Is that what you guys were doing in the bathroom last week?" Bella snorted, holding back her laughter. I blushed bright red and held back my anger. Emmett has never touched my penis, nor has he ever licked it! Not once in all my years. Bella saw my discomfort and took pity on me, despairingly.

"Alright, alright, sweet cock, we'll stop discussing your little boy parts. But I'm still lobbying for some healthy exploration later on tonight. Your Mommy can watch." Bella winked, sending shivers down my spine. But, there was still the horrid little detail she snuck in at the end.

"Bella, please? My Mother is not a sex offendor, nor a pervert." I snapped, annoyed with her antics today. I was just so tired. I laid my head down on the table and sighed. I felt a hand go through my hair and I sincerely hoped it was not Emmett's. It was silent for a small moment, when something dawned on me.

"Alice, why were you talking about my genitals?"

* * *

"What is the matter with you?" Bella asked once we were in the car. She tucked a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear and gave me a questioning look. She had orange feathers tucked in her hair I had the sudden urge to rip them out.

"Nothing." I said, softly. I refused to argue with her. It would make things all the more complicated.

"Fuck, Red, if you don't tell me I can't help." She groaned, knocking her head against the window.

"You can help by keeping quiet, Bella." I said through clenched teeth.

"What do you mean 'keep quiet'? God, you're acting like such a mofo." She muttered, crossing her arms.

"Well, not all of us are capable of having such a happy go lucky parental figure, Isabella. We aren't all blessed with the gift of Charlie Swan." I growled, finally. She looked confused.

"Is this about Liz giving you shit? Edward, calm down! She's just trying to get in your head." She huffed, obnoxiously.

I slammed my hand down on the horn. I'd never had these frustrated feelings before. "She's my Mother! Of course she's getting in my head!"

We pulled up in front of the house and Bella got out, angrily. She slammed the door and stomped into the house, the leather on her high tops pattering on the drive way. I sighed and leaned my head against the wheel. I really needed to talk to my Father. His presence was desperately needed in the U.S.

* * *

**Hola, chicas! I hope life is treating you all well, and I hope you enjoy the update. It's short, I'm aware, but I'm kind of in a hurry. I honestly feel like this isn't the best of my writing, but bear with me, I have horrible writing block. Read and review! We have 190 reviews write now! Can we bump it up to two hundred at the very least, guys? The Eddie and Bellie awards will be announcing nominations sometime this week, so cross your fingers and hope The Downers makes it through. **

**Review!**


	17. Drunk Girl

_I kissed a drunk girl  
I kissed a drunk girl, yes I did  
Kissed a drunk girl on the lips  
I let my guard down  
How could I have been so dumb  
Her eyes were open  
I know I am not the one  
I know I am not the one  
I know I am not the one_

"Ricky." I sniffled into the phone. "I'm in need of some Vodka. Know a good place to get some?"

I heard him sigh on the other side. "Not now, Bella. This is a bad time."

"Ricky, my heart is breaking! I need your full attention." I huffed, wiping my nose.

"You can't always get everything you want, Bella." He snapped. I heard the dial tone and felt a small tear roll down my cheek.

I never cried. I was so unemotional, Spencer Reid would pin me for a sociopath. But I just couldn't fight with Red. He was my boy, my pansy ass motherfucking boyfriend and I loved him. I didn't understand why he was so mad. Liz was a bitch, but c'mon, shouldn't he be used to it by now? I hugged my pillow tightly and on a whim, I pulled the big box of bracelets out from under my bed. I sifted through them, gently, until I found the one I wanted. It had little sparkly harts etched on it in black and blue, with a purple band. It was one of my favorites and I slipped it on as I felt more tears fall.

Edward had no right to get so mad at me. At least he had a Mom to bitch at him. My Mom packed up the love when I was two and never came back. Liz loved Edward unconditionally and he was being a little shit by taking it out on me. He had a Dad and a Mom. Not that Dad wasn't enough for me, he was. But you have to wonder, you know? Where she was, how she was, what she was doing? How do I know my Mom isn't some dutiful housewife in California with two kids, a rich husband, a yard with a white picket fence in a cozy little neighborhood with their Golden Retriever, Buddy.

That's just it.

I didn't know.

I pushed the box out from under my bed and yanked my phone out from under my covers, where the battery was probably dying of heat stroke. I dialed the now familiar number and sniffled as it rang. Then, a low, but chirpy voice politely answered.

"Brandon residence, Mary Alice speaking." I heard Alice robotically say into the phone. I sniffed and let out a few quick breathes. I wiped away my stray tears and took a deep breath. I think Alice knew it was me, because she hummed, quietly, waiting for me to collect myself.

"Alice? We're going out tonight." I finally announced. I heard her clear her throat.

"I'm sorry, Isabella, it's a school night. I have to stay home and study." She recited, dully. I snorted.

"Don't give me that load of bullshit. It's winter break, bitch. You're crazy ass Dad is listening isn't he? Here, put him on the phone." I ordered her. She gasped and I could tell that announcement made her panic. She couldn't very well agrue with me about it. Her Dad was there.

"If you say so, Isabella." She spoke through gritted teeth. "Father, a schoolmate of mine would like to converse with you."

I laughed a little as she passed the phone to Medieval Melvin or whatever the fuck his name was. "Jeremahiah Brandon speaking. Who is this?" A gruff, yet soothing voice asked me. I mentally prepared myself. I had played this time and time again. I took a breath and launched right into it.

"Hello Mr. Brandon, this is Isabella Swan from Mary's school. I was wondering if it would be alright if she came over to study for our test in Religion next week. Do you think that would be alright?" I asked, innocently.

"Mary Alice studies better on her own, Isabella. I'm sorry, we'll have to take a rain check." He said, sighing.

"Yes, alright, sir. I just thought it would be better to run it by you first. But I suppose it's all well. I have bible study tonight anyway." I lied, feigning sadness.

"Bible study, eh? Well, maybe Mary Alice could come over for a few hours. Just to study, of course." He decided. I smirked.

"Actually, sir, I was thinking it might be better if she spent the night. With all the homework we have, it would take more than a few hours to get it done. I want to be really prepared and I'm sure Mary does as well." I explained, politely. Check and mate.

"Will there be supervision?" He demanded, harshly.

"My Father and my Mother will be here. Don't worry, sir, my Father has his belt if we get out of line." I held back my snicker as I puffed this out. It just seemed like the perfect thing to say to this crazy motherfucker.

He seemed pleased with my answer. "Alright then. Mary Alice may spend the night tonight, Isabella, as long as all you do is study. And tell your Father I applaud his fine parenting. You may pick her up in half an hour. Goodbye."

Dial tone. Boy, I sure was getting hung up on a lot today? I sighed, remembering I would probably be under full speculation tonight when I went to get Alice. I groaned as I sifted through my closet for something appropriate to wear. I would change in the car, dirty dancing style. I finally decided on a red plaid skirt I got for my fourteenth birthday from one of the showgirl's mothers. I slipped on a black turtle neck sweater and debated on whether or not to wear underwear. Jermy might frown on that. I slipped on a black thong and a pair of sensible black clogs from Liz's closet. I packed a bag with my real clothes in it that I would change into later. I packed some good clothes for Alice too, in case Jermy went off the deep end and made her wear a full body suit with a cape or something. Perhaps she would wear a bonnet as well. I snickered as I pulled out of the driveway in the big hunka hunka burning truck.

I knew where Alice's house was from the school directory and I slid into their driveway in no time. There was sign on the lawn that said 'God grew this lawn. Lucifer would have burned it.' Really? I thought it was the other way around, dipshit. I skipped up to the front door and rang the doorbell. I was surprised the hallelujah chorus didn't play when I pressed it. A few seconds later, a relatively young woman came to the door. She looked foreign, maybe Italian or Spanish. Hey, I wonder if she knew my gramps!

"Hello, you must be Isabella. Please, come in." She said, softly. Her accent was very strong. I was thinking Spain maybe. Drat! That means she doesn't know gramps! "I am Gianna, Mary Alice's mother."

"Hello, Gianna. It's very nice to meet you. You have a lovely home." I praised her. She smiled at me and lead me into a common room. There, I found Alice and some bearded warlock sifting over a cauldron. No, actually he was a warlock but he was reading passages from the bible to a group of kids. They looked horrible. Alice looked the worse.

"Ah, it seems our guest has arrived." The man spoke, finishing his passage. The children finished with an 'Amen' before turning to stare at me. "Isabella, I am Jeremiah Brandon, Mary Alice's savior."

Savior my ass. What a fruit cup.

"It's very nice to meet you, sir." The last time I called someone sir, I was tied to a bed with a dildo shoved up my ass. "I'm anxious to get to those books."

He smiled, grimly. "Yes, I'm sure you are. Mary Alice, introduce the children."

She stood up, stiffly. I noticed she was standing rather protectively near one small little girl with long black hair. It must be a sister thing, I decided.

"Isabella, this is Zachariah, Jonathon, Solomon and Kathryn. Children, this is my schoolmate, Isabella Swan. Please, say hello."

"Hello, Isabella." They chorused in hoarse little voices.

"Hello, Children of God." I said, awkwardly, shifting my feet.

"Mary Alice!" Her Father suddenly snapped. "Give me a kiss and you'll be on your way."

Alice walked slowly over to him and kissed his gray cheek, hesitantly. "Goodbye, Father. I'll be home by seven, I swear."

"Swearing is a sin, Mary Alice." He reprimanded her. "But God shall forgive you just this once."

"Sweet. Let's go. Bye, Moses!" I called as I grabbed Alice's hand and raced down the steps to my car. I wanted to get out of that scary place as soon as possible. I shoved Alice into the truck and quickly slid into the driver side.

"What kind of a fucked up Bible camp is that shit fucker running?" I demanded, shaking my head. Alice ignored me, keeping her eyes on the road we were suddenly on.

"Bella, where are we going?" Alice demanded as I drove downtown. "We're in the immediate danger zone."

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't honestly think we were studying did you?"

She shrugged. "I'll never know with you."

I smiled. That was the perfect fucking answer. "Exactly. And since you answered that so well, I'll let you in on my plan to go kidnap Emmett and Rosalie. We're going out tonight."

Alice gasped. "Bella, Jeremiah is going to kill me. We need to turn around and go to your house, because he can't catch me out tonight."

I huffed. "Copycat Jesus is not on the scene tonight, Alice, trust me. Now, please, calm down. We're having fun tonight."

She sighed. "I can't go out like this, Bella." She gestured towards her clothes. She didn't really care about how she looked, she just wanted to go home. And that was most definitely not happening.

"I have it covered. Look in the bag." I swung my head around, gesturing towards the backseat. She peered back and yanked the tote onto her lap. She dug through it , her eyes widening.

She shook her head, pushing it to her feet. "Bella, I can't wear any of that."

I scoffed. "Sure you can. You're gorgeous, Alice. If you've got it, flaunt it."

"Bella, I am not going out in public wearing tin foil and a vanilla wafer." She huffed, crossing her arms.

I gave a long sigh as we pulled up to Emmett's motel room. It was a really ratty place, but home is home. I dragged Alice out of the car, kicking and screaming. Not really. She was just protesting loudly. I banged on the door and it swung open a minute later, revealing a disheveled Rosalie wearing on of Emmett's t shirts. She looked horrified. She left the door wide open and muttered something about pants as she ran to the bathroom. Emmett was lying on a bed, grinning.

"Ladies!" He chuckled, sitting up. "I've never had a foursome before, but I suppose I can satisfy all of you. Except Bella. She's already banging Edweird. I'm not going anywhere where his cob has been."

"Shut the fuck up. We're going out tonight." I announced. "Get your ass out of bed right now."

He swung his legs over the side as Rosalie came out of the bathroom. "What did I hear about going out?"

Emmett looked puzzled. "Where's your cock sucker boyfriend?"

I shrugged. "I could care less. Tonight, we're having fun."

He still didn't look convinced. But Rosalie hopped up from the bed where she had seated herself. She quickly went into planning mode.

"Ok, I know exactly what we can do. There's this crazy club a few blocks from here. It's called Maniac. They never check ID's and the bar is completely open. It'll be great. A few of my cousins told me about it." She explained, excitedly. Emmett looked at all of us, uncertainly.

"I don't know if I want you girls hanging around there. It's full of thugs, Rosie." He warned her. She waved him off.

"We need this, Emmett." She argued.

"Yeah. It's been a shitty…all the time. Yeah, all the time it's shitty. We deserve a good time." I agreed with her. "It's healthy to let loose."

"Do your parents know your out?" He demanded, suddenly all concerned. Wasn't this the mofo that pimped out little girls and beat the shit out of snot nosed losers like Edward?

"I'm always out, baby. And Alice's keeper thinks she's in Bethlehem or something." I told him. He sighed.

"You guys really want to go there?" He finally asked, running his hands through his hair. He looked a lot like Charlie at that moment. It was eerie.

"No." Alice shook her head. "I want to go home."

I glared at her. "Well, too bad. You're taking off your goody two shoes tonight and cutting loose. God will still be there when you come back."

She scowled at me as I left to go retrieve our bag from the car. It was cold outside and I shivered as my breathe whitened around me in a huge puff. I looked around and smiled at my surroundings. This was my element. I didn't belong in a fancy house on the nice side of town. I belonged in a motel room on the wrong side of town, with my big rusty truck and my schemes. I couldn't properly scheme in that house. I grabbed my bag out of the car and went back inside, content with where I was.

"Little mate, why on Earth do I need to come out there right this very minute?" Dad sighed into the phone.

"Because, Dad, you need to talk to Mama. If you try to call her she'll just hang up. She can't hang up on you in person." I explained to him.

"Son, I'm kind of busy." He hinted at me. I knew he was in bed with a woman, but I didn't care. I pushed back my disgust and out right begged him. I didn't care if Chameleon or Crystal or whatever her bloody name was heard me.

"Dad, please, I'm begging you. This is really important. I really messed up with Bella and I need your help. She's really mad." I cringed, knowing he was going to yell.

"What do you mean she's really mad?" He exclaimed. "Are you being a pain in the arse or are you just a bloody idiot!? You don't make a girl like her mad! I've never even met her and I know that. Blimey!"

I sighed. "Dad, I know. She won't answer my calls. I yelled at her. I told her she was below me."

He gasped. "You're absolutely barmy, little mate. Fine. Fine, you know what? I'm coming to America! Bugger and blast, I'm coming to America!"

I could feel my grin growing. I heard him get up on the other end and I suddenly hear keys clicking away. "Dad, are you really booking a flight?"

"A red eye, you little bogey. And I'm brassed off about it as well. There. I'm done. I'll be there in ten hours, mate. My flightl leaves in two hours, so I'll be there by four." He sighed. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. I smirked. I knew he would say yes eventually.

"Thank you, Dad. I'll be waiting at the airport. And don't worry, I'll make something up to tell Mom." I assured him.

"_You're leaving me you bad little boy? Well, I never…" _A seductive voice said to Dad. I quickly hung up and threw my phone down on the passenger seat. I huffed. I would never in a million years think of something to tell Mom. This is what Bella was good at. And since Bella wasn't speaking to me, I needed the next best thing.

Charlie.

"They let everyone in, huh, Rose?" I asked, sarcastically as we walked down the sidewalk. "What a shitty fucking night."

"I'm sorry, okay! How was I supposed to know out of the hundreds of people there, we'd be the ones they asked for ID's from?" She huffed. "I mean, do I look seventeen? No."

I glanced at her, angrily. "You're right. You look like a forty five year old that's smoked since she was two. Very attractive, trust me."

Alice sighed, stumbling around. I had brought heels for her to wear and she wasn't quite used to them. The dress I bought her was dark green and she was wearing black pumps that looked amazing on her. She had her jacket tightly wrapped around her, shivering. You could clearly see the goose bumps on her legs. I was wearing a dark blue dress, while Rosalie was wearing red. Emmett, at some point, lost his shirt in our attempt to get in the club. He was miserable. At one point we walked by a homeless guy who offered Emmett his coat in exchange for one of his hoes. Hi, I'm Bella, and I'm one of those hoes.

"This is shit, man." Emmett growled as we came to a bar. "It's official. I am getting seriously fucked up tonight."

"Amen to that!" I called, running into the bar. Emmett followed behind me with his hand wrapped around Rosalie. Alice and I looked like lesbians holding hands the way we were. I dropped her hand when we entered the warmth of the bar. Emmett went right up to the bar and asked for a round of Tequila shots. I sighed in relief as we sat down at a table. This was 'The Drinking Hole', the only bar in town that served minors. Max's sleazy Uncle Kenny owned the place, so usually our drinks were free. I saw him coming out of the back counting bills as we settled in.

"Bella, baby! How are you, girlie? Is my spineless little nephew in the shit bucket or something?" He demanded, looking around.

"Nah. I'm not with Maxi tonight. These are my friends, Al, Em and Rose." I abbreviated their names for good reasons, trust me.

"Howdy, kids. I got to go, Bella, but enjoy your drinks. Hey, Marcus! Their drinks are on the house, man!" He called to bartender, eagerly. "Bye, kid."

"Bye, Kenny!" I called as he left the bar.

"You have connections at an underage bar? I'm not surprised." Rosalie snorted. I gave her the finger and I walked over to Marcus, sliding on to the stool in front of him. My mounds were looking especially delicious tonight and if I showed them off, he gave me the good stuff.

"We need a round of shots, Marc." I winked at him. "Tequila preferably."

"You got it, sweet cheeks." He gave me a wink and a sloppy smile before reaching under the bar for the bottle. I skipped back to our table and found Rosalie running her hands through Alice's mullet.

"Is this some kind of weird lesbian thing or are you just a serious fuck wad?" I demanded. She rolled her eyes and parted her lips slightly while she tried to do something with her hair.

"I'm trying to fix this hot mess of a head she's sporting. I can't be seen with her if she looks like this." Rosalie muttered, fluffing it out. She then reached into her purse, pulling out a tiny can of hairspray. She fluffed Alice's hair out a little more before spraying the concoction of Earth polluting chemicals in her hair. She tweaked it a little more before finally pulling away. Alice's hair stood in tiny little spikes, framing her elfin face perfectly.

Emmett whistled as Marcus came over, creepily smiling at me. He set the shots on the table before winking at me. I nodded, awkwardly as Emmett quickly grabbed a shot glass and downed it.

I chuckled. "Don't bother with the lime or anything, right?"

He shook his head, offering Rosalie a shot. She downed it just like him, skipping the lime and the salt altogether. I shrugged before taking one myself. Alice frowned in distaste. I shoved one towards her.

"Drink it, you homophobic little Jesus freak. It'll have you licking titty's in no time." Emmett told her, forcefully. She sniffed it, crinkling her nose. I laughed as she sipped it before sticking her tongue out in a disgusted motion.

"Suck it up, love muffin." I gulped down another one, already feeling the affects. "I'm surprised you aren't already familiar with the wonder of Don Julio. I would be if I lived with that crazy douche bag."

Alice thought it over for a moment before surprising all of us and shooting it back, quickly. She made a face at the burn and opened her mouth like she was going to say something. But then she shocked us even more by calling Marcus over for refills.

I never actually thought I'd use this number, but I sure am glad I had it. I rang Charlie a few minutes ago and he was irritated to say the least. I saw him storm out of the house and over to my car in a dramatic stance. He got in and slammed the door. I winced, hoping he didn't wake Mama or anything.

"What the hell do you want?" He harshly whispered.

"I need you to cover for me." I whispered, even though we were in the privacy of my own car.

"Cover for you? Hey, where's my kid?" He demanded, glancing in the backseat. "She ain't in the trunk is she?"

I shook my head. "We got in a fight, I don't know where she is. But I need you to make up something to tell Mama for me. I have to pick my Dad up from the airport at four in the morning and I don't want her to know I'm out this late."

"It's ten thirty, kid! What the hell, do you still have a bedtime?" He demanded, almost laughing at the thought. I stayed silent. He then groaned. "What did you say about your Dad?"

"He's coming to visit and Mama doesn't know. I need you to cover for me so I don't get in trouble, okay?" I pleaded. "I'm going to try to find Bella before I go to the airport by the way."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't bother. She'll come stumbling through the front door, piss drunk, at three in the morning exactly, confused and angry. It's better you aren't around to witness that if you guys are in a fight. She might kill you."

I gulped. "Alright. But you'll make something up?"

He huffed. "You're at a study group for your enviormental studies group. It was dark and the roads looked bad, so you stayed the night at a good, sensible friends house. He got sick, so you took your chances and drove home. Your Dad was hitchhiking because he has AIDS and you picked him up for a quick fuck in the backseat. Done?"

I nodded, pleased with his quick explanation. "I'll do without the molestation, thank you."

He shrugged. "Whatever fries your bologna, hotshot. I'm going to bed, so don't fucking call me again."

He got out of the car and went back into the house, tiredly. He tripped over the first step and I wondered then if he had been drinking too. Something then struck me. I wished I had my phone so I could go on and post this serious question.

Would a drunken Bella Swan really kill me?

____________________________________________________________________________________

I stumbled over the threshold, giggling at the spinning room. Alice was holding on to my hands, snickering and puking every few minutes. This Church monkey really couldn't hold her liquor, if you ask me. It was around four when we got kicked out of the bar finally. Emmett couldn't drive, so Rosalie lifted up her dress and got us a cab. Not to mention, Emmett suddenly had no idea where they lived, so we just had them dropped off at my house. Emmett burped loudly, causing me to burst out laughing.

"Shut up, y-you g-guys." Rosalie sobbed, falling to the floor. I quickly learned that Rosalie was a very sad drink, while Alice was kind of an angry one. We were apparently a disturbance, so Marcus threw us out after nineteen ineffective warnings. It didn't matter though. Dad would shoot me no matter what time I came home.

The lights flickered on and I saw Dad at the bottom of the steps, looking worried. "What the fuck? Bella, how drunk are you?"

"Daddy! Daddy's here! Daddy's here!" I flung myself into his arms, and he stumbled back at the impact. It was funny and I snorted, which caused Emmett to fart loudly. That made Rosalie cry harder and Alice yell louder. Dad ran a hand through his hair and groaned when he head soft footsteps on the stairs.

"Oh my god!" A dainty British voice gasped. "Charlie, they're intoxicated!"

"Intoxicated, my ass. These kids are seriously fucked up, babe. Go back to bed." He grunted, pushing her lightly back up the stairs. I hiccupped and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Yeah, L-liz, go to bed! You need your beauty sleep, corn fucker." I stuttered, falling forward a little. Liz gave me the eye and I turned around to bend over. I was about to fall on my face while I tried to pull my panties down, but strong hands pulled me back up. I expected to see a bumbling Dad, but instead there was a lanky British man with a goatee. I almost missed Edward standing in the doorway with his hand over his eyes, but before I could yell at him, Alice smashed a picture frame with her bare hands. Edward then went to help her, but she hit her with her glass shard paws. He stayed away, being the smart motherfucker that he was. I wanted to spit in his eye.

"Oh no! An alien!" I cried, turning my attention back to the big guy. I completely forgot what I was thinking a minute ago and had all my focus on what was in front of me. He chuckled before putting his mouth to my ear.

"Don't worry, love. There has never been a time when I didn't want to have Elizabeth kiss my sweet arse."

"Arse? Ha, you talk funny!" I giggled, hiccupping again. Rosalie sniffled from the ground while Alice continued to yell at a potted plant.

"Talking funny isn't funny, Bella!" Rosalie heaved out, between her gasps for breath. "It's so sad!"

"Sad? It's hilarious!" Emmett gave a deep throaty laugh, before he stumbled on into the kitchen. I followed him, hoping he was making blue jell-O. I would seriously need it tomorrow. Instead, he sat down on the couch and I heard Alice scream in the foyer. I guess the plant fought back, I thought as I tumbled on top of Emmett. He burped.

"Bella," He had a slight lisp, but he chose to ignore it. "I need to tell you something."

"You have to pee?" I guessed, giggling. "The bathroom is right there! Oh, wait, that's a TV."

He shook his head, jerkily. "No, no. I need to tell you something important." He wiggled his finger at me and leaned forward so I could smell his breath. It was stinky, I thought. "This is a big secret."

"A secret? I like secrets!" I cheered, before he shushed me. He held on to my shoulder and put his mouth to my hair.

"I'm your brother."

**Oh, shit! Well, the song at the top is Drunk Girl by Something Corporate. I have no important messages, just check out my new one shot, Lack Boundaries and my new story, Where The Sun Don't Shine. Thank you and good night, because I am fuck tired.**

**Review!**


	18. Animal

_I am in love,  
With what we are,  
Not what we should be.  
_  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Your girlfriend is delightful, little mate." Dad chuckled as I showed him to his room. I sighed.

"She's not usually like that." I muttered, helping him with his bags. He patted me on the back after he set them on the bed.

"It's alright. Everyone needs to knock back a few every now and then. It would do you bloody well." He said, knowingly. "But you look good, little mate. You've grown."

I nodded, smirking. "That tends to happen."

He smacked me across the back of the head and flopped down on the bed. He groaned and rubbed the pillow over his face. "Your Mother still uses the same detergent, I see. Does she still use those pearly tampons?"

I shifted, uncomfortably. "I tend to stay away from Mama's female anatomy when she's on her menstrual cycle, Dad. In fact, I'm always away from it."

"Consider yourself lucky. It smelled like ham. Even after she took a shower, she had a ham-gina." He sighed, snuggling under the blanket. Did he realize his clothes are on? I said a quick goodnight to him before running out of there. He was tired enough to tell me about the night I was conceived. A tired Dad was worse then an intoxicated one. He spilled everything.

Charlie was coming up the stairs, running a hand through his hair. He stopped me from opening Bella's door. There was a muffled sound coming from behind it and I was worried she might be crying.

"You don't want to go in there, kid." He warned me, grabbing a hold of my shoulder.

"Why?" I asked, confused. I didn't have my contacts on, so he was just a big blur.

"She's crying. You might drown in all of her tears, I swear." He whistled. "Besides, she wants to be left alone."

"What happened?" I demanded, alert now.

Charlie shrugged. "That big kid told her something that made her all weepy. He's passed out on the couch and the blonde is on the floor. When I left the little one, she was on top of the dining room table."

I nodded, slowly. "Alright. If you say so, I'll leave her alone. I have to think up an apology anyway."

He agreed with me, whole heartedly. "That would be best. G'night, little man."

"Goodnight, Charlie." I said, stepping away from the door. When he was completely gone, I put my ear to Bella's door and heard her sniffling. I made a split decision and creaked the door open. She was curled up on her bed, sobbing into a pillow. Her little rubber bracelets were scattered all over the floor and she had a picture of someone ripped up on her floor. I found myself walking in, over to the bed. I sat down on the edge and touched her leg, lightly.

"Bella?" I asked, gently. She popped her head up. Her hair was in a disarray, and she had wet streaks down her face. Her eyes were red and she sniffled up at me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, scooting closer to her. I knew she was probably still mad at me, but I wanted to take my chances. She was my girlfriend, I loved her, and I needed to be there for her no matter what.

She heaved out another sob, before shooting up and latching onto my shoulder. She soaked my shirt with a single muffled cry and I smoothed back her hair, in what I hoped was a soothing manner.

"Bella?" I asked again. She said something into my neck, but I couldn't tell what it was. "Sweetheart, I can't hear you."

She removed her head from my shoulder and looked up at me with watery eyes. She gasped and tried to catch her breath, before finally she let out one huge sob.

"I fucked my brother!"

I was in shock. What did she mean, she fucked her brother? As I prepared to ask her, she surprised me by continuing on her little tear fest.

"All these years, my Mom has been right here in Seattle and I never knew." She sniffled, wiping her nose with my sleeve. Delightful, I thought. "And Emmett, he's-he's my brother! I lost my virginity to him, Edward!"

It was all making sense now. I whistled in awe. My life had gone from G rated for lack of sexual experience, offensive language and adult content, to an R rated for sexual content, incestual situations, abuse, alcohol and horribly offensive language in a span of about four months. Bella on the other hand had always lived an R rated life, minus the incest. I could only imagine what this was like for her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, gently. I had learned it was always best to check first when it came to Bella. She nodded, sniffling. "Alright. So, your Mom's in Seattle?"

She let out a small strangled cry and closed her eyes. "All these years, I've spent wondering where my Mom was and who she was with and how she was doing. And then this happens? Of all that shit that could go down, this had to be it?"

I spent the rest of the night with Bella's head on my shoulder. Every few minutes, she'd quiet down, only to pick back up again a moment later. She would fall asleep and then something would bring her back to the situation, bringing on a whole new round of tears. It was insuferable, but I was simply glad she wasn't angry with my anymore. I kissed her on the forehead when she finally fell asleep and kicked my shoes off. I curled up under the covers with Bella in my arms and breathed in her scent.

She looked like an angel. Her face was clear, like porcelain and she had these big pouty red lips, that went in and out in a sucking motion with every breath she took. It wasn't in a dirty way either, because that seemed like something she would do just to rattle my bones. It was like a baby sucking on a pacifer in the dead of night, not something sexual in the least. Her hair was growing and those awful streaks were almost grown out, thankfully. Her hair was a beautiful mahagony color, that made me envious. During my childhood, I had often been made fun of for my oddle colored hair. But I was more confident about it now, considering it was clearly one of Bella's favorite things about me. With the way she was always running her fingers throuhg it, I mean. She might as well live in it.

She was such a beautiful little angel. I kicked myself for not expressing my desires towards her earlier, honestly, I did. She was so beautiful and wholesome, underneath those innuendos and jokes. She covered up any sign of discomfort or pain with laughter, and I really wished she wouldn't. It was amazing that she finally broke down tonight. It was almost progress. If she needs to cry, then I want her to sit down in my lap and cry her eyes out, by God. If she bloody well feels it, she could express it.

I smoothed back her hair, lovingly. Her lips parted and she let out a small content sigh. I smiled to myself, thinking about my feelings for her. I made her feel content, I realized. I leaned back on her brightly colored pillows and for the first time in my life, I was comfortable in my own skin. Bella was rock and I owed her everything for making me see my true beauty. I felt like such a woman even thinking those things, but they were true. I drifted off, thinking about Bella and I, years from now, in a beautiful home by the fireplace, reading to our wonderful children...

Because I refused to let Bella taint there minds with television.

* * *

"Knock, knock." Emmett said, opening my door. "Can I come in?"

"What the hell? Let's make it a party!" I said, sarcastically. "What do you want?"

He sighed. "Well, aside from some Aspirin, I want to talk to you. I feel kind of shitty just dumping that on you in the moment, but it was the best opportunity I had. I thought you might forget and I could just get an A for effort."

"Gee, how thoughtful." I sneered. "Say what you have to and get out of my house."

He sat down on an ugly chair that Liz had placed in here and put his head in his hands. He then proceeded to sigh for nine hundred hours before lifting his head up to stare at me. "Mom was fifteen when she had me. Her Dad was an alcoholic and she had been supporting his habit by turning tricks. One of her regular's knocked her up and she couldn't bring herself to have an abortion. So, she kept me. I was too young to remember anything, but I know that my aunt Vicky had been taking care of me while Mom worked. Yeah, Mom has a sister. She's a few years younger. She worked her way through college and law school to become a lawyer. Anyway, back to Mom."

"I know that a year later, she met your Dad. He was the new kid and she had seen him smoking behind the school, so she asked to bum one. He let her. Four months later, after a steamt hook up in your truck, Mom was pregnant again. I was about one and a half at the time, I was almost two. I know that around that time, Mom, Vicky and I moved into a motel room to get away from my Grandpa. Apparently, he was a mean drunk. You wouldn't be able to tell these days, he's gentle as a lamb."

"Everyone was calling Mom a whore at school and on the streets. She was ashamed of being so loose, but she did nothing to stop. She stayed with your Dad, per his request, but she was still turning tricks on the side. Aunt Vicky said she didn't stop until she was about seven months pregnant. Then she had you a month later, a few weeks earlier than her due date. Keep in mind, your Dad didn't know about me. Mom didn't like to broadcast it, so she left me with Aunt Vicky most of the time. They left me in the hospital daycare when Mom had you. That's how desperate she was that your Dad never found out."

"Why?" I asked, skeptically.

He gave me a soft look. "Because she really did love him, Bella. Or, at least, it felt like love at the time. She didn't want to scare away the only person that had ever tried to help here, just because they cared. Not because they had to."

"Aunt Vicky took a million pictures of you. She has them plastered all over her apartment, I swear. Her kids are always asking who the pretty baby on the wall is, it's adorable. Now, Mom was never one for emotional outbreaks. But in every picture we have of you and Mom, she's in tears of joy at how beautiful you are."

"Again, I don't remember a lot because I was so young. But I know you used to stay at your Dad's most of the time, because Mom was always out working. She liked to bring her work home with her, so she left me to play out by the pool with the other kids staying there, while Vicky was getting an education. I could have drowned of gotten kidnapped, and she would have been none the wiser. It was horrible. But then, about a year after you were born, she started doing drugs."

"It started off with just some Crack on the side, but it escalated to Heroin in no time. It's funny, when Mom went up in smoke, Grandpa was just getting out of rehab. I guess bad habits run in the family. Aunt Vicky says that your Dad was always over, going through her drawers and her purse, looking for the drugs. He never found them. You know why? Because Mom kept them hidden in my pockets. You'd never think to check a three year old for pot, huh?"

"When I was four, Mom left. It was only for a few weeks, but she left. One of my first memories was of her coming home in tears, telling Aunt Vicky that she left you. For good. That was the last we ever saw you, because that same day, your Dad packed up and took you to God knows where to do God knows what. I didn't even know I had a sister until about four years ago. I only had the vaguest memories of you, but I didn't ever realize that you were my sister. Until, a year after I slept with you, Mom saw you on the street."

"It was late at night and I was walking her home. You were hanging out in Rogerson Park with some guys and she just pointed at you. She pointed at you and said, 'I know her. That's Charlie's little girl. That's_ my _little girl'. It was like someone shot me in the chest, because that was when I realized that I was a sick pervert for popping my baby sister's cherry."

"Hold on." I cut in. "Mr. Lifetime, if Mom is a ho, how does she afford that haughty taught private school?"

"She doesn't. Aunt Vicky is bringing in the bucks. She's a lawyer and her husband, James, is a doctor. It's like the Cosby show, expect their white." He explained. "And that brings us to today."

"Today?" I asked, suspiciously. The sound of the shower running was soothing my awful headache, so I was focusing on the sound and the image of Edward's naked buns to keep me in check.

"Aunt Vicky called. She wants to meet me for lunch. She doesn't know that I've found you and I was wondering how you'd feel about surprising her."

I thought about it. "Will there be medication at this lunch?"

He grinned. "You'll be high on painkillers, doll face."

I narrowed my eyes. "Will there be crying?"

He snorted. "Are you kidding? It would ruin her make up. She has a case to win at four today."

I sighed. "Would she even want to meet me, Emmett?"

He gave me a strange look. "She talks about you all the time." He cleared his throat and started in on a high pitched girl voice. "'I wonder how Bella is doing these days?' Or, 'Bella is probably the prettiest girl in her class, I just know it.'"

I gave him the finger. "She better not really talk like that, or I'm leaving when we get there."

"So you'll come?" He asked, hopefully.

I sighed. "How could I say no to my perverted big bro?"

He grimaced. "Don't put my pain into rhymes. It's a little too Dr. Suess for this particular situation."

The bathroom door opened and Edward strolled out, with a towel wrapped around his waist. I don't think he noticed that Emmett and I were on the bed because he went to the dresser and looked through it, hoping to find some clothes. He slept in here so much, I had started putting his clothes away in here when I did laundry. Because I did not want anyone else washing my porn props, no way, no how.

"Red?" I asked, giggling. He spun around, nearly dropping his towel. His eyes widened and he looked down to make sure he was covered before blushing bright red. He looked mortified.

"Emmett, could you kindly leave the room?" He asked, gently. Emmett raised an eyebrow.

"And leave you to get down and dirty with this poor innocent little baby? I don't think so, you nasty pedophile. You're room, now." He ordered, pointing to the door. Edward muttered something before glaring at Emmett and stalking off. He knew he wasn't going to win that argument. Emmett chuckled before following him with a pair of my socks.

"Here, Eddie! They'll keep your shriveled up dick warm!"

I shook my head, laughing silently. This was all so new and strange. Four months ago, I was a rebel on the road with my Dad, the only family I had. Now, I was a softie, living in a mansion with my pussy whipped Dad, my evil Step Mom, my sex toy/Step Brother and I suddenly had a very Intervention like family I never knew about. I belonged on Dr. Phil for so many reasons.

* * *

I was pulling my jeans on when I heard glass shatter somewhere downstairs. That was followed my a shrill scream and some profanities yelled in a deep familiar voice. Deja vu, I thought creepily. I ran down the stairs, meeting Charlie on the second floor. He was pulling a shirt on over a pair of jeans and his hair was wild and scraggly. Bella followed behind me, snickering. She knew what was happening.

"Charlie! Bella! _Edward!_" Mama screamed from the kitchen. I dashed around the corner to see Dad and Emmett sitting at the table, enjoy some Corn Flakes. Emmett pushed his bowl away, wincing as he swallowed.

"This tastes like dirty pussy." He said, going back for another bite. Dad nodded, scooping another spoon full in his mouth.

"I conquer." He said with a mouth full of cereal. Mama growled, really growled and whipped her head around to look at me. I noticed Rosalie was sitting on the floor next to the oven, holding a bottle of Aspirin. Alice was nursing her head with some ice on the counter. Bella laughed at Alice's disgruntled face.

"Someone better explain this. _Now_." Mama hissed, slamming her fist down on the counter. I saw her wince, ruining her tough Mom facade.

Dad stood up, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "I'll take a crack at it, Lizzie, old girl."

He cleared his throat before diving in.

"You're son made an arse out of himself, fighting with lovely mate over there, so he called on me to come assist him. The said lovely mate, went out and got drizzled with her possy, in hopes of making her unbearable angsty pain go away. Last night, the kids were too boggled to go home, so they slept on the floor. Or, on the table, better yet. And now, Bella is going to get ready to go to lunch with this fine young man who just happens to be her long lost brother, after she calls the small sprite like girl's crazy Father to tell him that they're going to Church. Oh, and the blonde is going to overdose if someone doesn't take that bottle away."

That was when Emmett quickly moved to take the bottle away. It fell limply from her hands and he lifted her up and took her over to the couch. She groaned at the sound of his footsteps. Obviously she didn't handle her liqour very well. Bella turned to Edward Sr, smiling.

"You must be Daddy Warbucks." She grinned, holding her arms out. "Gimme some sugar, baby."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a hug. She pulled away and had an analyzing look on her face. She gave me a small, apologetic smile.

"Sorry, Red. I look way better in your Father's arms. We're going to move to Australia, or wherever the hell you're from, and have pretty Australian babies." Bella sang, jokingly. As an after throught she added a poor, "Mate!"

Dad chortled along with her. "Oh, yes, we'll have wonderful Egnlish babies and name them after inanimate objects, like the celebraties. Let's see, we'll have table and chair, of course."

"Oh, and couch, lamp and frame, obviously." Bella nodded, stiffling her laughter.

"I like the name stool, pumpkin lips." Dad said, cooing down at her.

"Sounds perfect, apple tush." She giggled back at him.

"I love it." Emmett added. "Stool is the shit!"

Silence.

"You get it, becuase stool and shit are...?" He trailed off.

Silence.

"Stool means poop, guys." He weakly laughed.

Silence. Again.

"Fuck you." He mumbled going back to his 'Dirty Pussy Pops'.

Mama gave us all a small, disgruntle scream/sigh and pointed at the door. "Everyone that does not have a full relation to me, out the door! Now!"

Alice and Rosalie heaved themselves from their positions and left, groaning. Emmett grabbed his bowl of cereal and left, wordlessly. Bella and Charlie tried to stealthily sneak out, but Mama grabbed Charlie by the back of his shirt and he pulled Bella back along with him.

"I want someone explaining done. Right. Now." She hissed.

"I already explained, you pessimistic whale." Dad snapped. "Blimey, I remember why we divorced now."

"Hey, let's not name call." Charlie weakly stood up for his wife, stiffling his laughter with a cough. That was a good one, even I'll admit it.

"Your son called me in tears because you're such a bitter old twat, you have to go and try to ruin his relationship!" Dad thundered.

"I was simply offering my opinion on his situation, that is what Mother's do." She sniffed, turning her back on him.

"If he wants your opinion, he'll ask for it, bitch." Bella growled. Liz gasped and looked at Charlie, who simply shrugged his shoulders. That was when she lost it.

"I am tired of always being the bad guy around here! Charlie, I am your wife, and I would like some support from you! One of us has to be responsible and its obvious that someone has to be me! You want to be the children's friends, and you just can't do that. They won't respect you if you treat them as equals. You are above them, as a parent, and it is your job to discipline them. This is why your daughter is a dirty old whore that has my poor son in her grip. She is going to wind up pregnant on the streets and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. And you, Edward! You insufferable old twit! You come into my home like you own the place and have the nerve to insult me in front of my child? Our child? What is the matter with you?" She screamed.

There must be something in the water, I decided. Because at that moment, Bella grabbed her coat off the counter and took her keys from the bowl. She turned to Charlie, angrily.

"You married the bitch. You fix it." She siad, coldly. She turned to Mama then, the same expression on her face.

"Fuck you, Elizabeth Masen. Fuck you and everything you stand for."

* * *

Emmett whistled as he picked up his menu. "You've got your Mom's dead eyes, you know."

"Gee, what a nice complement. Asshole." I glared at him, going through the menu. We had been waiting here for an hour. Apparently his fucking auntie had gotten held up at court and wouldn't be here for another ten minutes. I sighed. This menu was shit, I decided. Fuck the specials. After this, I'm going to go to Kenny's bar for a repeat performance. Getting seriously fucked up sounded better then facing my shit right now.

"She's here." Emmett suddenly whispered. I straightened up, involunterily. I didn't mean to, it just was a reaction. It was like meeting God. You don't know what to expect, because you could never be sure he existed.

"Emmett, baby! It's so good to see you!" A girlish voice cried from behind me. Emmett grinned and stood up, embracing the woman. I held my breath and turned around, bracing myself for anything. She definitely wasn't what I expected.

She had fiery red waves coming from her head, surrounding her pale complexion. Her eyes were a dark brown color, almost matching mine. She was very pretty, with somewhat angular features, but a round face. She had a deep red lipstick on and her eyes were made up to look like an Egyptian princess, with her eyeliner coming out in long streaks. She finished her hug and turned to me, casually.

"Emmett, who's your-"

She stopped. Her mouth formed a perfect 'o' and I heard a small gasp come from her mouth.

"Bella?"

* * *

**Hello, everyone! I thought I'd work hard and pop out a quick chapter. I'm a little ahead of schedule, aren't I? I hope you enjoy the family drama. The song at the top is Animal by Kesha. I would do the dollar sign, but I'm not sure anyone of us are sure how to pronounce it. Have a good day! And check out my 'Glog' for the story! It's kind of like a homepage, but cooler. The link is on my profile! Hakuna Matata! Oh and IMPORTANT: Does anyone know how to fucking use deviantart? Or, better yet, would anyone be interested in drawing or making a picture of Bella and the other Downers characters for the website? Just a question.**

**Review!**


	19. Girls

_My daddy wanted a house full of boys  
Rowdy little huntin' fishin' bundles of noise  
But after my baby sister he gave up  
He told my mama enough is enough  
So we started walkin' wearin' cowboy boots  
Baitin' our own hooks and learnin' to shoot  
That didn't stop the boys from comin' 'round here  
You know the reason daddy lost his hair  
_  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I shifted, nervously in my seat. "Hey there." I waved, anxiously. She moved slowly to the table, almost like she was in a trance. She glanced back at Emmett, who was watching our movements with a shit eating grin on his face. I wanted to smack it off. How dare he be happy, while I'm sitting here, sweating like a dumbas. I never thought it was possible to be this nervous. I didn't have family, bottom line. Until now, I suppose. The woman, 'Aunt Vicky', was looking down at me with tears in her eyes.

She sniffled a bit and took a huge breath before leaning down to hug me. "Oh, Bella! Oh, Bella, Oh, Bella, Oh, Bella!" She sang in breathy intervals. She shook me with her rocking motion and I had to say, I was very uncomfortable. I wasn't a hugger, I never had been. But, God, pin me to a bed and I'm Cathy Clings a Lot.

"Aunt Vic," Emmett cleared his throat. "I think your squishing her."

She leaned away from me and shook her head. "Oh, of course, yes, I'm sorry, dear!" She babbled, excitedly. She sat down in the chair next to me and rubbed her eyes, sheepishly. "Good thing I'm wearing waterproof mascara, or they'd throw me out of court for faulty cosmetics, honestly!"

Emmett took his seat across from me. He looked absolutely giddy, as queer as it sounded. I glared at him, angrily. "You said there'd be no crying." I hissed. He shrugged.

'I lied' He mouthed, smugly.

"It's just so good to see you, Bella." She took my hand. Her palms were soft and coated with a thin sheet of sweat. It was clear that she was as nervous as I was. "I never thought I'd see you again. God, you've grown up."

"Well, it's been seventeen years. I thought it was time to, you know, get things moving." I joked, nodding my head. "You look...like I've never seen you before in my life."

She laughed suddenly. It was breathy and quiet, but it was a laugh. "You're definately Charlie's kid, that's for sure."

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ecspecially when the tree raised the apple." I agreed. She tucked her wild hair behind her ear.

"I didn't believe Emmett when he told me he'd met you. I thought there was a better chance of Louis sucking it up and moving on with life." She admitted, shyly.

"Louis?" Emmett asked with a raised eyebrow.

She waved it off. "Oh, it's from a book. I'm a nerd, what can I say? Anyway, how are you? Where have you been the past few years? How's your Dad, is he still an asshole?"

I laughed. "I'm good, Dad is good. And yes, he's the biggest asshole ever. I hate him. I've actually been all around since we, you know, hitched up the wagon. We just settled down here in Washington a few months ago."

She rolled her eyes. "That sounds like Charlie. But this is fantastic news! It's so good to see you again, really, I'm beside myself. You have to come to dinner with us tomorrow night."

I was taken back. "Um...I don't know, I-I have to talk with Dad. Get his opinion, you know?"

She looked a little suspicious and then realization dawned in her eyes. "Oh, don't worry, your Mother won't be there! She's too busy whoring herself out to have a nice dinner with her family."

"Aunt Vicky..." Emmett said, warningly.

She waved him off. "Fine, fine. She's too busy _working the night shift_ to have a pleasant, wholesome dinner with her family."

Emmett snorted. "Fucking hell, these dinners are anything but wholesome. Remember last time when James got so wasted, he pulled his pants down and told you to suck his cock in front of the entire restraunt?"

She gasped. "Emmett McCarty, I never want to hear those things come from your mouth again."

He seemed to then realize he wasn't with friends and he stuttered an apology. I snickered and he gave me the finger when...um...Aunt Vicky wasn't looking. I shuddered. This was weird.

"So, Bella? You go to Emmett's school?" She asked, picking up a menu.

"Yeppers. Against my will, to be precise." I answered as the waiter came over.

"Can I offer you guys anything to drink?" He asked, dully. He was probably around forty and looked pissed that he was spending his days working at Cracker Barrel. I would be too, if I had to deal with me. I read his name tag in delight. Oh, this is great.

"Well, _Buddy_, I'd like a chocolate milk, if it's not too much trouble. Oh, and could you be a _buddy _and bring out some biscuits? Thanks, _Buddy."_ I smiled, innocently

He growled and turned to get Aunt Vicky's order. She struggled not to laugh and ordered a Coke. Emmett flat out giggled when he ordered his Diet Coke. I rolled my eyes.

"Diet? What, are you watching your weight? Pussy." I muttered.

"You ordered chocolate fucking milk! Want some crayons to go with that, cupcake?" He asked, sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at him, pleased with the sound of Aunt Vicky's laughter surrounding the table.

It sounds like mine, I thought smugly.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight. That oversized gooney is my son?" Charlie asked, with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry, I think you've mistaken me for someone else. Like Gigantor-cock, because I did not make that machine."

Rosalie giggled, and clutched her head at the same time. Alice just slept, mumbling something about Winnie the Pooh panties and someone named Jasper. I sighed.

"I don't think he's your son, per say, but he is Bella's brother. Or, they're convinved he is." I explained. Charlie groaned.

"Fucking great. Does this mean what I think it means?" He demanded, shoving a pillow over his head. "Because I can't fucking face that nut bag Mom of theirs."

"Don't act so glum, mate." Dad shrugged. "I'm staying in the same _house_ as my ex and I'm alive. I'm getting perfectly smashed tonight, but I'm alive."

I heard the front door open and I fought the urge to run to it. I was just so glad that Bella had forgiven me for saying the things I did. She didn't have to, I understood that, but she did and I loved her for it. Well, actually, I loved everything about her. I could do without the attitude though.

Bella and Emmett entered the living room. Emmett looked gleeful, while Bella had more of a distraut glow about her. It was oddly depressing. She sat down next to me and buried her face into my neck. Charlie grunted, looking at Emmett in disdain. He plopped down next to Rose, who groaned when the weight of the couch shifted. Emmett rolled his eyes.

"She can't hold her liqour for shit." He mumbled in explanation. "Seriously, Bella and I had at least double what they had and we're fine."

"Must be the genes." Charlie murmured, eyeing them. Bella looked up, nervously.

"You know?" She guessed.

"Paul Revere's announcment this morning gave it away." He snorted, jabbing his thumb in Dad's direction. He pretended to look offended.

It was quiet. I half expected Bella to make some witty comment about it, but from the look on her face, that wasn't going to be happening for a long time. She ran her hand through my hair, absently, while everyone else simply shifted in their seats. Charlie had his head in his hands, while Dad was rubbing his temples, trying in vain to releive some of the stress of being near Mom. Rosalie was asleep in Emmett's arms, while Alice squirmed around on the loveseat, battling her internal dreams with some serious force. All I could do was look around, focusing on the faces of my loved ones.

Things were suddenly difficult. I suppose they always have been, but things seemed incredibly streesful these days. Bella's stroking was getting slower and slower, until it came to a compete hault. Her breathing was normal, so I knew she wasn't asleep. I continued to hold her, gently, while she thought about whatever it was that was bothering her. It was then that Emmett picked his head up off of Rosalie's and whistled.

"Well aren't we just a happy fucking family."

* * *

"Shut the fuck up, Alice." I hissed. "You couldn't be more fucking wrong."

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Bella." She reminded me, calmly.

"Not when you're opinion is fucking wrong." I said, repeating my earlier statement. "I mean, how do you even see that?"

"Read between the lines, Bella." She insisted, rolling her stormy gray eyes.

"There's nothing to read, you little cock monkey." I growled, pausing the movie. "Lestat kicks Louis's ass in every way, shape and/or form. It's simple as that."

"Wrong. Louis is a tortured soul. He needs recognition." She argued.

"You're both wrong. Claudia is the real victim in all of this." Rosalie suddenly piped in. "She can never grow up to be a normal woman. She is a little girl forever."

"So? You don't like your boyfriend, you can label him a pedophile." Emmett snorted, picking up the remote and pressing play.

_"Louis, Louis...Still whining, Louis!" _

"I know, Lestat. He's a dickface." I agreed with the screen, wholeheartedly.

"A dickface? He's the perfect man!" Rosalie cried. Alice nodded along, agreeing with her.

I made a buzzing sound. "Sorry, you're wrong. You're consolation prize is a swift kick in the ass, along with a pansy ass vampire that spends his days pining after a ten year old and slurping up plague infested rats. Girls go weak at the knees for him." I said, sarcastically. Emmett threw a pillow at my face and stood up, stretching.

"Alright. Enough of this chick on dick conversation. We have to get moving, sweets." Emmett informed me. "It's six o'clock. Aunt Vic's house is across town."

"Fine, fine, fine." I sighed, heaving myself off the couch. "I'll leave you ladies to admire the vagina that is Louis Point du Lac."

I walked over to the front door and found Dad standing there with his arms crossed over his chest. I sighed, before walking over to him and untangling his arms. I hugged him around his waist, gently and placed his hands at my sides. He grunted.

"I don't want you to see them." He mumbled.

"They're nice people, Dad." I argued.

"Yeah, Victoria is a sweet girl, I'll give you that. But your Mom is sly. She'll worm her way into your head some how." He explained, weakly. I got on my tip toes and kissed him on the cheek.

"Good thing I have a Dad to push her right on out, huh?" I grinned, looking up at him. Her snorted a small laugh and ruffled my hair.

"You're a good kid, Beeza." He told me, referring back to my childhood nickname.

"What can I say? It's how I was raised." I shrugged, stepping back. "I have to go. I'll be home before eleven. Probably earlier if her cooking sucks."

Emmett came in with his jacket. "It does. She's ordering take out."

"Amen to that." I smiled, high fiving him. Edward came around the corner with an apple in his hand.

"Are you leaving?" He asked, sadly.

"No. There'a draft, this parka is keeping me warm." I said, smiling. "Yes. I'll be home soon though."

He smiled, nervously. "Good. We need to talk. Or, rather, I need to talk."

I pondered those words on our way to the house. I came to a conclusion as we pulled up. Either he was breaking up with me, or he was dying.

Fuck.

I lose either way.

* * *

"Dad?" I asked, quietly. He was lying on the bed, with a pillow over his head. He looked like he was trying to smother himself. "Can we talk?"

He sighed, before taking the pillow away from his face. "Well, I flew across the bloody world for a reason, little mate. Come, bask in my misery."

I winced. "Sorry, Dad. I just...missed you, I guess."

He gave me a once over. "Good. That means I'm doing my job right. Now, what do you want to talk about?"

I sighed and sat down on the bed next to him. I had a flashback to my childhood. Lying on the big bed with Ded, while Mama took a shower. That was before Mama found the black lace panties shoved under the sink while she was looking for an extra bar of soap. Dad had told me she was just a maid...

"I think...I think I'm ready to go all the way with Bella." I admitted, nervously. Dad gave a small chuckle.

"About time, you little weasel. I was beginning to think Bella wasn't the only Swan you were after." He told me with a wink. I processed that.

"Ew. You mean...? What? No! Dad, that's disgusting!" I groaned, flopping back. "Be serious."

"Alright, alright. Don't get your lady knickers in a twist." I shot a glare at him. He smirked. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"Positive. I just don't think this is the best time to unleash it on her." I sighed.

Dad was silent for a moment. Then he slowly started to laugh, building up and building up until he was gasping for breath and holding onto the frame. I was annoyed, thoroughly. "What is it now?"

He wiped some imaginery tears away from his eyes while he caught his breath. "There was an underlying innuendo in that phrase, little mate. Are you implying that what you have to unleash, might be a little too much for her?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

I was silent. He calmed down.

"Fine, fine. You're more like your Mother every day, I swear. By the way, is her room the same? I want to see if she still has my lucky breeches in her lingerie drawer. She used to wear them around the house. Just them, nothing else. But, this was before she became a nasty old bitty. We were in college, you know-"

"Dad!"

"I need a fag. Where does your little girlfriend keep hers?" He demanded, getting up and wlaking out into the hall. I gasped.

"Bella doesn't smoke." I argued. He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, blimey. With all of her emotional baggage? She smokes." He insisted, making his way up to the fourth floor. He went straight to Bella's room, obviously referring to memory as to what the other rooms held. He swung open her door and whistled. "Does she have some sort of rubber fetish? Look at all these bands!"

The floor was still covered with them and I thought it best not to touch. Bella had an emotional attatchment to each and every one. She would throw a hissy fit if I even looked at one. Last month, I picked one up off the floor and she slapped me across the face. It was like a Mama bear and her cubs. Except it was Mama Bella and her bracelets. I was beginning to think I wasn't the only one with a bit of a Mommy complex.

"Aha!" Dad cheered as he went through her side table, successfully finding her cigarettes. We'd have to tlak about that later. I thought she smelled faintly of smoke, but after the paper towel ash incident, I let her flaming tendencies go. I gulped and looked around. Bella wouldn't be happy about this, not one bit. Dad laughed, quietly and pulled out a small box. He shook it in my direction.

"I think she's ready, Eddie." He teased me. I peered closley and widened my eyes. I'm not sure why, it was such an expected thing from Bella. It was a box of condoms. And they were labeled **Large**. She thought I was large? I thought I was a semi regular medium at the most.

Good lord. She was going to be disappointed.

* * *

**IMPORTANT, DO NOT SKIP, I KNOW HOW YOU PEOPLE OPERATE: The Downers was nominated for an Indie Twi Fic Award in the following categories- Best Use of a Parent, AH Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet and Best Secondary Characterization. Here is the link to the website .com/ Vote for the story please! And thank you to whoever nominated it!**

**Review!**


	20. I Suck Sorry Guys!

**Okay...I always promised myself that I wouldn't do this because it's the most God awful annoying thing in the world, but I need this. I know that I have been completely AWOL on The Downers and I feel like an asshole for leaving everyone hanging. But I've been in the hospital for some shit with my head and I'm back now. I just wanted to let everyone know that....**

**The Downers was nominated for Best Humour in The Silent Tear Awards.**

**Smile was nominated for Best One Shot in The Silent Tear Awards.**

**I was nominated for Best Unknown Author in The Silent Tear Awards. **

**Jesus fucking Christ, this makes me happy. Just because this gives me a glimmer of hope that I have some sort of writing talent. Thanks, guys. The Downers will be updated very shortly, I swear. Expect a new chapter by next Thursday at the latest. I'm all mixed up with Where The Sun Don't Shine and A Hallulujah Lullaby. Where The Sun Don't Shine is kind of a side project of mine, but A Hallelujah Lullaby is my newborn. It's based off of the song, Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, but the version sung by Rufus Wainwright. Love him!**

**Just paste the link below into your search box thingy and check out all the other amazing stories nominated. Including my favorite story of all time, Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon. If you haven't read it, do it now, because it will change your fucking life. Me and my inner goddess love Fifty even with his scars. Vote please! **

http://silent-tear-awards (dot) webs (dot) com/

**And sorry again for going MIA on your guys the past few weeks. I suck, I know. These little notes always get my hopes up and then crush them when I read the stupid little paragraph of excuses the author has written. I've officially become one of those authors.**


	21. Fuck This

**As it turns out, you can't believe a single thing I say. I'm sorry for being such a big, fat liar about the next update, but things have been absolutely insane. I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. No biggie, I'm just a little skittish. Always have been, same as my Mom. I don't think my stories will be updated for a very long time, but here comes the good news. My stories won't be updated by moi, but they will be taken care of by a very good friend of mine, RinaBebeh. Rina is amazing and I know she'll take very good care of my babies. We'll be coming up with ideas together, but she is running the show. Check out her story. It's not the most original plot, but you'll absolutely love it. Also, some stories to read if you haven't already:**

**Finding Bella by ekimmuh**

**Be Careful What You Wish For by Whitlock-Masen**

**A Rough Start by ItzMegan73 **

**Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon**

**How The Other Half Live by RinaBebeh**

**Remember, Rina will be taking care of The Downers from now on. Show her some respect. She's fan-fucking-tastic. Love you all. I'll try my absolute best to stay on top of things. Have a great summer and watch for updates.**


	22. Back in Buinsess, Bitches

"We're here, little sister." Emmett grinned as we pulled up to a large apartment building. It was on a very good side of town, and there was a doorman waiting outside, patiently.

"Yay." I cheered, sarcastically. "Why don't you just fucking shoot me now? Christ."

He shot me a look as we got out of the car. "You might not want to cuss in there. They have kids, you know."

My mouth fell open. "Kids? Shit!"

He shrugged as he flashed a smile at the doorman, who tipped his hat in Emmett's direction. "Janie and Al aren't that bad. They're actually pretty cool, for a couple of pre-schoolers."

I slapped my forehead. "Pre-schoolers? Emmett, that is so out of my comfort zone. What if those little ankle biters want me to play with them? Then what?"

He snorted, pressing a button on the elevator. "You fucking hang with them, Bella. Don't worry, it's not as insane as you're making it sound. I think you'll be pretty impressed with these little niblets."

"I hope you're right, because I don't know shit about Hannah Montana or fucking Barbies. I'm a matchbox kind of girl, myself."

Emmett laughed and the elevator opened wide, showing us the top floor. I gulped as Emmett took my hand and guided me to a door at the end of the hallway. I closed my eyes as he rang the bell. I tried to think of a million places I'd rather be.

In gym class.

Fucking Elizabeth.

Pouring salt on big, fleshy wounds.

Fucking Elizabeth.

Giving head to the Pope.

Fucking Elizabeth.

Covered in meat, swimming in a giant shark tank.

Oh, yeah. And did I mention that fucking Liz would be better then meeting my "family" right about now? I did? Oh. Well, trust me, it would.

"Emmett! Bella! Darlings, come right on in!" I heard Victoria's bubbly voice greet us at the door. Emmett chuckled and pulled me inside behind him. Victoria shut the door and gave us both big smiles.

"Oh, Bella! You look so pretty! I hope you like Chinese, because I-"

"You can't cook for shit." A tall man with a blonde ponytail said, walking into the room with a little boy thrown over his shoulder.

"James!" Victoria scolded, slapping his shoulder as he set the boy down on the couch. I gasped when I saw the child's face. I realized it wasn't a boy at all. It was a little girl.

She had short hair for a girl, but it was relatively long for a boy. Her lips were stained with red and in a pouted expression. Her eyebrows were furrowed over her narrowed brown eyes. She had a long cut on her cheek and it was bleeding slightly. A young boy came running into the room, pointing at the girl.

"Mommy, look what Janie did to me!" He whined, pointing at a bruise on his cheek. Victoria gasped and ran over to him, to inspect the damage. The little girl rolled her eyes and I snorted.

"Janie, what have I told you about fighting?" Vicky asked, turning to the girl with a dissaproving look.

"Alec is a wimp." She mumbled, looking down at her shoes. I fucking laughed. They were beat up little red Chucks, just the same as I had on. She looked up at me and glared. "What are you laughing at?"

"Janie, don't be rude." Vicky scolded her. "James, Al, Janie...I'd like for you to to meet my niece."

The man, James, looked back and forth between us. "_You're _Renny's kid? Damn."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that a good damn?"

He nodded. "It's definately positive. You look...nothing like your Mom."

I snorted. "What Mom?"

He laughed and nodded, seemingly agreeing with my accusation. Vicky took the little boy's hand and put her manicured fingers on top of the girl's baseball cap.

"Janie, Al, this is your cousin, Bella."

"Cousin? She looks more like my grandma." The girl said, giving me an evil grin. I shot her a sarcastic look.

"Is that all you've got?" I challenged her. "Trust me, kid, I was taking down the pros at your age. Don't mess with the expert."

She winked at me. A little girl fucking winked at me. "Bring it."

I gave Emmett an approving look. I liked this kid. The little boy, on the other hand, just stood and stared at me with wide nudged him forward and he stuttered, incoherantly.

"You're..you're pretty." He muttered, blushing. "Mommy, is she really my cousin?"

Vicky nodded, happily. "You bet, tiger. Cousin Emmett brought her to meet me today and I decided to bring her to dinner. Isn't that fun?"

He nodded, not really listening to what he was saying. He just looked between Emmett and I, before scrunching up his nose. "I've seen you before. You wear an ugly skirt. They match Emmy's pants."

I nodded, crouching down to his level. "I go to Emmett's school. But I'll let you in on a little secret," I said, whispering. I motioned for him to come closer and when he was in front of me, I stage whispered, "Emmett looks better in the skirt then I do."

He giggled and looked up at Emmett, who was less then amused. I stood up and elbowed him. He looked down at me and winked. It was like a big, fat 'I told you so' about the family. I had to admit, what I saw so far was pretty...okay. As long as I didn't get any more lip from that elf, I'd make it through the night.

"How old are you guys?" I asked, tossing a peice of orange chicken in my mouth. Alec chewed is food, noisily, letting Janie answer.

"We're both seven, but I'm three minutes older." She announced, shoving a part of an eggroll in her mouth. Vicky reminded them to chew with their mouths closed. Alec complied while Janie opened her mouth even wider, letting us all see her chewed up Chinese. Emmett set down his fork and groaned.

"I'm stuffed." He told us, before belching. "That was some good eatin'. Thanks, Auntie."

"You're welcome, Emmett." She said, unamused with his bodily functions. "Did you like it, Bella?"

I nodded. "We go together like peanuts and jelly."

She laughed, leaning back against James, who was sipping a beer. He had a full goatee that looked like it needed to be trimmed and his hair was down now, wavy around his face. I think he was going for that full redneck look though, when he told us how he had thought about getting a mullet, because he heard it was back in these days. We assured him, it was not. _God _can only pray that man does not get a mullet. That's how excruciating that would be.

"This has been a fun little get together." She decided, rubbing James's arm. He nodded, agreeing with her. I'd found that he was a man of little words, a seemingly odd thing for me. Dad and I wouldn't shut up for anything once you got us going.

"Fucking awesome." I agreed. She winced, not wanting to scold me, but not liking my language around the kids. "Woops. My bad."

"I like that word." Janie decided, grinning in my direction. She turned to Alec and pinched his arm, causing him to squeal and look towards his Mom. Janie rolled her eyes. "Don't be a fucking baby, Alec."

Victoria gave her the death stare. "Janie Anne Track, I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again. Or else you're getting your mouth washed out with soap."

She rolled her eyes. "Soap doesn't scare me. And why doesn't Bella get her mouth washed out? She said it first!"

Vicky looked helplessly over at me. "Because Bella is older and she didn't use the word in a mean way. You were being mean to your brother and that's not okay."

She huffed and stood up from the table. "It is too! When I grow up, I'm going to be just like Bella and I'll get to say whatever I want!"

She stormed off down the hall, to what I assumed was her room. Victoria sighed and looked over at me, apologetically. Before she could apologize, I stood up and held out my hands. She was quiet and I closed my eyes before taking a deep breath and looking at her.

"Vicky," I said, using the name for the first time. "If you really want me to be apart of this family, then you need to stop apologizing for everything unpleasant that goes on around here. This is new, I get it, but family ain't like that. Family is real and I should know that better then anyone. I'm going to go suck up all my courage now, and go talk to the butt munch. Hopefully, she has no weapons. I'll be sure to frisk her though on the way in."

I didn't give her a minute to respond. I walked down the hall where Janie had dissapeared. I found the door that had Janie printed on it in neat, bold lettered stickers. I swung the door open and found her lying on her bed, hiding under a Harley Davidson blanket. I chuckled in approval and sat down on the bed next to the little lump. She hissed and popped her head out of the covers, glaring at me.

"Sup, squirt?" I asked, uncertainly. She continued to sniffle.

"I hate you." She growled. I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure it's me you hate and not your Mom?" I asked, curiously. She looked away, down at her pillow. She shook her head.

"I hate both of you." She decided. "I just hate Mom more."

"Why do you hate your Mom?" I asked, gentler then before. She gave me a crazy eyed look.

"Because she's always on Alec's side." She pouted. "Alec needs to stick up for himself. All I'm trying to do is teach him how."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I could almost see where the midget was going with this. "Does Alec get picked on?"

"All the time!" She wailed. "And I always get in trouble for fighting with the bullies. I don't even want to help him anymore if he's just going to go tell Mom."

I smiled. "Boys are stupid, kid."

She widened her eyes. "See! You can say whatever you want. I want to be just like you."

I shook my head, feeling terrible for this. "No, you don't."

,"Why not?" She demanded, cocking her head to the side. I sighed.

"Because I'm not a good role model for a kid." I said, quietly. "I'm not a good influence. I've had a shitty life, I guess, and I don't know what to do about it. I make lame jokes to cover up how lost I am and I shouldn't do that."

"You're jokes aren't lame." She said, innocently. "You're real funny."

I reached my hand out and ruffled her hair. "Thanks, Jane."

She gasped, touching her head. "You called me Jane!"

I leaned back, confused. "So what?"

"No one calls me Jane." She said, astonished. "Mom makes everyone call me Janie. It's stupid and girly."

I snickered. "Well, _Jane, _I don't follow the crowd. I'm an indivudual. You are too."

There was a soft knock at the door. Victoria walked in, looking uncertain. "How are things going in here?"

I shrugged as Jane went back under the covers. "Vicky, can we talk?"

Vicky followed me out into the hallway, closing Jane's door behind her. I took a deep breath and shuffled my feet, shifting my weight from footto foot. This was all happening to so quickly and I knew I couldn't think about what I was going to say or I would regret it. "Lay off on Jane."

Vicky's mouth fell open. "No offense, Bella-"

I shook my head. "No. First of all, if you think something is going to offend me, just say it. I'm a big girl, I can take it. Same with Jane. Second, lay off the kid. Have you ever once stopped to hear her side of the story on anything?"

She stepped back with a grimace. "Well, I don't need to. She was fighting and-"

I made a buzzing sound. "Wrong. Jane told me she was just sticking up for her brother. She said that kids are always picking on Alec and that when she fights with him, she's only trying to teach him how to defend himself."

Vicky shook her head, quickly. "Janie is a kid, Bella. You can't believe a word they say."

I stood there for a moment in silence, before nodding, coldly. "Well, I'm a kid too. And I believe her. So fucking lay off."

And with that, I stormed off the down the hall, grabbed my coat off the hook and left the apartment, with Emmett trailing behind me, sadly.

"Where are they?" I asked, pacing the living room. Dad groaned from his spot on the couch. He was sipping a bottle of one thousand year old brandy and smoking a cigarette.

"They've only been gone a few hourse, little mate." He sighed through the smoke. "Have a fag. Take a lay. Sit the bloody hell down."

I shook my head, jerkily. "No, no. I know Bella. She would have been in and out of there as fast as possible. Something is wrong."

He coughed. "Well, call the girl if you're so worried. You're going to pace a whole in the carpet. The ugly carpet, might I add."

I left the room, feeling annoyed at how entirely unhelpful he was. I found Charlie on the back patio, sipping a beer and looking at the pool Mama had recently had opened. He didn't look up when I sat down next to him. He just continued to drink. The silenc was getting uncomfortable when he finally spoke.

"I'm worried about her." He said, softly. I nodded, agreeing.

"So am I." I responded, without missing a beat.

He sighed. "I mean, she's my little girl. All her life, I've been telling her all these terrible stories about her Mother, hoping it would ruin the godly image she had of her. But then that plan backfries and she goes off to meet her family? What am I supposed to do?"

I replied, quietly. "I have no idea."

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "We're not upset for the same reasons, are we?"

I shook my head, letting out a loud breath. "No. I sure hope not."

He nodded, slowly. "Bella is a complicated kid. I raised her the best I could, but I guess my best wasn't good enough."

I shook my head. "You did a great job raising her, Charlie."

He was silent. "Hey, Ed...can I tell you something?"

I contemplated this. It was either going to be something explicitly sexual or something terribly emotional. I was amost rooting for sexual. "Yes."

"I don't think I really love Liz." He finally mumbled. I widened me eyes, waiting for him to continue. "I mean, I guess I've just been alone for so long. The chance at marrying someone who didn't have one dollar bills hanging from a g-string...I jyst had to jump at it. It stroked my ego. I wasn't as worthless if Liz loved me. I knew from the start that Bella would hate her, but I didn't care. I didn't care what my best friend thought."

I was speechless. I wanted to be on my Mom's side, because she was, well, my Mother. But Charlie just sounded so pahtetic and upset. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to sleep. But I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully until Bella was safely home, so I stood up and checked my pockets for anything. When I was sure there was nothing of value on me, I walked over to the water and took a deep breath, before jumping in, wihtout another thought. I heard my Father oabove the surface, laughing.

"Bottoms up." He said, cheerily. I grinned under water.

That's right, Dad. Bottoms up.

**I think we all know by now that, I, Eliza, am a fucking liar. The Downers is officially back in business. I'm not going to promise super fast updates or long ass chapters, but I will promise that it will continuously be updated. How is everyone? Good? Good. Review, please. And feel free to bitch me out for being such a cocktease.**


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